Advice for newborn transition with 3.5 year age gap

[TheKookySquid]

Hello,

I have a 3.5 yr old and I'm due with my second in 1 month. I'd love to hear advice about what helped the transition for the first born and how you managed the evening routine with 2 in the early weeks? Especially as ill be having a c-section and first born is still happily sleeping in a cot. She usually sleeps 7-7. My husband has a few weeks of paternity leave and then will working during evenings a few nights a week.

Thank you for any advice you can give to a increasingly apprehensive mum 😅

Watching with interest as very similar situation here! Same age gap, partner who will be working away after paternity and also a planned c-section. I am very nervous about the evenings.

People keep telling me that this age gap means that we can at least reason with our eldest and explain why we can’t do things for a while.

My biggest concern is my daughter needing me in the night when the LO comes and not being able to go to her. She isn’t as reliable a sleeper as yours sounds! Best of luck and let’s hope there are some good tips coming our way.

I had this gap and it was great. My daughter was in a bed though which helped as she could be a bit more independent. She loved helping - so I’d ask her to get a nappy or a toy or something and then I would focus just on her when the baby was sleeping. I also relaxed on screen time and spent a bit of time nursing while cuddling her and watching octonauts most days.

Same age gap as we have. I would get DC into a bed before the baby arrives. There’s a lot of change for a while once baby here and at 3.5 she’s not going to want to be in a cot and restricted when you can’t immediately attend to her because of baby.

Bed time we found fine when a newborn, as they won’t have the same bed time so newborn can just come along for DCs bedtime routine in a sling or bouncer.

I also found keeping dd in nursery 3 days a week during mat leave a huge help, it meant dedicated time for baby for 3 days and able to go to baby classes, and then two days older DC focused where we did things she wanted to do and met up with her friends, and baby just came along. It also meant DD had a bit of structure and routine to her week instead of every the ing changing with new baby.

We have a similar gap. Youngest is now 6 months. It was hard in the beginning but we're getting into a rhythm now. One thing I'm glad we did is move DC1 into a bed about 2 months before dc2 was born and have DH take over bedtimes. This worked well because it wasn't happening because of the baby (in her eyes at least!). On the flip side, I do wish I'd carved our more 1 to 1 time with her in the first few weeks but it was hard with breastfeeding the second and not much wider help once DH went back to work. Basically we survived with lots of CBeebies and snacks and getting everyone out for fresh air at least once a day. Around 2-3 months it got significantly easier. Like a pp, we also kept the nursery routine and made the non nursery days about her, so that helped too.

I had a 3 year gap and a c section also.
My 3 year old co slept with me and that had to change due to the section. His dad took over that role so I could be with the baby. He too worked evenings and it was tricky. However by week 2 I was no longer in loads of pain and it was more manageable to have both kids in bed with me.

My advice for it is lower your expectations
Housework will be impossible unless someone helps you. In the daytime when you have both of them I would recommend baby wearing... It's been an absolute life saver for me with a baby that doesn't sleep anywhere but on me. I alternate between a sling and a carrier. Unfortunately contact naps are a no go when there's another human needing me.