Did you/do you hate the idea of your child starting school?

[LittlePetitePsychopath]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

DS is due to start school in September. We're likely to get one of two very nice schools, close to home, good facilities, lovely staff. We're very lucky, in that sense.

But I hate the idea of it. He feels so young to be gone from me, for so long. Right now he goes to preschool twice a week and enjoys it, and he's fine away from me, but we also get lots of time to do things together. We do science experiments and go to museums and bake and explore. He's great fun, and I love the things we do together. He learns so much. This week we've been obsessed with Artemis II, he's had a great time tracking it and learning about it. He does lots of classes, he knows a lot, it's not that I want to keep him small or uneducated!

But five days a week from September feels like such a lot. Not being able to go and do things together except for weekends and holidays. I know thats reality for a lot of families, but I basically rebuilt my business around not needing to do that... we tend to do things in the week when it's quiet, and then I work more at the weekend, and he has friends round to play with, or plays with his baby sibling.

Right now he's adamant he doesn't want to go that often, but before he was very excited to go, so I know that wavers. He'll go with a few friends of his, too, so that'll help... but it still feels so wrong, somehow. The school we're closest to, and will probably get into, doesn't seem to have any type of flexischooling policy. I couldn't homeschool, because I do have to work.

In our heads, we were living in Spain by now, so he wouldn't have needed to go until he was older... but I'm also uncertain about taking him away from his friends and the things he loves at 4, so we've not moved yet despite having the visas, so I guess maybe I've not prepared myself enough.

Is this a normal feeling?

DD2 wil be going into reception in September too. Personally I am more than ready for her to go! Currently she does a mix of half days/full days at preschool and I've been reluctant to increase the half days to full days, because I love the activities we do in the week. But I will probably increase by one half day for the last half term so she can be used to the longer days. From my own pov I wfh pt and I'm looking forward to having more time to myself once she's at school. She is my youngest so there is sadness at this phase of my life being over, but I feel she is ready for school and I'm ready to pursue other things.

Have you considered a delayed start, if your child is summer-born? It is something I would have done for DD2 but we plan to go private so it doesn't work well in that system.

Even though my DS will be a few weeks shy of 5 when he starts I'm absolutely terrified tbh. He's 3.5 now and pretty much non verbal and is on the pathway for assessment so there are so many things I'm going to have to fight for. If his talking doesn't start by then I honestly don't think I could put him into mainstream schooling because the thought of him being bullied and not being able to tell me makes me feel so sick and worried for him. I'm genuinely thinking of homeschooling if I can't secure a special needs school. Your little boy sounds like he'd absolutely thrive in school. I think it's pretty normal to feel how you do so hopefully you'll come to accept it and be happy about it 😊

No. Both my DC were so irritating by the end of preschool - they were bored and ready to move on. School has been great for them and it's amazing to see their knowledge and interests flourish.

I missed them for a bit, missed our little days out and our routines but got over it quickly!

Well it felt a little odd but I didn't have separation anxiety no

He’ll be in school for 190 days a year and with you for 175. On his school days he’ll only be in school for 6.5 hours unless you have to use wrap around care. It really won’t be as bad as you think and you’ll have plenty of time to do things together.

No. I've worked full time since ds was 2 so it was just a switch from child minder to school.
And he loved it. He'd been asking to go since he was three. He'd stand looking through the railings and say "when is it my turn mummy?"😊

Yes, I remember this. Mine went to nursery four days a week, because I worked, but we had Fridays together. I remember thinking exactly like you OP - oh no, now we've lost our lovely Fridays for ever.

I got used to it, and now work 5 days a week, but yes, that was the end of our lovely Fridays. 🙁

No, l liked it. Now you'll be able to give your business proper attention during the school day. Why not focus on that, and acknowledge that it's time for your child to move ahead to a different type of education?

Sounds like flexischooling or home education would suit you as a family?
Facebook group flexischooling families uk would give you a good idea of how to approach a school who has not had flexischooling pupils before. Home education for all uk group would give you more info on how parents who also work can make home education work.
If your child is born from 1st April you can delay the start by a whole year. Or you can part time school until the term after your child turns 5.
Personally, yes I did feel like that, partly because I would miss the time together and partly because I knew my child would find school very difficult.

No,mine were ready, I had 4, the oldest back in the 1970s,started school early. Oldest ds was 3.5;because of his birthday and there was entry at Easter. By 4 he was a computer whizz kid,he now designs VR games is incredible at art..

I remember feeling this way too. However, the wonders of reception for curious learners - which it sounds like your son very much is - completely reinforced the fact that my DC was absolutely ready. I just didn't know it. It was a different story for my subsequent DC who definitely wasn't ready! But, that reception year is a wonderfully fulfilling experience for those children who are. I felt just like you do - my first DC was resistant to going, knew nobody, but absolutely flourished and loved 100% of it.

