Adjusting to second baby

[Digby86]

I’m in my third trimester with baby #2 and struggling a lot with sadness and anxiety over how much is going to change when this baby arrives. Our first child is 3 and I just feel so sad about how my relationship with him is going to change - the fact I’m not going to be able to spend as much time one on one with him, do bed time every night etc.

Id really appreciate any tips on how to preserve that relationship and bond once a new baby arrives and it’s not possible to always be the parent that’s available.

im also worried this isn’t normal to feel like this? Or that it won’t change once the new baby actually arrives?

I had my second baby 3 weeks ago and felt very similar in the lead up to birth. I worried that I wasn't bonding and up to the day he arrived felt more anxious about the changes than excited. However he has fitted in perfectly and already it feels like he's always been here. My daughter LOVES him and seeing the way she is with him melts me multiple times a day! It's definitely more juggling than just having one but getting the older child involved (my daughter loves helping with nappies and doing bedtime with us) and giving lots of praise really helps. Also spending some one on one time with your older child, even if its just doing some colouring or playing in the garden once baby is fed/settled so they don't feel pushed out, they need to feel like they still matter too, even though at times they will (inevitably) have to wait for attention. So all in all I completely get where you are coming from and it's all perfectly normal, you will just find room in your heart to add this baby in and will still have that lovely relationship you have already built with your older child.
Good luck with everything, you will do great!

I think it’s normal to feel like this. It’s a major change that you’re adjusting to, and your son will need to adjust to having a baby in the house.
I certainly felt very similarly just before my second baby was born. But when you see your son meet the baby I think you’ll feel better about it. One of the best things is seeing how my toddler makes the baby laugh in a way that no one else can. Get your toddler involved in helping care for the baby - pass nappies, help choose the babies outfit.
In terms of your bond, just try to spend time with him still when you can. Pop the baby in a carrier or sling and play with your son or take him to the park etc.
In the very early weeks when the baby would feed for ages or fall asleep in my arms, my toddler and I would sit and cuddle and watch tv together a bit. It’s only temporary so didn’t mind some extra tv time for a few weeks. But it was nice having that time to cuddle, share snacks and watch something he loves, whilst the baby fed or slept on me at the same time.
It can be tricky trying to juggle two different sets of needs at the same time, but it’s very worth it to see their bond grow.
Wishing you lots of luck!

I had DT’s when my DS1 was 3 and actually sobbed at one point thinking I had ruined his life! DS1 is 19 now and I was chatting to him about it only the other day. He says he has no recollection of DT’s coming along other than they brought with them a huge Playmobil set for him! He doesn’t remember being the only child or the chaos that ensued having 2 new babies in the house.

Guess we perceive things differently as adults but children take these things in their stride a bit more.

I had a lot of worry about how could I possibly love another child as much as dc 1. But when dc 2 arrived it all made sense and I just loved her too. I also loved seeing dc1 giving her cuddles, although you do have to be more relaxed with second baby. I tried to fit her in to our existing routine which worked well although I think I was lucky to have a fairly easy baby.