What does bedtime (age 11-14) look like in your house?

[overthinker83]

Busy house. 2 WP. I am in from 530. I do hobbies/HW/tea etc. DH never in before 730 (cos work) often later. I usually eat with kids (one often cooks tbf) but if DH is in at 730, I try and eat with him (Yay. Kitchen chaos twice). By 8/830, whoever is in watches something altogether. They (11 and 13) go up at 9 or shortly thereafter. Eldest reads. Youngest (after a million cuddles etc. Still. Which is lovely/infuriating) goes to sleep. I come down and usually do some marking (teacher) and go to bed about an hour later.

It’s a battle. It’s a battle to get them into the same room to watch something. To get them upstairs to get into bed.

It seems like some kind of liminal space between having ‘little’ kids who have stories and bed. And having older kids who just do their own thing. Sometimes it’s nice but I generally feel like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill for no especial reason or benefit.

So what does it look like in your house? And does anyone else feel like they’re in the same boat?

Age 13 goes to bed at 10pm. No battle. She just goes to bed.

9pm is quite early. Maybe that’s the battle cause

14 yo in this house. Homework and gaming after school till dinner around 7ish when there are no clubs, watch something together during/after dinner (taskmaster/race across the world/would i lie to you etc etc) . He disappears up to his room around 9 for an hour of tv/ music practice/ reading/you tube etc, usually with a hot chocolate, then brings his phone down and turns everything off at 10.

2 nights a week he has organised clubs 7-9, 2 more he goes round to mates after school 4-6 ish for DnD or board games plus random park/dogwalk/skatepark meet ups with friends.

Age 13 here in bed by 10:30 in school holidays, 10pm in term time. Older teen actually goes up a little earlier.

11 and almost 15 year olds.
Dinner around 6.30 then homework (youngest still in year 6 so usually supervised reading/maths).
Do their own thing until about 8pm or sometimes watch someone together or go for a walk in summer. Youngest still needs prompting to shower/PJs/clean teeth etc (something we’re working on), she is in bed by 9pm.
Eldest takes care of herself, usually watches something with me 9-10pm or reads/watches on her laptop in bed. Goes to bed 10-10.30 pm.

10 year old back from childminder (fed, hurray) at 6pm, snack and drink, 40 minutes screen time. Shower at 7:00, bit of nagging, into bed for stories about 7:45. Unless he has a club that runs late. In which case stories get jettisoned.

13 year old drifts back from school after activities somewhere between 5:30 and 8:00. Earlier and he eats with DH and me, later he’ll have eaten at school (but will need a substantial snack because his appetite is insane). Wanders off for a shower about 8, in bed by 9:30 (I’d rather 9 but he’s a dawdler…he’s usually up by 6:30 so early beds are the order of the day).

The 13yo is happy enough as she loves to read for a good while. The 11yo doesn’t really do reading (despite all efforts) so is the trickier customer. I feel 9/930 is okay for an 11yo. He always gets to sleep quickly (once he’s finally given up asking for another chat or hug) so I think he needs the sleep.

I finish at 4, dh back from London 4.30.

Monday dh runs multiple scout groups so is out from 5- up to 9.30 depending on how many leaders he has. I make dinner, kids eat I and do what they need to. Bed is at 9. That means in rooms and settling down, they then do whatever until they get into bed, but it’s no screens apart from for libby, music or Spotify.

Tuesday - karate night, quick dinner and then they are all out till 9pm

Wednesday - music lessons, dinner is jacket potatoes due to annoying timing.

Thursday - karate - repeat or Tuesday

Friday - scouts, dinner at 6 so they can go off. Bed when they get home.

Saturday - later bed time

Sunday - normal bed time.

9pm they brush teeth and sort themselves out. We are pretty chill about it , if they want to do Lego or Pokémon or whatever till 10.30 I do not care. Alarms go off at 6.30 and if you are tired I’m not very arsed.

Both do after school clubs three times a week (sports, languages, musical) they cycle to and from school themselves, they arrive home some times before 4 and 5pm.

We don’t watch things all together on week nights, but often do on a Saturday night. Or we play games at the kitchen table or on a console.

we have a big kitchen with a table in which is a good sociable space, a snug and a lounge. Tonight I watched something in the lounge and dh watched something in the snub with the 10.5 yo. 13 put himself to bed with a migraine at 6. 13 spends time in his room in the evenings after he’s done chores and music. The kids are not friendly towards each other so we allow them to have space.

Same ages here

Dinner isn’t too bad. We eat about 7pm - if DH is home by then he eats with us, if not he gets his reheated. (He has magically managed to get home a bit earlier since I stopped waiting to eat with him, I recommend it).

Bedtime takes forever. We try to get them heading upstairs about 8pm, bit later for the eldest. Lights out 9/9.15 younger one, 9.45 elder. Elder dc has to get up earlier (6.30am) for secondary commute, hence bedtimes not that different. I don’t think it’s too early.

But my god the bedtime process takes forever. Lots of nagging required to keep the shower/teeth etc process going, and they both still want/need to be “put to bed”. I love the idea of being able to say night night, off you go to bed, see you in the morning. But if we did that, DD2 would still be faffing at 3am and DD1 would keep reading for hours.

No solution but solidarity.

I don’t really do much at all other than announce it’s time to do things and issue reminders to pick up crap that has been dumped in various places. Mine is 13 (younger one is 8, so needs a bit more guidance).

She has a shower about 9/9:30pm. She has sports training til 9pm several nights a week, so eats dinner about 9 those nights and shower may be later. I do have to tell her to get in, sometimes a few times. And remind her to get her pyjamas and towel first. After that, it’s just shouting for her to pick her wet towel up, which is inevitably dumped in the middle of the kitchen floor. She will then take herself up to bed, do whatever pre-bed stuff she might do. As it’s the holidays, she might briefly message with friends or watch tv (doesn’t normally have a tv but due to building works she is sleeping in the spare room at the moment). After about 10pm, tv is off, phone on charge, and she reads until she is tired, turns light off and goes to sleep.

I don’t really tend to see her after she goes in her room, though Dh may sometimes issue a reminder to turn off tv or bring her phone downstairs. I pretty much don’t care what she does in her room once she’s in it as long as no screens and she eventually turns off the light so I don’t have to. She is usually asleep by 11pm at the latest.