I think it's normal to feel like this.
Could you look into flexi schooling? Or send part time if he's not yet 5.

No, I loved they were going. Was a bit worried for my August born DS as he really wasn't seeming that ready, but he did seem to like it and settle in OK.

I don't think that's normal way to feel. "Right now he's adamant he doesn't want to go that often" - yes, because you are clearly giving him a negative impression of school. Mine has been in nursery three full days since 10 months old and she loves it, school will be much less than that! You need to be positive about school so he picks up on that. Focus on your work, and remember he'll still be with you many more hours than he'll be at school. It seems a bit short sighted you changed your business to have time with him when you knew school was coming soon.

I didn't feel like this, no. I was excited for them taking a big step towards independence - it sounds like you've set him up amazingly and now he can start exploring the world without you in a safe place. I'm not unsympathetic but it sounds like you are largely coming from a place of how you will feel about it rather than seeing how he will benefit.

You sound like a good mum and I expect that he'll do well and you'll get used to the new normal very quickly.

It's not the same once they're at school though, because all your days together are at weekends and school holidays when everything is crowded. And you have less free time with extracurriculars, play dates, parties and slotting in appointments outside of school hours.
I've experienced it with DD1, and the time out of school is nothing like the endless free unstructured toddler days. But I agree it's just part of growing up, at least if you are in the English system (and if you really wanted to transfer to an overseas system where they start school later, you would have moved by now).

No, I didn’t / don't feel like that. My older DC is at school and I was happy for her to start reception and take that next step. My younger DC is at nursery (2 days a week) and I feel the same about her starting school in the future. I see it as a positive thing for them.

I think this is fairly normal. I worked fill time and my DD was at nursery 3 full days a week, but it still felt like such a wrench. She loved nursery and it felt like such a leap to leave her safe little world of play, friends and her key workers to school.

In reality, reception isn't that different to nursery really. It's a step up, but certainly not what we think of or remember of school. The whole of infants is a steady progression of expectations and responsibility - nothing changes overnight.

In a few years you'll be complaining about how often half term and the holidays come around. It's a life change, they are growing up. A lot of the learning in Reception is play based. So if you see it as a positive change he will pick up on it too. Yes, they are a little tired at first, but by Easter should be fine. As long as you don't enroll him into endless after school and weekend activities there will be plenty of time to unwind and do things.

Thanks all.

I'm absolutely not giving a negative impression of school. Infact, I am so positive about it that my husband was surprised that it's a bit of an act. It is a big change for them too!

And I do think the time around school is different. Nothing happens in the evenings here. He may be home by 4 but he'll be tired from school, there will be homework, and there's not much locally open beyond 5pm. Weekends will be fine but very busy, which then leads to a different kind of trip.

I could only keep him home until January so that feels like its unfair, and he'd be better to settle with everyone else... and I am considering asking about flexischooling, but the closer school doesn't seem to have a policy, and I'm not sure they'll be keen.

Maybe it is just that I spend so much time working with Europeans, who are so surprised that they start so young and so full on. I know reception will have plenty of time for play and I've picked a good school, I think, but it's still a big change. It feels like a bit of a conveyor belt from here on out.

I already do complain about half terms; but that's because everything is so expensive and busy! Our local play village is £6 per child in term-time; £14 in holidays. The zoo stops half the activities, like feeding the animals. There's just such a huge amount of children at the same time that the experiences are totally different. And that's without mentioning holidays!

Nope, I thought it was great, but mine were in nursery from 9 and 11 months, so they were more than ready. I think the main thing is that it isn’t about you and your feelings. While I’m not crazy about formal education from 4, I think it’s too young, I do think they need to be spending significant time with other children in communal settings by that age to support their development.

But you don’t have to do homework (we do very little in primary, secondary is different). The afternoons are still quite long. There is a lot of time to fill still before dinner and we do lots together. I wouldn’t keep him out in any way. Support him transitioning like everyone else so he can make friends. The academic side doesn’t matter, but staying out til January will not benefit him socially when he has to dive in to established friend groups where everyone is used to the routine.

No. They'd already done so much at nursery and we'd had endless educational days out (the only part of parenting I was ever good at).

Free education in a safe country is not to be sniffed at. Reception is mostly tootling around playing and learning how to mix with other children for the first few months.

You can still have loads of time together at weekends. It's another five months yet, things will change once you've had your first visit to the classroom in June/ July.

No i was working full time since older ds was 1. Also on maternity leave with youngest when ds1 started school so i was busy.