Am I doing enough with my 8 month old each day?

[Slightlyanxiousmummy]

Inspired by the thread about the baby being in a playpen whilst mummy watches tv in the mornings, I’m a bit anxious that I’m not doing the things I should be doing with mine.

Briefly, baby is 8 months old. He’s not crawling yet, he has reflux still and hates being on his tummy but if you put his legs in the crawling position he can wobble balance there for a minute or so. He sits really well and can sit up on his own for an hour easily playing with his toys. He’s a very happy and chilled little guy, naps are in the cot or on the go, bedtime is fine and he wakes once in the night for a feed usually but otherwise sleeps well. We don’t follow a specific schedule but broadly watch for wake windows and sleepy cues.

He eats three meals a day, is going through spoon refusal so fully baby led. I make a lot of veggie pancakes, muffins, oat bars etc. and then dinners are usually tray bakes with chicken or salmon or something that we also eat. He’s very good with textures, I don’t really mash anything anymore and just let him go for it. He gets plenty of herbs and spices, if I want to make us a curry or chilli for dinner I just make it baby friendly and make it into finger foods for him.

So I thought I was doing ok but the playpen thread has really stressed me out because lots of people are saying that baby spends too much time on their own or in a container. A typical day for us is wake, boob, playtime on his own whilst I do laundry around him. I usually play peepo or at least narrate what I’m doing. Then he goes into the high chair for breakfast and bangs around with some pots and pans whilst I prep it. I talk about what I’m cooking and sing him songs. Then nap time.

Then when he wakes up it’s boob and then we either go to meet friends or baby group/a class or walk the dog. I try to make sure he gets floor time at these meet ups but if it’s a dog walk then he’s in the carrier or pram. Then back into the high chair for lunch prep and eating. Then nap time. The afternoon is the same but we might go somewhere in the car or go to the play park as well. I’m always talking to him in the pram about what he is seeing and what the dog is up to, he’s very observant and curious about the world and never cries. Then home for dinner so back into the high chair and playtime again. Then it’s books, bath and bed.

Basically I’m worried I’m not doing enough with him. I’ve always worried about this and chatted to the health visitors but they haven’t been very helpful. He only wants to sit up and the only time he cries in the day is tummy time so I do tend not to force it. I think on average he gets probably 15 minutes a day. What else can I be doing with him? I basically worry I don’t “play” enough with him although I do think I’m good at narrating and singing what I’m up to as I do jobs around him and make those into games eg tickling whilst I cook or hide and seek (for me) whilst I tidy. I’m not constantly setting up baby sensory stations for him or buying him new toys every few days, and I think physically I don’t push him enough. I sort of thought it would just happen that he would learn these things on his own. I just feel I’m letting him down now he is older and I’m after some advice on how to help him grow well.

Sounds like you are doing loads. I don’t see any problem there.

Nothing wrong with playpens either, especially if you have pets or other hazards. If they are happy doing playtime or watching you leave them to it. They are not classed as containers. That refers to baby seats and jumperoo type things.

That sounds perfect OP. Babies dont need much really. You are chatting to him, playing with him, taking him out to experience the world around him. Him being around you while you do chores is fine, you aren't ignoring him you are still including him. Contrary to what many on mumsnet would have you believe babies and young children don't need every waking minute filled with activities. Just keep doing what you are doing.

The biggest problem with the post you are quoting was the screen time. Strapping a 10 month old into a high chair with a tablet to watch Ms Rachel is pretty bad, on top of an hour of TV in the morning, and is a recipe for problems later on.

You're doing great. Enjoy the freedom you still have, once they start walking you'll be a lot more restricted in what you can do.

I saw that and thought the same about my seven month old but honestly my day sounds like yours and I don’t know how I could possibly do more than I’m already doing!

Sounds fine. Sling time is good for their core muscles.

