PFB alert!

[ChukkyPig]

I was at a baby party the other day and my 11mo had found a nice paper cup to play with. All fine and dandy.

Then a 4-5 yo boy came up took it off her, took it away but in her sight, put in on the ground and stamped on it.

So I got her another cup, which she was playing with, the boy's mother came out and the boy again took the cup, took it away and started playing with it. His mum said "oh are you playing with the baby's cup?". They played with it for a bit then the boy crushed it and they went off.

Now the baby is too young to know that he was being nasty, and wasn't upset at all and smiled merrily at the boy the whole time. But I was really upset and it made me realise what is in store for later.

Was it OK for the boy to take the cup from the baby? Was it OK that his mum thought it was OK? I wouldn't have thought so but I am new to all this parenty stuff.

And how do you cope when the child is old enough to know that someone is being nasty - I felt ready to burst into tears on her behalf then and she wasn't even upset!

personally his mother should have given it back and explained about how it is not right to take things off babies. i too am PFB alert and would have taken it off him if his mother was dong nothing! but then like you say the baby was so young it would nto have understood so maybe i would have left it. but been pissed off all the same!

Oh, I know your pain . The first time an older child (all of 18mths ) pushed my precious dd, I nearly burst into tears (and then nearly punched him)... Mind you, dd WAS upset and confused. It really doesn't affect me as much anymore, but wanted to say that I think most of us have been there . Other children can be soooooo horrible (or 'normal' depending on your pov).

HOWEVER I am not shy about saying to children, 'no, the baby is playing with that cup, why don't you get another one?'. Or gently disciplining others. But then I was a teacher in my previous life...

it's quite possible that the mother of the 4 year old is quite aware that your baby wasn't bothered because at that age they just aren't and your LO was possibly more impressed with the cup crushing than annoyed by it. It's also quite possible that if an issue was made out of it the 4 year old would throw a tantrum and possibly decide that your baby is not good news and the problem would escalate. 4 year olds are complicated people and for some parents, it works to ignore the naughty stuff.

By the time your child is old enough to understand when someone is being mean, they will put up more of a fight.

Not long after that, your LO will be mean to kids younger too.

I would try to be understanding. 4 year olds can be very difficult in social situations and it's unfair to judge her parenting skills.

Welcome to the world of socialising with children.

If it was my DS, I would have asked (made!) him give the cup back and reminded him thet it is not nice to take things from anyone, especially a baby.

I had a similar experience recently with my nephew (3) and my son (9 months). My son was lying on the ground with his hands out in front of him and my nephew went up to him, looked around and knew that adults were watching, and then stamped on my son's hand. He was very lightly reprimanded by his parents imo. On another occasion he covered my son with a duvet in what I thought was a very menacing manner, at which point I scolded him myself. I was left wondering if this is normal behaviour from a 3-year old or if he's turning into a little bully who knows he can get away with this kind of thing...?

Anyway sorry to hijack. I know how you feel and it's not at all nice!

I think I'm going to have to develop a thicker skin. I'm not at all confrontational and although I sort of wanted to say something to the boy or his mother, along the lines of would it be OK for baby to have her cup back now, I'm not used to speaking to people I don't know! I suppose I'm quite shy really.

Going to have to get over it I think, I don't want DD growing up not saying anything when other children are mean. I don't want her to be mean herself though. Hmm tricky!

Really dreading the first time someone makes her cry though!!!

you really really will get used to it (so will dd).

Dd used to look really bewildered when other kids hit/pushed her but now she says 'don't PUSH me'. assertive, not aggressive. it does all work out, honest...

I like your posts. You sound like me and mine are all older, no longer babies, but I always feel that pang. Never really got the hang of seeing that sort of thing happen to them at all.

I would have done a bit more to make amends if I had been the boy's mum.

It does all get rather pushy and shovey as they get older and feelings get stomped on. I usually sound all reasonable and laid back about such things - inside I'm steaming

Tsar

It was more the fact that the boy was being spiteful. She's already been shoved over a few times by other babies and she is very stoic. And it doesn't really bother me too much either.

It's just that awful moment of realisation which she will have one day, that people can be nasty to her on purpose, and that she can't expect everyone to be nice to her. That must be a horrible thing for a baby to realise.

Still it's inevitible so I will start bracing myself..

I am so going to be in floods!