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I need help with 5yo son

3 replies

lazybumblebee · 11/04/2026 19:35

Hi,

I’m here looking for some advice or some help with my 5 year old son. He started reception in September and had no problems at all, absolutely loved going to school and has made lots of friends. The teachers are very pleased with his progress in all areas. Out of nowhere the week before Easter break he started refusing to go to school. DH and I ended up having to physically carry him in one day with him kicking and screaming and clinging to us.

We’ve come to the end of our Easter break now and he starts school again on Monday. He’s already getting worked up about it. Whenever we mention it he’s getting upset and saying he misses me too much when he’s there and it makes him very sad etc. I know that starting from Monday this is going to be an absolute nightmare.

We’ve talked quite a bit about why he doesn’t want to go to school. He says there isn’t any problems with teasing, he likes his teachers etc. He has just said he really misses me, and that he doesn’t like phonics and assembly because he has to sit too still and it makes him very sad and grumpy. He was sick during phonics a few weeks ago and he said afterwards that it was giving him a headache so he was sick.

A bit more background info:
He’s always been a trickier child. As a baby he was very intense, wouldn’t be put down. He walked at 9 months and was talking full sentences by his second birthday.

He’s also always had hugeeee meltdowns. These are not tantrums. When he kicks off it’s as if he can’t hear what we’re saying to him. He doesn’t want to be touched or talked too, it’s like he’s shutting down.

He’s very emotional. Big swings in mood and seems to feel things very deeply compared to other children.

He finds it very hard to sit still sometime, doing lots of jiggling and squirming on his chair at mealtimes. He likes to climb. But on the other hand he can sit and concentrate on things that he likes, such as crafting or imaginative play or a tv programme.

We don’t think he is autistic. He makes friends very easily and is extremely sociable. He’s very empathetic and loves imaginative play. He can spend hours doing this with his brother.

We don’t have screens in the house apart from a bit of tv after school or on a weekend morning. He gets plenty of exercise, he does sport after school two nights and cycling at the weekend as a family. Healthy diet, very little UPF and he doesn’t have any food aversions.

Sorry for such a long post!! I’m just so exhausted from the emotional turmoil he experiences and the school refusal. I’m bracing myself for Monday, and would love any advice anyone has to offer.

Any thoughts/ideas?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
starmoonsun · 11/04/2026 19:42

From your post I'm thinking possibly ADHD. My daughter can focus well on things she is interested in, can sit still at school etc but finds it hard to focus if not interested or if there is people making noise in class she gets cross.
She has extreme meltdowns and won't listen to anything being said and just repeats what is fixed in her eg I don't like xyz, I can't to xyz and when she's comes out of it almost seems not to realise what she's just done.
Doesn't present with what you might image ADHD to be like as is not really hyperactive but is loud and unfocused at times.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 11/04/2026 19:45

Sorry you have this, it must be hugely stressful.
id email the school - maybe you could stay for a bit each morning and then gradually drop it off a bit when he settles a bit?? There was a
child In my daughters class who was like this and it was later diagnosed as ADHD and he’s much better now (year5) but it took a bit of getting sorted.

easterholsfinally · 11/04/2026 19:57

As you’re not giving him screen time (computers) then he is having to cooperate with life and when they are young it’s defo harder to tell if ASD or not.

Is the dad / yourself ND?

Is he sensory socks / t shirts etc. Any weird / unbalanced walking / hand flapping etc.

Could be ASD / adhd. Don’t carry him into school - it should be an “ok” place if you force it potentially it will backfire later on.

Get his eyes tested. Watch alpha blocks on tv (gosh is that even a program any more) 😬 it might be the pressure too - make sure you read bedtime stories and make sure he drinks lots.

Dont force him into school. Check out if the teacher is nice , friends issue and also the level of work. Hard when they are little.

However harder to spot if ND compared to NT when little.

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