Am I being negative, or just exhausted with three young children?

[Boymama87]

So I was having a conversation with my husband yesterday, in which he said that I’m really negative at the moment. My opinion, is that I’m not really negative, we have a 5m old who doesn’t sleep, a 3yo and a 5yo. I do most of their caregiving and all of the mental load of organising, preparing, admin etc. By the time he gets home from work at 6 or later, I’m done. I’m tired and running on fumes until I can get to bed. The kids can often be grouchy by this time too because they are also tired. My 3yo is not at pre school 2 days a week and for the most part we have lovely days. When I’m alone with the baby I try and get as much done as I can like food shopping etc but also do things like take her swimming.
I feel like it’s not surprising that I’m done by the time he gets home given the season of life we are in.
Im a bit upset by his assessment of me tbh given how much I’m doing and how little sleep I’m getting. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way? Obviously I’d rather have more bandwidth left at the end of the day to be jolly and light but if that’s not how I feel how do I change this? We don’t have anyone to help with the kids so it’s me or me?

Tell him that you’ll feel less negative when he does his share of the nightime get ups, and takes the kids out to give you a break.
Honestly, let him do his own life admin. Don’t buy cards/presents for his family, let him put his own appointments on the calendar. Just do you and the kids.

Remind him your body is still recovering from pregnancy and birth too. The lack of and broken sleep is a killer.

Thank you @PersephoneParlormaid and @RandomMess yes i think he just isn’t appreciating what it’s like to not have slept through the night for months on end. I’ve slept in a separate room with rhe baby since she was born as I’m breastfeeding so third time around it seemed silly for us both to be kept awake and it’s easier having the whole bed anyway. But I think a by product of this is that he just doesn’t realise that while he’s sound asleep. I’m not. Maybe I should move us to all be back in the same room, even for a few days so it’s more obvious and he remembers.

He can get up early every day and deal with the older 2 whilst you get some more sleep in. Or when he comes home trot off to bed for a nap?

I think he needs to do a shift so you get some more sleep. Either he looks after baby from 9-midnight, or he takes over at 5am, depending what bit of the night's sleep matters most to you and when baby tends to sleep most soundly. I would be saying "you're right. Thank you for noticing I'm struggling. I need you to .. ."

I sympathise OP. I have a five year old and a DD who is a couple of months shy of three and still wakes in the night; I’m not sure I’d manage with a five month old as well. But yes I have this - DH ‘you’re never wanting to have sex’ also DH snoring as DD wakes overnight, sitting downstairs while I try to get the children bathed and in bed, snoring as they wake at 6 … arrghhh.

Write down on paper how many hours sleep you get in a typical week compared to him.

Write a schedule of all the activities - cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry, swimming, park play, with the hours involved.

Hand it to him and ask him how he would be after repeated 80 hour weeks, with no break, no lunch hours, no days off etc.

DH needs to do breakfast and dress the older two every day.

Book swimming lessons on a weekend and involve DH.

Ask DH to also do equal chores and child care on the weekend. (Allow you each a couple of hours private time.)

At 6 pm have the children ready for their time with their Dad.
Baths, eating, reading. He should be as good as you are at the night time routine with the older two.

Plan ahead the regular babysitting provided by Granny, and/or paying for a baby sitter while you guys walk out for a few hours.

Plan weekend outings in large parks - fresh air, space to run and relax - for you all to refresh.

If you are religious, join a church with Sunday School attached. One hour of quiet meditation without the children, immersed in beautiful led light windows, old beams and familiar organ music.

What did you reply to your husband? Did you say all of this? I agree he needs to pull his weight with some of the early mornings so you can get more sleep.