I have a 10 year old son who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We have a very steady, consistent home life environment, as I am a single parent. I work full time and am currently going through perimenopause, so to say my life can be tough is an understatement.
My son has inattentive ADHD, so not hyperactive but can be VERY difficult to get going, mornings can be challenging, along with getting him ready to leave the house for pretty much anything, even if it's an activity he really enjoys. He does have anxiety and so I desperately try to keep things calm before leaving the house, despite swallowing my frustrations and honestly wanting to lose my mind and blow up like a bottle of fizzy pop on occasion.
Pretty much everything that is asked of him is a challenge, he will try and distract me with wanting affection to avoid getting straight on with the task, it's a challenge to get him into the bath, then get him out. It's a challenge to get him to bed, then get him up. I also work in the same kind of area in work, so am surrounded by it 24/7. So much so I'm considering a career change and have come close most days to leaving my job, as there's just no let up.
As I'm perimenopausal, I'm very low on energy and don't sleep too well, therefore I get tired out quite easily. I have tried to build routine at home that is helpful to both of us, such as massively decluttered and done away with lots of 'stuff', much more minimalist than I was. We have bins in every room, just small ones in the corner. We have a schedule that is accessible to my son, so he knows what's happening on what days for both housework and outdoor activities. He has been told repeatedly since a toddler that we get up, have a wash then make our bed, and just lots of little things like this to keep the house in order.
What I'm finding is, he is leaving his rubbish all around the house, he will leave cups, glasses etc everywhere if he's had the opportunity to sneak them by me. Doesn't matter how hard I try as a one woman band, there is always some kind of trail left behind him, be it toys, cups, rubbish etc. The house can be spotless on the odd occasion he's not with me, he'll come home and this seems to really irritate him. I'll leave the living room, come back in and cushions, blanket, stuff out of drawers is all over the floor, then he will attempt to just walk out of the room, go to his room and then it's stuff all over his room.
Rubbish stays where he drops it, I no longer allow cups or glasses out of the kitchen but he does manage to sneak them out if I'm not watching like a hawk. It's like once it's out of his mind and not useful, the item is dropped and he's mentally moved on (part of his ADHD I know). It's like he's not comfortable unless we live in a tip. The routines I try to instil never stick, no matter how hard I try or reinforce it, again another symptom.
He also dopamine eats, to the point he will make himself sick. I have to monitor and hide food at home, but when he goes to my parents they just let him pig out and then I have to deal with him throwing up when he's home. He doesn't go there often because they simply don't take onboard what I say. They will also wait on him hand and foot and so this doesn't help encourage him either. This means I don't have anyone to reinforce what I'm trying to support him with.
I'm honestly at the end of my tether. It's to the point I'm physically and mentally exhausted from chasing my tail, day in and day out, constantly dealing with the challenges of trying to get him motivated to do absolutely anything and everything. There's nowhere for me to turn for support and I'm already on antidepressants.
I'm really knowledgeable in this area, but just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Its relentless and never ending. I'm so patient with him, firm when I need to be but I feel like I can't carry on constantly on the go like this. Waking up every morning knowing there will be a 2 hour fight to get him up and prepared for the day, before we've even gone to work/school/activity. Then the constant cleaning up, encouragement to get him to clean up, the hours it will take to complete tasks and constant procrastination and avoidance.
Please comment with useful tips you have found that support your children and yourselves well. I am absolutely out of ideas and energy. Sorry for the long post.