13-year-old son wants to live with his dad and sister

[OneQuirkyPombear]

My daughter moved to her dads a year ago now my son wants to go he is 13. My son misses his sister but always been ok coming back from visits but this time it’s different he has cried for days ,hardly ate, just stays in his bedroom since he has come back I’ve not stop been bombarded with messages to say he don’t want to live with me anymore he wants to live with his sister. He can’t give me any reason to why he wants to go there just because it better. I’m talking to the school about therapy but things don’t happen overnight so I don’t no what to do I hate seeing him like this and plus it’s affecting school now. Any advice would be great I feel like I’m loosing another child

That is horrible- I’m so sorry but I think you need to let him go and tell them both your door is always open.

Can they come stay with you on night every weekend at least or EOW…. You must be heartbroken

I’m going through this. It’s so painful. I’ve had to let my ds13 go. It’s like an active rejection of their mothers.

Why did your daughter go to live with her dad?

What is your relationship like with your ex, their dad?

I would let him go. He will only resent you if you don’t.

Do you have a good relationship with his father? Can you talk to him to see what is going on? How old is your daughter?

What the set up like at their dads? Why did his sister go a year ago? I can understand him missing his sibling and thinking he is missing out on family time if she is there x

I am heartbroken. I raised my kids single handedly all there life he shows up plays best dad and now i have lost one and now another. His sister went due to accusing me of hitting her and her dad was brainwashing her

How is he brainwashing her? What does he say to them?

I don’t really have much of a relationship with my daughter because I don’t agree with her dad’s parenting she only went there for freedom. The dad and daughter live a 3 hour drive away from me. I’ve lost one child now I’m loosing another

It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. My daughter went to live there because she couldn’t deal with social services involved her dads end and they told her she isn’t allowed to see him or speak to him without me around but then the case got closed and after that she turned against me and accused me of hitting her now she is there. It’s been a year though times were fine but this time I don’t no what they have put in his head but he’s turned against me

No I have nothing to do with him after the abuse and narcissistic years he put me through

its more my daughter telling him he can do what he wants he’s a teenager now and that she put me through hell and back so do the same I will give in how is that fair on me honestly

Plenty of things are not fair and your dc seem to want hands off parenting. It’s immaturity I’m afraid. He’s undoubtedly seeing advantages in being with dad and I’m getting the idea you bad mouth him? Not sure what you can do really. You probably have different parenting styles and if he’s upset, try the move. I’m assuming ex will get him a school place?

I don’t bad mouth him I just explained to him that I raised him and his sister on my own no help or support and I’m the one to suffer. I have routine and structure in my house my son has everything he needs and he’s going there to nothing. No bedroom no safe space no school. When my daughter went there it took them 6 months to find a school

This is unbelievably difficult, but at 13 he’s starting to own his own mind and decisions.
does he understand he’ll be away from all friends and total change in routine?
I wouldn’t doubt they are getting into his head and this must be very painful for you. Whatever you do insist he cannot go until a school
place is secured this might delay things and make it real

Yes I have had that conversation with him and explained he can’t go until a school place is in place and he understands that. It is very difficult he’s at that age already hormones flying around and I think in a way that’s why he wants to go because in my house there is routine and structure and at his dads he sees his sister so whatever she wants whenever she wants. It’s heartbreaking for me I’ve cried for 4 days straight now