15 months old bad eating

[RIRO25]

Hi ladies, long one!
please no judgement here as I’ve gone through absolute hell with my babies feeding.
From 4 months old she stopped accepting drinking formula from the bottle. I could only feed her formula while she was sleeping, dream feeding. She had a high intake this way up until about 10months
When 10 months struck she started to refuse a full dream feed so I could only manage to get her a small intake of formula in daily along side food. Anyway, pediatricians were never really concerned and just told me to continue what I am doing. Stopped formula from 11months and she drinks water out of her straw cup but doesn’t accept milk that way.
Only way she will eat food is while watching TV and if I am feeding her 😭 She is 15 months.
I have tried to remove the TV while eating but she will not eat at all. Just will just stare around her and the Mia to get out of her highchair. Only foods she will touch without TV are blueberries, toddler crisps, grated cheese and maybe toast! If I use the TV she will eat a good amount of food, BUT I have to put the finger foods either in her hand for her, or pop the in her mouth. Will take about 30 mins for her to eat a decent amount of food. So I do not look forward to meal times at all it’s draining me. She will pick up foods and lick it before she decides wether to put it in her mouth or not. 80% she will not pick up the food and I have to do it for her. I’ve tried skipping meals so she is more hungry to be interested in food, but doesn’t really work. I don’t use TV inbetween meals time at all so she is getting about 1.5hr tv a day, slow shows like Bluey, hey dugee. What do I do. Again, her recent pediatricians appointment they are not concerned but it is draining! Her twin brother happily eats food so have no idea where her poor feeding has come from 🥲 She does not attend nursery.
So they called it a bottle feeding aversion, and now looks like it has transferred onto solids. I wouldn’t mind her watching tv if she actually touched the food and fed herself, but I have to sit there with her popping food in her hand or mouth.

You’re having to feed her because she’s too engrossed watching tv. Turn it off and sit them both at the table with you.

of course, I eat with them at every meal. He doesn’t watch the TV, but she does. I’ve tried turning the TV off for a few days and she does not eat. She will lick the food and refuse, throw on the floor. Or eat couple bites then decide she does not like it. Then it makes me worry as she had weight issues with her bottle aversion, that’s why she has been under pediatrics . I am loosing here

Was she a prem baby? Did she have tubes and things up her nose or in her mouth or oxygen masks on her face as a newborn? If she did then she might have developed an aversion because of this. A good speech pathologist or occupational therapist with experience in this area should be able to help.

With the weather warming up can you do some meals outside? The change of scenery might help, with things to look at like trees in the breeze, birds flying around, insects, people walking by, and things like that. Something for her to watch that isn’t a screen.

I’ve had one who was extremely fussy so I totally get how difficult it can be. My DC2 was later diagnosed with ARFID.

If she had a feeding aversion, did anyone ever talk to you about the possibility of CMPA?

If the Paeds are concerned, how is she doing in her centiles? Is she following her height and weight centiles?

Have they suggested any vitamin or mineral supplements?

One thing I’d really recommend is reading My Child Won’t Eat by Carlos Gonzalez.

I hope you find a solution soon

No she wasn’t a prem baby! The paediatrician went over this at her appointment and explained what your explaining to me actually. So yh not sure where the bottle aversion came from 🥺 They don’t really give me any support with the professional side of things, she lost a lot of weight but I managed to keep it back on track with solids back then so they have always just said to me keep doing what I’m doing but I know in the long run it is not okay! I get worried to ever leave her with anyone as no one else knows how to feed her 🙈

Good idea. When I’m out and about she doesn’t eat her snacks very well in her pram. Few days ago at the zoo I tried to give her lunch in the pram but she just spat it all out. I will try again though

Hi, thank you so much. Yes of course they looked at milk allergies and all but has just been put down to bottle aversion. She has milk now in her porridge, cheese, custard, yoghurts etc and she seems very happy to eat these so I don’t think she has an allergy

She dropped centiles when she stopped accepting formula dream feeding that’s why I was referred to peads but I’ve always managed to keep her centiles back on track through the TV feeding solids. With the TV she does eat a lot now but it is just draining having to help her with every single bite. Yes she has extra vitamins and recent blood tests have came back perfect in everything, again this is thanks to all my effort with the tv feeding as before she was not as healthy so it scares me when she doesn’t eat as it brings back the bad memories of when she was loosing weight.
i will have a read thank you so much x

You need to place the food in front of her - she has 15 mins to eat - if she refuses take it away.

They again later

Don’t look at her and hold a conversation about anything - take the pressure off no toddler self starved.

Give her things she likes and things to try - even if she spits something out - keep trying they do learn to like things (looking at you DS!)

I had a baby who I used to distract feed at the age too. My baby was also difficult with formula and I spent a lot of time with HV trying to understand why my baby wouldn’t take bottles. He however loves cows milk and would happily drink bottles of cows milk at this age.

my baby is now 7 and he can eat with out the TV being on and he can communicate which foods he will eat. There are many foods he just struggles with so we now have arround 10 meals I can rotate. He is growing and thriving. As he gets older still his tastes will get better. I was a similar child and I eat much better now as an adult.

i wanted to share this as people will tell you you are making unbreakable habits but the priority is to get your child to eat. Fed is best. What you can’t see is that as your child gets older they will want to be more independent or their food tastes will evolve.

I’d just carry on if it works. You could maybe try a Tonie box or Yoto player as an alternative, but I’d just do what ensures she eats.

It’s not true that no toddler self starved. A NT child won’t but a ND one absolutely can unfortunately.

