Teens drinking

[BeagleHound1]

My daughter (15 year 10) has asked if she can go to a friends house on Saturday. The friends mum and dad have said they can drink if they bring their own alcohol. They feel it’s better to drink under supervision at home rather than at the park.
My daughter says she hasn’t been drinking up to now and we have told her we don’t want her drinking at 15. She has only had Buck’s Fizz at Xmas etc so she would have little or no tolerance.
We have said no. I think I first went out drinking at 17 though many of my friends were drunk at 15/6 and got up to all sorts.
I don’t expect her never to drink with her friends till she is 18 but this seems very young. Incidentally she says she hasnt drunk alcohol it’s her friends but she tells me several of them do and have been in some right states and done some daft things. my daughter thinks we are being very unreasonable. I feel the other parent shouldn’t be saying this is ok without checking our thoughts first. Any thoughts ?

If the other parents ask around they will get a whole range of views.

your dd has been honest and told you.
what are you expecting the other parents to do - say Alice you can have one drink but Bob your parents are happy for you to have what you want?

Maybe I’m biased but I used to drink at house parties all the time at that age! Feels like a right of passage.

I think there are boundaries but most 15/16 year olds experiment at some point and the risk with drawing a hard line is that she could just end up buying it herself or getting someone to buy it for her. There was a man at our local who used to go in the shop for anyone! Obviously I wouldn’t send her with a litre of vodka but a couple cans of cider so she feels involved isn’t madness.

Thanks folks. We will think about it. It’s really good to get some other views. Also really pleased she talked to us about it

Evidence points to more risk of alcohol abuse as an adult for dc who start under age. .
Absolutely not is my stance and luckily my dc agree.

I think this is an ok age to start drinking in moderation and under supervision. A couple of Smirnoff ices won’t do any harm but making it something secretive and “naughty” could.

it genuinely sounds like your daughter is sensible enough. I’d lay some ground rules but even if she goes, she might not want to drink.

I started drinking around this age. If my parents said no, it wouldn’t have stopped me, at least she asked.

I would allow it at this age, in moderation. She’ll be massively left out if not. And/or just lie to you and keep it a secret.

and I appreciate this is anecdotal, but I was having the odd drink at parties from age 13 onwards and it never evolved into more than the odd drink. Now in my 40s I hardly drink. I believe there are far more significant markers around future alcoholism than having the odd beer aged 15.

My 16 year old had a birthday party at home and we said we wouldn’t be providing any alcohol. We thought that was responsible given all the kids were under age and a lot were still 15.

What happened in practice was that about half the kids brought their own, mostly supplied by their own parents, and half didn’t and were happy with the soft drinks we provided.

a lot of parents had sent their kids with a couple of those pre mixed cocktails or WKD or Buzz Balls. We found quite a few of those in the garden the next day!

DH and I stayed in the house for the whole evening so nothing got too out of hand.

My own child had sneaked a bottle of vodka from our drinks cupboard a few days before the party and brought it down to the party hidden in a rugby sock. I spotted it and took it off him but 3/4 of it was gone before I got there…

Teens will find a way. It might be better to send her with one or two drinks and tell her that’s her limit, or she may be tempted by stronger stuff brought by others? I don’t know. My DC haven’t been to many other parties yet so I don’t know. 15/16 is a funny age for this. I started drinking and going to house parties at 17 so this feels a bit too young to me.

I’m in recovery from alcohol addiction and absolutely not!! Children should not be drinking! It is poison! Drinking was normalised when I grew up and even now I’m in recovery I’ve family members say “but you’re not a proper alcoholic you can drink socially have one?”.. no I wasn’t physically dependent but I was drinking too much (hence my name) and have sought support with that! Life now feels so free!

I used to drink at that age. You are right to say no.

I think at 15 then yeah I would let her have a couple of breezers or smirnoff ice with her friends in a supervised house party.

Im getting to that age with my oldest (14 nearly 15) he hasn't yet asked for a wee drink and hes more of a computer player with his friends for now, but when the time comes and he wants to have a couple of beers i would rather it was in either our house or his good friends where I know he is safe and its only a couple.

I was a teenager in the 90s and we used to kid on we were staying at friends houses and get pissed (were never bad, just had really good laughs listening to music 😎.)

I would definitely go with the couple of drinks option and be very happy your daughter has spoken to you about it. ❤️