Was taking them home after my five-year-old lashed out too strict?

[Ifitsgoodenoughforyou]

Out at the park with 5yo and 2yo. They find a little car in the buggy and 2yo is holding it as going around. 5yo takes it from him and runs off, 2yo running after and eventually gets it back. 5yo has meltdown and is chasing him, before I can get there he has whipped him angrily around the face with his hat and shouts we're both bad people. I took them both home. I was calm told him we would now be playing in the garden because that was not acceptable behaviour.

5yo is under referral for possible ND so I dont know at which point I should be disciplining so strictly or he actually can't help it? Either way it's not really fair on 2yo.

He has now screamed for 45 minutes at home and has only just started calming down.

Was I too strict? What could I have done differently??

Every parent brings their own strengths and weaknesses to parenting, as well as the wider context of their own personal circumstances - income, support innthe wider community, etc. It's not possible to say one group as a whole has a harder time than another.

Come back to me when you have to use visuals to support your child for simple things like breakfast or have to work out when to start preparing a child to give them enough info to get get to a hospital appoinent if you’re lucky without preventing them doing anything else that week including basic hygiene.

I said parenting a ND child takes MORE planning and effort.

Your two year old will be learning by watching what your boundaries are. I have 3 ND kids and I would have done what you did: I had v hard boundaries about some things but my kids knew I meant what I said and that “if x doesn’t stop now we are going home” was a consequence that had teeth. (And sometimes going home is the right thing to do because they were simply overwhelmed/ dysregulated). You did good.

His behaviour is not acceptable Nd or not he can’t physically harm his brother you need to make that very clear which you did today not only with words but your actions reflected this.
I think he learnt a valuable lesson from today it may need repeating a few times before it sinks in. Tantrums are frustration coming out he didn’t get what he wanted and was mad about it that’s fine.
On a fairness level the little one had the toy first it’s in his buggy so probably his toy why should his brother be allowed to take it from him and then hurt him when he didn’t hand it over and then he couldn’t even play at the park I think he had the worse day.
you did a good job with the situation you were in though these situations are hard and results are not always going to be perfect try not to be hard on yourself.

You did the right thing, not too strict at all. Even if your eldest does turn out to have ND, he still needs to learn that there are consequences for being horrible to your brother.

Your youngest might have missed out but wouldn’t have enjoyed the outing anyway and it’s more important that he feels you stuck up for him when he was being treated unkindly.

You did well in the heat of the moment. The important thing is you stayed calm, made the boundary clear and explained your actions. I wouldn't worry about the two year old missing out at this point as the 2 year old is most probably just used to being taken from place to place anyhow. Just getting the car back would have most probably been enough in terms of compensation!

The important thing is you stayed in control. We're never going to get everything right, and it's so difficult juggling two so give yourself a pat of the back.