Unexpected third baby, looking for positive stories and advice 🙏🏼

[closingtime101]

Hi all, I will probably sound like a total fool here but my husband and I have just been floored by the news that we are expecting our third baby.

With both my first daughter and my second I had post-partum amenorrhea, so my period did not return despite stopping breastfeeding. I eventually took injections of FSH to ovulate and conceive my second daughter. This time around it was the same thing, but I didn’t mind because we weren’t hoping for another child. However, after 18 months with no period the doctor became concerned and ordered some tests for me (apparently not menstruating is bad for your bones or something?). I had a pelvic scan a month ago and all was clear. I had blood tests too, and the next step would have been an MRI.

BUT I started feeling nauseous a few days ago and my colleague joked, maybe you’re pregnant. I said I can’t be because I had a pelvic scan one month ago and there was no baby in there! Also my husband and I so rarely have sex... But I took a test and it was positive, took another and it was positive, went for an early scan and somehow I am 8 weeks pregnant. They think the other scan didn’t catch it because it was too early.

So somehow on one of the incredibly rare occasions my husband and I had sex, it turned out I was ovulating, but since I never had a period I didn’t know.

We feel very worried about what this means for our family. Timing wise it’s terrible - I am due to start a new job in September, which I will now be walking into seven months pregnant. (Maternity pay will be OK I think as I am employed by the state sector and it can transfer across - but it’s not the best impression on your new employer is it?!) Neither of our daughters sleeps well (aged 3 and a half and 1 and a half), both are very clingy and require a lot of attention… we have been feeling exhausted as it is, and now with the news we are going to have another one, it feels overwhelming. Of course we know we have options - but I think neither of us feel we comfortable with terminating a healthy (so far) pregnancy.

So really I would love some stories of positive surprise third babies please! I feel really overwhelmed and scared, if I’m honest. Some positive stories - and some practical advice! - and I suppose some gentle home truths would be so appreciated, thank you.

I assume you’re a teacher so, if your new job is in an academy, don’t just presume your maternity pay will be ok. They class as a new employer legally and, whilst some will just allow your maternity pay to stand, I know at least one person whose school said she hadn’t been employed by them for long enough to qualify for enhanced maternity pay.

edited to say, if you’re moving from a local authority school to an academy you’re pay protected. If it’s academy to academy you’re not. You will probably be fine. But it’s worth finding out!

They are both local authority schools so I hope all will be OK. Thanks for the heads-up though!

If they’re both local authority schools you’re grand!

Congratulations! I don't have any advice but I similarly conceived after having no periods for 18 months (after having a mirena coil taken out, probably unrelated to the mirena, but it disguised the fact I was having no periods already, for another 2 years before that). I didn't want to investigate fertility treatments/IVF for personal reasons so had made my peace with probably not having a family. My mum and grandma had gone into very early premenopause when they were mid 30s so i was prepared for it.

What a shock it was!! I had also just resigned from my job! I told my new employer who was OK with it, but I ended up taking a short mat leave, only 6 months for financial reasoons, which worked OK in the end.