@RIRO25 I asked about being prem because she’s a twin and with twins often being born early I thought that maybe she was prem. I’d definitely look into getting speech pathologist or occupational therapist help with her eating. How is she with teeth brushing? Does she allow it easily or is it a big struggle to get it done? Does she ever willingly put anything into her mouth like a toy or something random she’d found on the ground? It sounds tricky and frustrating.

Thank you so much for this comment, and sorry you also had a hard time when your son was a baby! I’m glad he took onto cows milk. She will not drink it, when I try her with the bottle now she will just laugh when I put it in her mouth 🤣
The distraction feeding would be much easier if she willingly picked up the food instead of me doing the placing! I stem more towards fed is best as I have ‘trauma’ regarding her loosing weight when she wasn’t taking the formula. It scared me?

Thank you. She does love her tonies box, I will try to use that more!

of course. I do worry about ND but she is hitting all her milestones just not walking yet!

Yh I know why you asked haha! But they was born big at 37 weeks! She’s totally fine with teeth brushing and toys are always in her mouth. She will eat a few things without tv - blueberries, grated cheese, chips, toddler crisps/puffs, rice crackers and maybe toasts. When I’m eating my food on the sofa she will climb up and have a look, when I offer her some she will giggle, get shy usually hide 😅

Look up ARFID. Sounds like she is developing it

I feel for you. One of my children was very similar and was later diagnosed with ARFID and Autism. I could only get limited foods into her when she was distracted. There was otherwise screaming, vomiting etc. I remember leaving her when she was quite tiny to watch the television with some finger foods and watching like a hawk through the hatch. She did then eat. Eating for her was such a stressful experience and me being there made it extremely confrontational. I tried everything under the sun and had very little sympathy, let alone practical help. If I had known about ARFID, I might have been able to get more help, but given that she was thriving physically, I’m not sure anyone would have wanted to know. I just want to reassure you that this is not you. It is so hard when you want to get things right and not have tv, offer healthy foods etc and yet nothing works. My daughter is now older and has had help from a feeding clinic as well as a great deal of support from us, her family. She eats a huge array of healthy foods and can be very positive and excited about food. Just keep calmly offering food and do whatever works. Keep seeking help. You’ll get there. Best of luck.

Thank you very much. I really hope it is not ARFID developing as that seems such a challenge, well I am already deep into a challenge! It’s true at this age she is there has never been any help provided to me, because she is hitting milestones they just say keep doing what your doing blah blah. I can’t financially afford private help. I’m also in two minds maybe me relying on the TV so much is making it worse? But I have tried to stop using it and there was not really any improvement. I try removing the TV for couple of days then I get really worried she hasn’t ate at all then I bring it back. She is very cautious about food, she will pick up whatever is on her plate between her two fingers, index & thumb, carefully bring in towards her mouth & lick it back and forth before deciding what to do with it. Also if I pop anything into her mouth which is ‘too big’ she will spit it right back out and I’ll need to half it so she can chew it easier. Where as her twin brother can chew down big bits of food! And doesn’t lick it before stuffing it in his mouth 😅😅

It’s good that she’s meeting all of her milestones. Walking isn’t a concern yet. The NHS guidelines are to see the GP if they’re not walking by 18 months but you’re a fair bit off that yet

My own DD ate fine up until 12 months then she started being fussy, unfortunately I did t know about ARFID at the time. Your DD may or may not have it. Some can just be fussy little buggers when they’re toddlers

If you are worried though you could do the 18 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages and this progress checker from Speech & Language UK and see how she scores on both

It does sound more like ARFID than anything else.

One thing you could try is a grazing plate. Have a mix of ‘safe food’ and new food on a plate that’s put out and left for her. Remove the demand of having to eat anything and let her come to the plate and explore as she will.

My DS had ARFID - at 16 he is mostly over it.

We did expand his safe foods around age 2 but taking away all milk and offering homemade
mini burgers (same shape, made of chicken lamb beef fish) at each meal. He did get hungry enough to eat them (no snacks) and it meant that he did have a good protein source.

One thing they encouraged at the feeding clinic was playing with food and praising any attempt to engage with the food eg. smelling, touching etc. This was with an older, school age child though. We had a referral via a gastroenterologist after issues with constipation. As hard as it is to have a child diagnosed with ARFID, in a sense it’s harder not to have a diagnosis, if you’re still having to deal with the problem but on your own. While labels can sometimes be unhelpful, if they bring help and support with them, they can be very helpful indeed!

So I think I had a successful day today with no TV during eating! I used the tonies box during her breakfast and she ate all her ready brek (2 heaped spoons of the oats) with half a banana mixed in. Snack time I did use TV for the 10 minutes she ate a small yoghurt and a half an oat bar. Lunch time I used the IPAD but turned the screen around so she was just listening. She ate 8 raspberries! - A new one to add to her safe list! And she ate one pancake, she wouldn’t touch the pancake but allowed me to pop it in her mouth. Snack veggies straw puffs while playing. Dinner I used the IPAD but again turned screen around so she couldn’t see- she ate a handful of grated cheese herself, allowed me to feed her 2 chicken meatballs and some potatos cubes! Refused the veg ha & ate small custard pot. Then a bigger yoghurt just before bed but that was with TV on so I know her belly was nice & full before bed. I’m happy with that tbh! I will try again tomorrow! But she really won’t touch the main foods with her own hands

Awesome! I wonder if she doesn’t like touching some foods. Have you given her a fork or spoon she can try to use to feed herself?

Yes but she doesn’t understand it at all yet 😅 Time to start the practice seriously now!