Prioritising time or money with young family

[Pernicketynockety]

Help me please, parents of older children! I am really struggling to work out how to get the best work/life balance with four young kids (5, 3 and 1yo twins).

I love being a mum and in my fantasy lottery winning life I’d throw in the towel at work and be a SAHM. As it stands, DH is full time and I work four days a week and I’m struggling. Other mums seem to manage but I feel awful about the younger three being in nursery so much and my eldest isn’t a fan of wraparound care.

I do need to continue to work a bit to give us a decent quality of life, but I really can’t decide whether to work as little as possible and maximise time with them, or work more because we will all benefit from the cash? I could do two days a week and we would be fine but with much reduced ability to save (I know this is a privilege that lots don’t have). I don’t want to look back and regret working too much/not enough.

I would absolutely cut back on spending and have more time with them. But I've paused my self employed career while mine are little. Once they are all in full time school I'll ramp it back up. For now we'll just go to the beach instead of the zoo, and Parkdean holidays which they love - the heated outdoor pools are boiling - and save money plus a day of international travel.

You can always earn more money later but you can’t ever gain the time with your young children back.

I would definitely cut back just to the amount you need to stay afloat. Your children are so little and would love to see you more I’m sure!

I don't think there's a one size fits all answer. You want to be a SAHM, so sounds like you should think about cutting down.

Personally, I'd hate that, so I am happy with the hours I do and would consider more.

I do think you should consider money in terms of pension etc as well as the here and now.

You can't buy time

How’s your husband agonising over this work/home conflict, with the 4 young kids he’s fathered?

He’s been working full time to support us all through three maternity leaves. He would have loved to take more parental leave but I wasn’t keen as wanted to breastfeed and co-sleep and (selfishly?) didn’t want to stop earlier than I had to. He’s open to all ideas - each of us doing 4 days, him taking on extra work to support me doing less, him taking a career backseat to allow me to get ahead in my career.

I know these threads often turn into man-bashing, but he really isn’t your target. We will work together to find the solution that works best for everyone.

Four days each, then?

That would probably be the fairest option. I just can’t get my head around being away from them so much. Maybe it’s the dregs of maternity leave clouding my rational thinking.

Definitely time over money, especially when they’re little.

I found 3 days a week a good balance, more days at home than at work 🤷‍♀️

We both do 4 days which works really well. It gives DH a chance to bond and shares the mental load a bit more because he gets a chance to solo parent. I am cruising a bit a work and picking the kids up early though.

I would think about the long term. Mine need me around after school much more in late primary and secondary than they did as toddlers. I would build your career now to give you the freedom to step back when they are older and want to join activities with their friends and have homework and exams and need to be taxied around after school.