Struggling with my aggressive toddler and the effect on his siblings

[VickGG]

Hi All, this may be a long post so I would appreciate any advise if you manage the read the full thing. I have 3 children, my oldest is a girl aged 7, then a boy aged 5 and another boy aged 2. My 2 year old has driven me to the point of insanity. I don't even want to say the word 'alcohol' but today I found myself having 1 beer because I just feel it's easier to parent him when I am not 100% sober. To put everyones mind at ease, I am not a casual drinker, I drink maybe a few times a year, but today I just wanted to have an 'easy day' when in reality it still wasn't.

My 2 year old will turn 3 in October, and I keep telling myself that he will grow out of this behaviour. One thing about him is that he us completely obsessed with me (his mom) - he won't let my husband hug our give me a peck without him either smacking him away or shouting. and this goes for his siblings too. My issue that I am really struggling with is that my middle child is being assessed for being on the spectrum, there is nothing serious, but things like he still cant form a full sentence, he says 'we went on holidays yesterday' when it was actually last year. he is also a super sensitive child with a stutter and he notices the stutter and has little self confidence. But my 2 year old loved to bully everyone in the house especially him. My 2 year old pinches us all, smacks us, kicks us but he does it more to my middle boy. Then my middle boy gets so upset and to be honest he is right to be upset as he gets visible cuts. Today he got one right by his eye. I am soooo done with my 2 year olds attitude, he screams, he shouts, he kicks, its like he gets these bursts of energy in a split second and will just go off and do the most chaotic thing by hurting. He also still doesn't sleep!

We have tried, sleep training, walks with him, one on one time, I try keep him away from his siblings but that means im also away from his siblings and they haven't gotten proper time with me in 1.5 years. im at a loss here. We try to get my husband more involved by doing his bed instead of me. but my son will non stop scream for me until I go in.

I'm sorry OP, that sounds really difficult.

Is there any sort of pattern as to what happens immediately before 2yo lashes out?
Do you think he may also be ND, it seems to be quite common for it to run in families. I expect there is some need that may not be clear yet which is not being met, because he can't tell you what it is! Behaviour is how children communicate feelings they can't explain yet. It doesn't make it easier for your other children I know, but maybe looking at it as him asking for help with something will help your own feelings about it all.

It is hard when kids don’t behave. I don’t whether the toddler is enjoying the attention he gets when he misbehaves and also “mark his territory” with his screams until you give in. I always find a tv show called “super nanny” very helpful, i don’t know whether you can find it these days maybe YouTube? But if you can watch some episodes and learn some of the skills, i think even it doesn’t solve the leovslm but hopefully can make some improvement. Essentially the tactic with kids is establish who is in control and then follow through in a fair way.