Not all babies like being on their tummy and don’t crawl that much at all. Some shuffle! Some are just not bothered about crawling and if he’s got toys in a playpen, what’s the incentive to crawl? It’s all handy. Is there any reason why he’s not “loose”? He sleeps more than mine did in the day. Mine didn’t have a morning sleep at 8 months. Didn’t use a sling either. They faced me and then outwards to be excited by the world around them.

We used to do far more reading to ours though. Always pointing out shapes and colours in books. Making silly noises etc! Mine loved rhyming baby books. I thought yoy meant Peepo the book! Each Peach Pear plum was another baby favourite here as well. Toys were posting shapes and toys to exercise fine and gross motor skills and I played with them. Maybe less time in the playpen?

Your day sounds mostly what I did with both of mine. Do you do any baby classes? Not every day, but one or two a week, or a free playgroup / children's centre thing for under 1s can be good as well. I used to take both DDs to baby swimming and a toddler sensory class but that was it. I found DD1 especially was far more amenable to tummy time if lots of other babies were doing the same?

I think if you can just make sure that in a day they get some free time for them to be on the floor and working all their muscles, its very good for them. If baby is doing that whilst you do laundry, then great - its not clear whether you mean you have them in the playpen then? Also, there are different types of playpens - if you have a big wooden one that sits on the floor and DC can move around whilst in there, then thats very different to my one, which was essentially a travel cot and so only used sporadically when DDs needed to be fully contained (eg. nipping to the toilet, answering the door, bringing in the shopping etc)

The only thing id say is maybe see if you can cut back some of the highchair? With DD2, she didnt like the highchair so I wouldnt even put her in it whilst I was doing lunch prep - i would just put some toys on the kitchen floor near me (not near the cooker obviously) and let her play. Then put her into the highchair just before I served up.

It will also get lots easier as we get into the summer as parks / gardens are great for little arms and legs to get working. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

When my baby was eight months, I thought I’d done well if we got through the day. I’m sure you’re doing great @Slightlyanxiousmummy .

That sounds like a perfect day learning about the world

Thank you, this is reassuring. You’re right, it is easier with the better weather. The past ten days we’ve been outside on the picnic blanket for an hour or two a day either with friends or by ourselves at the park coffee shop which has been really lovely. I forgot we do that, the days all blur haha.

When I’m doing laundry he’s actually on our bed whilst I fold it and put it away. I know I can’t get away with this for much longer but he doesn’t really move at all still. He can roll but won’t do it ever, he shifts around in his cot a lot and sleeps on his side so he can do it but during the day he wants to sit up and play and will do that staying put for an hour if left to. I’ve only recently realised I should be helping him roll and crawl so I put him in position on the blanket now, and help him stand for a few minutes a day. I didn’t realise everyone else was doing this until recently.

I do about 3 baby classes a week (one church group, one music group, one baby forest school) which I do love. I’m on the unpaid bit of my mat leave this term though so having to watch the cash, and he’s going to nursery halfway through so sadly some of it will have to stop.

I do sing to him all day and this post has helped me realise I play with him more than I thought eg when cooking he “helps”. We don’t actually own a playpen and I was thinking of getting one but seeing these comments has put me off.

I do read more than once a day, you’re right. I think they all blur together and I forget but I read after every boob feed so that’s probably 4 times a day, as he has to sit up for ages because of the reflux still. If they are “loose” how do you make it safe? None of our furniture is stuck to the walls and we have a tiny two bedroom terrace with pets so there is just stuff everywhere. I know we need a sort out imminently.

Also what do people do about hard floors in the kitchen if they aren’t in the high chair? He used to play on the floor sitting on our rug with another blanket on top and a cushion behind him but he fell forwards and hurt his face a bit so I lost confidence with that. We don’t have a totter and tumble mat, my dog would destroy it with his sharp claws so not worth the money. I tried a folding yoga mat but it was too thin and my usual mat (also destroyed by the dog and cat) is too narrow.

