Sudden change in behaviour at almost 4, losing the will to live

[Humhallelujah]

I think this is partly my fault as I was told (and believed) that the closer DCs get to 4, the easier it gets.

DD is 4 in July and for the most part is a great kid. She listens, uses her manners, shares, is kind. Or, she was.. until about a month ago. Now everything is a power struggle.

For example I went to the toilet this morning after waking her up and she screamed at me because she wanted to go first. I did explain there are 2 other toilets in the house but she just lost the plot. The childminder said she’s been argumentative, not sharing or listening. She also goes to preschool 2 days a week, and has done for a year but no complaints there. If we say no to anything she throws a fit. It’s like we’ve regressed hugely and I can’t understand why.

She knows when we say no, we mean it. We have always been that way and nothing has changed so why the sudden backlash?! The only change I can see in her life is that she’s starting school in September and we’ve been talking about it a little bit.. could that be it? I just feel like my lovely little girl has dissapeared under this big angry cloud and I am struggling with how to manage it. I find myself snapping at the constant whinging and I don’t want to be a shouty mum.

Any tips, does it get easier ☹️ I’m dreading her starting school in September and the transition that will come with it. I am worried this is just the tip of the iceberg..

This happened to several of my friends. My 4yo was fine, but they found that a few months either side of turning four the tantrums returned and they were running off and being generally hard work. It did settle though, and they are all now nearly five and back to normal. Hang in there!

Just in case you don’t know, as a summer born child she can start reception in September 2027.

How was she at 2 and 3? My daughter was a breeze through her toddler years and then turned into a nightmare at 4. She was finally over it (mostly) at 7. My son on the other hand was a nightmare 18m to 2ish and then was a dream kid. Now currently going through a very, very stroppy and emotional time at 8. I think kids just have different phases at different times …

Its a developmental phase they go through. I think i recalling reading about something called the "limbic leap" if you want to look it up? It was such hard work and I'm not looking forward to DD2 hitting it. But it will pass! Hang on in there.

Oh I remember this (DD also has a July birthday). The transitional phase from preschooler to schoolgirl was hell for at least 6 months. Next bump on the road was transition to secondary. She is now in Y13 and lovely, unless you mention that A levels start in less than a month. Hang in there and always have a healthy snack to hand to avoid hungry turning into hangry. We also brought bedtime forward as she seemed to need more sleep at around her 4th birthday. Either that or we’d had enough for the day!

My DS is the same. He was quite a calm boy until he turned 4 and then lots of back chat and refusal to do things - like brush his teeth or tidy up. It lasted for a few months. Well, he still does push back now but not as much. Maybe its developmental. I don't know but its hard work when they get like this with the fight back against anything - like getting dressed, etc.

Ah thanks everyone, that’s reassuring! I know like everything this is probably just a phase but wow when you’re in the trenches it feels never ending 😂