How do you get through the day?!

[TwinklyGoldReader]

DS is 2.5 and I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. DP has been so supportive but returned to work today. DS attends nursery Mon-Wed so it’s just me and the newborn, which is lovely.

I’m starting to get really anxious about the end of the week though. I don’t know how to manage toddler and newborn together, when I’m not fully recovered. I tried to lift DS yesterday and my wound felt so sore afterwards. I still can’t drive and struggle to walk more than 30 mins- plus if DS had a meltdown I wouldn’t be able to just carry him away!

I’m dreading being stuck in the house with a restless DS and can’t work out how I’ll meet both their needs all day. My mum has been helpful too, but used the last of her leave to have DS whilst I was in hospital. I’ve got no one else to ask to pop in/help out. I’m in desperate need of advice and reassurance!

Are Nursery able to have him for a couple of extra days for a couple of weeks until you’ve healed a little more?

Congratulations on your new LO too

This was my original plan! I asked a few weeks ago, but they just don’t have the space unfortunately.

I did a lot of time in the garden with baby in his pram. If I went out I wore my newborn and put ds who was 2 in the pushchair. I actually found it easier with a pushchair to lean on when I was a few weeks post c section. Took him to the gated park which was 5 mins away so I didn't have to worry about him running away etc. Just small trips out to build up your stamina.
Survive however you can. I used telly more than I liked in the first few weeks. It didn't form any habits.
If you only make it out the house for 5 minutes, that's still a win. If you all get dressed and fed that's a win. Don't aim for perfect days.

I hope you're OK. I had a planned CS when my dc1 was 3. The thing that worked was planning the day's activities to the max. Lots of stuff where you can stay sitting down while dc1 plays: either sitting down together doing a jigsaw etc, or you sit while dc does stuff "can you find the longest stick in the playground". Have lots and lots of stuff planned. Soft play was also a godsend for us.

We also had a great picture book called Mommy Has a C-Section which helped explain my reduced mobility to dc1.

I don't know if your first was also by CS in which case you know this already but... hang in there and you will feel much better soon. The first four weeks are the worst and then you suddenly start to get much better, at least that's how it was for me.

I was a lone parent to 4 and my youngest was a C-section, didnt have any help but luckily had a good recovery and didnt struggle too much. Just do what you can.

Call every day to see if someone’s unwell and you can have their space. It’s relentless with a toddler and a newborn!

I saw mum friends on the days where I had them both, older one would be distracted and friends would want to hold the baby. Was so much easier than staying in! Is this an option? Sending love, I’ve got the same age gap, it’s exhausting but does have its lovely times! But god it’s hard!

Thank you so much for all the ideas! I think I’m going to plan literally every minute of the day, soDS doesn’t have chance to get restless. Hopefully that will avoid any ‘tantrums!’ My mum has Friday afternoon off now, so if I can just get to then I’m safe 😂

Do you have a garden? Order a ton of sand, play doh, a tuff tray, slide etc. - just a big one off spend of a hundred quid or so if you can afford it. Set it up outside. Buy a canvas chair where you can sit with the baby, and bring the pram outside so they can nap in that.

It won’t fix everything but lots of garden breaks throughout the day will help, giving fresh air and some activities for him to do so you don’t feel guilty about constant TV etc

@ChocaholickWe got a slide this weekend! I just feel guilty that going in the garden isn’t ’enough.’ I know that’s ridiculous but I can’t get over the mum guilt these past few weeks.

It's definitely enough, the garden is so much fun for toddlers.

Another thing we did a LOT at this age was hiding coloured pebbles in the flowerbed, (you know the cheap glass ones I mean that go in fishtanks). He comes and brings them to you and you sneakily hide them again while he finds more so the game never ends.

Don't be afraid of telling your 2yo that you have "an ouchie on your tummy" and that's why you can't pick him up, "cuddles only". I let my dd see my scar and because I did it in a smiling way, she just seemed to think it was like I got a graze falling over or something so she wasn't alarmed, but understood I couldn't pick her up for a while.

Mine are 3 and 7 and still love a ‘garden day’. I let them take all their toys out, fill the paddling pool with a couple of inches of water so they can play ‘aquariums’, fill the sandpit for ‘dinosaur desert’ and so on. They also have chalks, bubble guns, water pistols, plastic racquets and a ball, and watering cans. Our garden is actually fairly small but it keeps them entertained for hours.

Remember, high octane activities and constant entertainment don’t actually make children happy. My youngest is at his happiest when he’s playing hide and seek with my oldest. Their teachers and key workers say what great attention spans and play skills they have and how settled they are compared with other kids.