I didn't read the whole thing but rest assured, people who are actually neglecting their babies are not posting on mumsnet worrying about it. I'm sure you're doing absolutely fine, OP

You sound like you are doing absolutely fine. I think just be aware of not using screens - it’s bad for their developing brains so watching tv all day instead of interacting wouldn’t be ideal, but in that previous thread the mum was relying with a coffe for 30mins! Hardly neglect!! Little ones don‘t need to be doing a million interactive things and if they are happy chilling in the playpen - good for you. Playing or just gazing at the world is different to being in front of a screen. It‘s fine for babies to be not doing anything but not fine for them to be overstimulated by TV that is harmful to their brain development. I‘m jealous as mine was a Velcro baby and I would have loved him to chill in the playpen!! I think it‘s important to do little things like reading books, singing songs with them, talking to them while you are doing stuff yourself but not 24/7 entertaining or activities.

Mine was ‚loose‘ - yes just a blanket on the floor and being frustrated because I could get anything done!! But I didn‘t have pets. That would have made things harder.

This is loads / more than I did.

My 4 and 2 yr old and developmentally normal / in the more advanced end on a few things.

Just relax and enjoy yourself leave..I thought play pen mum.was fun btw

It sounds like you're doing a good job. If you're worried about lack of tummy time you could look to use the sling more vs the buggy as that is really good for developing their core strength, which is a lot of the point of tummy time.

The other thing I'd say is that if you're popping him in thr highchair to play with stuff rather than doing it on the floor, he's not getting much opportunity to figure out crawling etc. Pop him on the floor with the pots and pans or whatever, and put some of them out of reach. That will encourage him to explore.

I'd also put him on the floor, not your bed. They have a tendency to all of a sudden with zero prior warning decide to crawl off the edge when your back is turned, having shown no interest ever before!

Our totter and tumble has survived a mad working cocker spaniel and is honestly one of the best things I bought! It’s super easy to roll up if you wanted to take it up at night!

We have the same dog. Did it actually? Does yours run in from a walk and dry themselves/do zoomies all over it? I love her but she’s a nutter. Maybe it is worth the money then if that’s the case. I just didn’t want to spend £££ for it to look scratched in two days.

Thank all, this is reassuring. He doesn’t get any screens (though I spend too much time on my phone in front of him which I am now trying to curtail). I can definitely do more carrier walks and try and get him on the floor more. We have hard floors in every room except the kitchen and steps all over the place - honestly our house is not ideal for babies. I think it might be time to break out the stair gates and embrace floor time or just go outside for all the awake time and embrace doing chores whilst he is asleep.

I think being able to play independently is actually a really important skill for kids.

You sound like you are doing an amazing job. The talking to your LO is hugely important. As he gets older I'm sure that you will introduce different things into your routine but right now he sounds like he is getting everything he needs.

he does like rolling on it after she’s gone to bed sometimes and walks over it all the time and it’s 2 years old now and still in good shape- he barely pays it any attention now!

We do keep them apart though as he’s a rescue with some issues and as much as he loves LO we wouldn’t be want there to be any issues! We got a baby gate between the living room and dining room and covered it in Perspex so he can still see in but LO can have freedom in the living room!

Our whole house is hard floors. You don't really need to worry about it too much if it's wood/laminate/LBT as they're not that hard. Falling and bumping is all part of being a baby. Once they are on the move they will forever be bumping into things no matter how much you baby proof. If they're just sitting and trying to crawl they won't do themselves major harm.

I would be more cautious with tiles, marble etc though, but still doable with a more padded mat.

If you want to put something down in the kitchen when you're cooking you could look at those foam type tiles that jigsaw together. They're quick and easy to put down and pick up.

It sounds like you have a perfectly content baby. As he gets a bit older he will learn to crawl and like being on the floor more thank yourself lucky you have a content baby who naps and sleeps well. You are doing great.

@Slightlyanxiousmummy Maybe get a couple of rugs? I don’t see any advantage in not walking him in a pushchair facing outwards. Look at what he sees and talk to him. They get a lot of fun from this.