What is being a parent of 2 kids really like?

[flowerlover1990]

Considering a second child (if we’re lucky enough!) getting to the point where I’d like to decide very soon… I’m in my late thirties and if we fall pregnant before the end of the year… we’d have a 3.5/4 year age gap which would be ideal for us. They say ‘one is a pet and 2 is a zoo’ is this really true? What’s it really like? I had a horrible HG first pregnancy, terrible birth experience and had PPD for the first 18 months and still suffer with a bit of anxiety now. So the thought of going back to the beginning is a bit scary for me… I absolutely love the dynamic of the 3 of us and we’re having so much fun now, I don’t want anything to change but also can’t stop thinking someone in our family could be missing? It’s driving me crazy! I wish I knew what to do…

I stopped at one. My son is now an adult. I was tempted a few times to have another but I'm glad I didn't give in to my hormones. I was better off financially than many of my friends, wasn't constantly trying to tear myself in two and had more personal freedom. But more importantly I had more energy and quality time to devote to my son. Obviously things like holidays were cheaper too and days out weren't so fraught as I witnessed where people had 2 or more kids. School pick ups or arranging babysitting or coping with emergencies is all obviously much easier with one child. Basically it's easier, less expensive and more chill raising one rather than two. And there's no guarantee that they'll get along. I got to a point where I was so happy with my little unit and life in general that the thought of starting all over again seemed bonkers. And to be honest I'd never seen my life as being child dominated/orientated anyway. But we're all different.

This vastly depends on the temperament of both children! I've found it fine (3 year age gap), but partly because my eldest adores her sister (no jealousy) and I was so distracted just living day to day life with a toddler I wasn't overwhelmed with a newborn if that makes sense - didn't have time too! The first year has tough moments for sure, but my youngest is now 15 months and we've all adapted really well. The transition from 0-1 was much harder than 1-2.

Of course it makes having a break a bit harder as the other parent has to have two at a time, but it's short-lived. Each year that gets easier as independence grows.

Pros and cons to both but it's not always the challenge people make it out to be :)

There are so many variables moving from 1 to 2 or more kids. My second pregnancy was harder than my first and my body took far longer to recover. My second child is autistic and whilst I love both DC with all my heart, and they love each other dearly, some days when they fight or when DC2 has meltdowns are very draining. Everything is more expensive, you have to share your time between the kids equally and of course they don't always want to do the same things so it is constant compromise. There are lovely moments when they play nicely together too and I hope when they are adults they will still want to spend time together. I often wonder how different life would be if we had stopped at one though.

Depends on the kids, mine are close in age, it was hard at the start but easy now.

No wrong answer here. It's a very personal choice and both options are good. I guess you have to think, in the long run, would you like your child to have a sibling (no guarantees they will get on, but if they do, it's priceless) or is the thought of pregnancy and the baby stage all over again just too exhausting to consider?

So many variables but this was my experience; my first (boy) was a dream baby, slept great, ate well, happy allllll the time, laid back, cute funny… so we thought this is great! My second (girl) was born 19 months later and brought a shit storm into our house 😂 she was a very colicky baby and for the first 10 weeks she screamed the house down every night without fail from 5-9pm. Hated being held, hated the pram, hated lying down… oh and also wanted feeding every 90 minutes all day and all night. So yeah, I don’t blame myself at all for asking myself daily what the hell we had done. It was torture, the screaming, the sleep deprivation, I didn’t know how we’d get through it.

However… fast forward to now when they’re two and 9 months old and oh my god it is amazing! She is the happiest, cutest little thing who sleeps great, naps great, eats brilliantly and my two year old is the same beautiful little soul that he was as a baby and I love (mostly) every single day with them. I’d go through it again and again to watch them play with each other, make each other laugh and feel the joy that I feel now.

I guess there will always be bad times and good times but I think the good times will always make it worth it. I’d have a third if my partner was on board and I wasn’t pushing 40 🫣

It's really a matter of the heart. I absolutely love having two and would happily add a third (or more!). I found two exponentially easier than one, I had them 16mo apart and had PND with DC1, but not at all with DC2. 3+ years sounds a big age gap to me so it's all subjective!

I’m only 5 months in and I don’t regret it yet. It’s tough to have both together especially if the baby needs quite a bit of attention (reflux and feeding difficulties in our case) but easier if you can keep the first in childcare for at least some of the week. The weekend often just ends up with us each with one child so any downtime we used to have is gone but I hope it will get easier when they can play together. I had bad anxiety with my first but that’s been much better this time.

I have a 5 year old and 2 year old.

Honestly, it’s been shit so far.

DC2 has always been a horrendous sleeper (still multiple times a night). The kids love eachother but wind eachother up so i’m always nagging them to stop. I’m finding having DC2 has really set me back in being able to support DC1 properly. DC2 is also hitting and scratching me and DC1.

I had a nice childhood with my brother but obv i don’t remember when we were that young so didn’t factor in these early years.

You can't possibly know how it will end up. Can only try to consider what you might regret more, or what you would be happy living with.

Ours are just under 4 years apart. We always wanted 2 but did consider 1. Would never have been more. They are 3 and 7 now and I am still actively thankful that we have them both every day. They love each other so much, and having 2 has brought such a different dynamic to our family. It helps that my daughter always wanted a younger sibling and once he came, she was happy so it did work out well.

My husband doesn't regret it but is often staggered at how different life is with 2 than 1, and we think about how different our eldest would be without her younger sibling. There is a lot more noise, laughter and fun than if we didn't have him.

We were happy as a family of 3, and my husband and I were both only children so it is all we knew. There are definitely challenges of having 2. We tried to keep focussing as much on the eldest since it was a huge adjustment for her not being the sole focus for us anymore whereas the youngest didn't know any better so was quite happy with whatever he got. She does get jealous at times particularly of my time and the juggle between them can be difficult but learning to compromise isn't a bad thing for them.

Every pregnancy and birth experience I had was different. Birth with my youngest couldn't have been smoother. Was born within a couple of hours of first contractions, 16 minutes after getting to hospital and was out in London 2 days after birth for a prebooked event for my eldest.

Far easier going from one to two than none to one. Mine are 2.5 years apart and although was hard in the first year, has paid dividends massively. They went to nursery from an early age though and I went back to work pt. That saved me. Now 23 and 21 and no regrets. Watching their relationship develop and them interact as they’ve grown and shard experiences has been the single best part of parenting.

Totally personal decision and no right or wrong answer. I have 2, both very young still one toddler and one baby, 19 month gap and honestly it has been so much easier than I ever even dared hope! I do put a lot of that down to the individual kids though. My first baby I had a really difficult pregnancy, awful birth with loads of complications and then she was a tricky baby, allergies, colic, hated pram/cot/swaddle basically hated everything other than being skin to skin on my chest for the first 6 months, still has never yet slept through the night BUT she is the most incredible, kind, patient and fun toddler. By contrast my second baby is truly just happy to be alive and no bother😂 super easy pregnancy, beautiful birth no complications no injuries really and by 2 days PP didn’t even feel like I’d given birth at all, the most chilled and happy baby just content to be wherever we are, sleeps independently, sleeps through the night most of the time… my experience would have been vastly different if my second baby had been like my first.

I absolutely loved it and seeing them together is worth it!

No right or wrong. For us having two was brilliant and the additional richness added to my children’s lives by having a sibling far outweighs any loss of attention from us. I can remember lying awake at night worrying about whether we were doing the right thing, was I throwing a bomb into our little family- and actually it was the best decision I ever made. But it’s completely personal- not something where anyone else can tell you what to do.