Reception child not liking school

[Froschlegs]

My 5 year old winter born (but born 12 weeks prem) boy started school in September. He often cries when I drop him off in the morning but the teacher says he quickly settles and is happy during the day. We have been quite matter of fact about it so far. (Both of us also work so we aren’t around all day at home). He is tolerant of the other children and well liked. He does name children who he prefers to play with and he’s been fine on a few play dates. He’s very kind and gentle (never hit out or anything). He’s bright - started school reading a bit, good at maths etc so he’s not struggling with that. He’s physically quite behind but manages toileting etc so doesn’t get any extra help.

After Christmas he started seeming much more subdued and quiet and not wanting to go out at all on weekends. He does normally like being at home but he was not wanting to do anything that he would normally like to do.

At parents evening I raised this and his teacher seemed to suggest that my child needed to change his attitude and that he was able to control the crying etc.

Over the Easter holidays he has gone back to his normal self. We had a lovely day out today and also a short holiday which he enjoyed.

How do you know if it’s just school tiredness or if the setting isn’t right? I’m starting to dread the return to school and I don’t want him to lose his spark.

Is he just there for the school day, or in wtap around as well?

What does your son say when you ask him about it?

He's going to the be the only person who can really tell you what's going on.

Does he tell you why?

I think it's the teacher that needs to change the attitude. Five is still really little, these things can take time.

Did he go to nursery or pre-school? If not it might just take a year or two to settle (from what I've seen of dad's classmates)

I'm not sure on the UK system but grade 1 in Australia is when you're 6, preschool (probably called something else now) was when you were 5. I despised preschool. Hated being told what to do. I could play, colour etc at home and did not see the point. I hid in the car (and nearly got away with it) so I didn't have to go. All I wanted to do was learn and we weren't doing any of that as far as I was concerned. I could already read - I was tenacious and wanted stories when I wanted them not when mum would read to us, so I taught myself as she read us stories.

Once I was in grade 1 I was happy and settled as I was learning. Not fast enough, so I was frustrated in that respect, but at least I was learning.

So I would suggest asking him about it. Not just if he's tired, but asking what he enjoys, what he doesn't. Obviously I didn't have the vocabulary to say the above at 5. But I certainly could have articulated I can colour at home.

We don't know what tone it was said with. She might have been sympathetic but sometimes there isn't a huge amount that can be done or changed - children just need to adjust to a new setting. There isn't always a clear way to fix the problem, unfortunately (especially when they problem is perhaps just the child would prefer to be at home which is perfectly understandable at 5).

I’m 36 now so I’m going some way back but I was exactly like this going to school. I was settled, had friends, clever, engaged and enjoyed school but drop offs in the morning is years 1 and 6 I used to cry every day and not want to be left. Ultimately I think I was just incredibly home sick and had an overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t control.

😭 this makes me sad. Did it just settle in time?

Sorry - to answer some questions. He went to preschool in a different school, which was a very small school. He did have periods of crying on drop off but it was occasional and seemed to settle whereas now it is most days really. I went in to watch his assembly and he cried loads when I left. It was horrible watching him cry on his own. I’m less concerned about the crying and more concerned about his general demeanour before the holidays. He just seemed quite flat and lacking any spark. That didn’t happen at preschool but he only did 3 days a week.

I have asked him and he just says he misses Mummy. I do think he’s quite an anxious sole and probably is worried about other things but possibly can’t articulate his worries.

no after school club- we pick him up or his Grandparents do. I don’t think he’d manage after school club at the minute.

I think this is what she meant. I just thought it would have improved by this point in the school year.

I think he may just grow out of it. “Just missing his mummy” is exactly how I felt. I just simply wanted to be at home with my mum or dad. If it helps at all, I absolutely did grow out of it, although I happened again in yr7. Looking back it probably had something to do with transitions too. I didn’t do it in reception, so maybe the jump to yr1 was too big for me. Same with yr 6 and 7. I distinctly remember my mum coming into school to discuss it with the teacher and I was happily playing and totally settled.
He may just be a sensitive soul. Though I feel the teachers attitude is wrong. My teacher in yr 7 told my mum I had to “pull my socks up, and can’t cry everyday” which is exactly what I didn’t need.
I think just be there, don’t react to it at all, positively or negatively and I’m sure he’ll grow out of it

I hope it improves. The teacher is quite no nonsense whereas at preschool the teacher used to give him a cuddle if he was upset. I guess the thing I’m worried about more than the crying is that he has seemed a bit down and not his usual self until the holidays.