Eight-month-old sleep and routines, enjoy what works or encourage independence?

[Solicitor123]

Hi all, I am a FTM and my little one is 8 months old. I feel like I am constantly stuck in a struggle between the approach of ‘she is still so little and just needs me, I will never get baby cuddles again, just enjoy it and block out the noise’ etc, and on the other hand ‘I need to teach her to be independent‘. Social media certainly doesn’t help with endless reels of ‘Watch my baby’s routine’ - which is always absolutely perfect!

Our ’routine’ is less than perfect and I fear I have given in to bad habits.

She has her first nap of the day in her cot but only sleeps for half an hour. Her second nap of the day is usually on me and that lasts for about 2 hours. I normally feed her to sleep (she is still EBF).

Night time sleep is good - but that’s because she co sleeps with me and has done since about 2 months old. I was getting quite literally no sleep before and it was becoming dangerous. I usually go up to bed at the same time as her and feed her to sleep, then watch TV in bed for a few hours whilst she sleeps on me before putting her down and sleeping next to her. I know this is not ideal, but my husband and I enjoy our routine (he is exhausted after a day at work by bedtime anyway and has no issues with getting into bed!) and we both enjoy her sleeping with us. We obviously set it all up so it’s very safe. She usually gets up once in the night for a quick feed and then settles again straight away. However, she is very sensitive and wakes up as soon as I move away, or if I need to go to the loo in the night!

When I speak to friends or family members, they are shocked that we go to bed at the same time as baby, or their little ones are already sleeping in their own room. Sometimes I feel a bit behind and wonder if I should be doing more to change our routine and make her be more independent. However, other times I think, it works for us, we are happy and she is only going to be this little once.

I always feel torn between just being present and enjoying it all, versus the need to sleep train and wean off feeding to sleep etc.

So my question is - will it all work out on its own in the end? Do I carry on the way I am, enjoy it and just wait for her to grow up, or should I be implementing more solid routines and sleep training etc?

What are your experiences if you have older ones?

Carry on and enjoy it. Honestly block out any external noise and do what feels right for you. She is tiny - she has been outside your body for less time than she's been inside your body! My daughter didn't nap 'independently' until she was about 14 months old (as in, in her own bed) and even now I cuddle her to sleep for her nap (she's 18 months) and then roll away as she has a floor bed. Bedtime I breastfeed to sleep or my husband cuddles her. She went to nursery / with my MIL 3 days a week at 10 months when I went back to work and she's adjusted fine. There is absolutely no need for your baby to be 'independent', she's 8 months not 18 years! Nothing is a bad habit if it works, and mine has never had a set routine although now we do put her to bed on her own at around the same time, we don't keep her up with us anymore as she was sleeping better in her own bed. I would highly recommend a floor bed if at some point you want to transition from co-sleeping in your bed, it's helped to move towards mine sleeping on her own but often I sleep with her if she isn't settling.

Couldn't agree more with PP! We had a very similar experience. Around 10 months ish we put our DS on a mattress on the floor in our room at night and then moved that mattress into his room around his first birthday. Still got in with him when he woke at night. He sleeps beautifully now age 3.5 in his own bed but comes in with us for the last hour or so of the night. Doing the same now with my 18m old!

Nursery did all the work for the day time routine, around 16 months both of mine were reliably sleeping for two hours in the middle of the day. Fed them to sleep for that too!

Don’t try sleep training if you’re not fully sure you want to do it. I have done a gentle type sleep training with both of my babies and there were some tricky moments helping them cope with the change from being held or fed to sleep. I think you need to have good reasons to do it and follow through with it.
My youngest is 8 months old and for the first 6 months of his life all of his naps were on me. I sometimes miss that closeness (couldn’t keep up with it as also have a toddler so couldn’t sit holding my baby for a 2 hour nap sadly!).
I think if you’re happy with your set up then keep going with it. It’s great that she can do a half hour nap in her crib as well.
Different things work for different families, so don’t compare to what others are doing.

I think it sounds fine! Lots of things I’ve done with my 3 children (third is still a baby and I go to bed when she does)