Would I be unreasonable not to let my adult son move back in?

[SZanne]

Help!!! I’m so stressed. I’m 68. My son is an intelligent and can be a lovely chap. BUT, he’s 32 and the longest he has held down a job is 18 months. He hasn’t worked for over 10 years. He’s a drug addict and has a criminal record (having got into a fight) - although that was over 6 years ago.
he hasn’t worked no means to buy or rent his own place and I envisaged him being at home forever! A few weeks ago though, he moved in with his girlfriend (ex addict and criminal record). They are living with her adult daughter who has a two bedroom house in the same village as me. Here’s the issue, the daughter’s boyfriend hates my son and has attacked him more than once. My son and girlfriend now want to stay with me. They have both stolen from me on several occasions and aside from wanting/needing my own space, I don’t feel comfortable with them in the house. They have no other place to go though. I feel terrible about it, but I just can’t have them living with me. I’m torn apart with guilt, worry, stress etc. what would you do???

The boyfriend, who is bugger all to you on the grand scheme of things - needs to control his temper or move the fuck out.

Tell them to go to the council, i wouldnt have two drug addicts in my home neither.

Seriously?! You’re wondering whether two criminals and drug addicts should move in? I mean, I know it’s your son and no doubt you love him, but no, just no. Direct them to the council and stay firm. You’ll be asking for a whole world of trouble otherwise.

I’d say ‘No, that doesn’t work for me’ and I’d change the locks. You will never relax if they live with you. This situation is of his own making (okay not the violent boyfriend but) your DS isa drug addict who can’t hold down a job. He’ll bleed you dry.

Personally I wouldn't be prepared to even meet the girlfriend. No way is it acceptable to have a person who steals from you living in your home. The drama and chaos of sharing living space with an addict, will rip your life apart. There should be inclusion or similar locally, son and girlfriend need an appointment to see what help is available for them. This isn't your stuff.

I wouldn't have active addicts in my house. Your son has made poor choices and needs to sort himself out. The most I would do is support him in ending his addiction by finding a therapist etc.

Absolutely you should not let him move in with you.

This isn't just about protecting yourself (although that should be your first priority).

If you enable your son's current lifestyle by letting him move in, then you are enabling his addiction to continue. Honestly I don't think that's best for him either. So it would actually be bad for both of you.

A big fat No.

They can get help from the council if they need it. Under no circumstances should you agree to them moving in with you.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I know, it’s so obvious what I should do. I would say exactly the same if I was replying to someone else’s post on this subject. It’s so terribly hard when it’s my own son, but I know you’re all right. I can’t carry on being this stressed. He’s making this my problem when it’s clearly not. I know what I have to do, I guess I just wanted validation that this doesn’t make me some kind of unfeeling monster. Thanks again all (and any future posters).

My circumstances are not dissimilar from yours, I give food, offer to wash clothes and use of the bathroom. No friends allowed in with him. Its tough going, but necessary for self protection Glad to hear you already know how to deal with this.