2 and a 1/2 year old toddler and a 1 week old newborn! Help!

[Murplen]

My toddler doesn’t want to know the baby exist, since bringing the baby home it’s like my toddler has had a personality transplant! He was a happy, funny cheeky boy but now he’s being so naughty, nasty and seems angry. He’s been hitting and biting when not getting his way.

We have also been giving him a lot of attention, lots of new toys/crafts from the baby but nothing is helping. Whenever we have had visitors they have made a fuss of him first before the baby.

If anyone has had a similar experience how long does this last? Any tips on how to make it better? I am at my wits end, I also had a 3rd degree tear during birth so still trying to heal from this also.

My husband has a month off work which is super helpful but I am dreading being on my own with them both when he goes back to work

Prioritise toddler during the day, focus on the baby at night.

If baby is crying say 'sorry baby you will have to wait, toddler needs my help right now

He's not naughty or nasty. He's massively disregulated and his entire world has been turned upside down. Lots of cuddles, attention and compassion and he will soon settle.

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He’s been hitting and biting when not getting his way.
What do you mean by not getting his way. Is this completely new behaviour. The way I looked at it was the baby had to fit in with in the routine we already had so there didn't seem to be too much of an upheaval.

@IloveeverycatThe hitting and biting is completely new behaviour and has never done that to myself or husband before. And by not getting his way I mean he will have a tantrum if he can’t go outside when it’s raining or jumping over the furniture, not going to bed etc, I’m starting to think it’s also to do with ‘terrible twos’ but the baby may have brought it on more.
We are sticking to his routine and I’m hoping next week when he can go back to nursery after Easter holidays may help.

Aw the wee mite has just had an absolute grenade thrown into his life. A sibling will be such a gift long term but right now, he has just went from being the main focus and your wee baby to being a big boy that needs to wait whilst you just do x and y for the new littlest most vulnerable person in the family. It will all be ok in a few months when it's the new normal but for now cut him a bit of slack. And yourself

Definitely nursery will help! When DD2 was born, DD1 (2y 9m) was an angel to her sister but all her big feelings came out to DH and I, and her behaviour was rather unpleasant for quite a while. Having her own space away from the baby at nursery hugely helped, lots of 1:1 time with me when DH could take the baby as well. I tried to prioritise doing bedtimes solo with her for a while too as some special time together. Its a massive change for them and they will adjust but it just takes time, reassurance and cuddles. Watch out for potty training regressions as well - very common too. They are 2y and nearly 5y now and despite the fighting over the same toy, have a lovely sibling bond.

Lots of understandable sympathy for your toddler so far, op, but none for you while you're only 1 week post-partum

It's a lot for you to deal with, how supportive is your husband being? Try not to panic about when his paternity leave is up, you've got another 3 weeks for things to start to settle.

Getting back into your toddlers nursery routine must help too, and you might find there are other mums there with first hand experience who can give advice!

Don't make things harder for yourself than they need to be in the meantime - eg if he wants to play outside when it's raining,dress him in a puddlesuit & boots and let him go for it.

What is his attitude/behaviour to the baby?

It’s such a big life change for your toddler and they don’t know how to deal with something like that so young. I have a slightly smaller age gap than you with my DC, and whilst we didn’t experience any behaviour changes as drastic as what you’re seeing, we found that getting the toddler involved in ‘helping’ with the baby really stopped them feeling excluded - as if it were me and toddler working together to care for the baby. Simple things like choosing baby’s clothes, getting their bath things out etc - my toddler started to really enjoy it and now they’re inseparable. It does get easier!

Toddler comes first!
Best advice I was given when my DC2 arrived and toddler was 2.5y was this: the baby won't remember but the toddler might, so always respond to toddler first

It does get easier. Honestly, but not for quite a while.

Why can't toddler go outside when it's raining? What's the worst that will happen? He'll get wet. Does he have a puddle suit and welly boots?

He wants to jump over furniture. Roll with it - create an indoor obstacle course of things he can do. Mine still loves this, even now and they're 3 and 5! Through the chair legs, up a step, spin on the spot, jump from cushion to cushion floor is lava style, climb over a chair. Map it out with masking tape on the floor, get them to help. Around the baby, under the table, etc.

I'm not suggesting you give in to all toddler demands but instead put a positive spin on them and gently involve baby, so you can say yes more and no less.

Remember toddler's world has been flipped. He misses you, wants your attention and will try all the ways to get it.