I resent my baby so much

[willgetflamedforthis]

My ds is 5months and is miserable and demanding. He won't sit anywhere for more than 5 minutes and crying qucikly escalates into full blown screaming - he was difficult as a tiny baby but instead of getting better he is getting worse. I have to carry him around the house and can't get anythign done, the house is a mess. I dread days and am only getting through them for the sake of bedtime. I am foul to my dd who is 3.5, yesterday I did what I thought I never would and smacked her when she was having a tantrum. she is only having tantrums because I am being horrible to her and don't have time/energy to play with her. Sometimes int he morning when ds wakes up smiling at me I can't even look at him and pass him to dh. He is bf and doesn't feed well, hardly feeding in the day. I know all the stuff about not weaning early and how it's bad for their guts etc but I am seriously considering doing it in case it helps to settle him even a little bit. Sometimes I am a bit rough with him, picking him up or putting him down roughly. I leave him screaming longer than I should. I am doing everything wrong. Just feels like everything is falling to bits in our family since he arrived. i wish I just had dd.

willgetflamed i completely understand. DD is 5 mths and is going through very clingy/screamy/wingy phase. I have got an electric swing that helps, as does dummy.
She is bf and has started to feed much more often.
It is hard we have a post natal thread if you want to join it you would be very welcome and sometimes it helps to know your not alone going through this here

Lots of good advice already given. Im really sorry you're having such a crap time....know what you're going through. Have a 4 month old and 2 yr old, live in the middle of nowhere and i dont drive.You can only do your best... talk to your friends, family..i always feel better after a moan,talk 2 your doctor if u feel it will help, stuff the housework. Maybe u could express some milk and have someone take the baby 4 an hour or 2.

I know exactly how u feel. I've been going thru the same thing. Tho i never got to the point where i resented dd2, her mummy magnet days peaked at 5mo. I couldnt put her down for 5 mins and giving her to someone else would set off a screaming match. Very straining as ds1 would get very jealous of time i spent with dd and show this by hitting her. (thats another thread!)
Gradually tho it does get better. I kept taking her out and visiting friends n family so she would get familiar with others. For the first 5 mo i lived on cereal and milo for lunch bcos i couldnt put her down and was so tired to even cook myself a proper meal.

Anyway she's 8mo now and is a very happy baby, always smiling and will play by herself for at least 1/2 hour.

Not sure how im actually helping you but just saying that it does get better and to hang in there. It seems that 5-6 mo is a when they really test to see if u r there for them ...my other mum frens had the same problem! So You are not alone. Get through this phase and it will be better!

Also, get a walker. This has been a lifesaver for me. Once they get used to manoevring themselves they go explring the house on their own while u do other things and they are safe so you dont need to worry and they will be out of your face...well at least for a little while

Good luck and please let us know how you are travelling.

At 5mo he maybe needs a bit more play and interaction, someone else has suggested giving him a bit more 'quality time' with you. When you are feeling so stressed it is difficult to smile and interact with him positively but it's maybe worth a try. When DD is watching TV or at nursery just make time to sit down with him, get him sitting up (or prop him up with cushions if he's not sitting) and sit with him and look at books - make noises to go with the pictures and praise him when he looks at them. Clap your hands, make over-enthusiastic noises and generally make an idiot of yourself He will enjoy it and so will you when you know you've made him smile and laugh. hth

DS is 5 mo too and I think this is a hard time for everyone. I'm generally pretty happy with everything but I still enjoy my little bits of time to myself and get frustrated when I really wanted to get something done but just fail, or accept that its just an impossible dream.

DS doesn't do anything on his own for more than 10 mins, or 20 with me singing to him (constantly!) He doesn't even sleep during the day unless he's on me, in the sling or in the (moving) pushchair.

I think I cope because I:

a) don't care too much about the houseweork - me and DH get enough done between us to keep us moving. You might not manage that though!
b) plan around DS - he's better in the mornings to I try to do stuff then like throwing together a casserole which I can just switch on in the afternoon when I can't put him down
c) try to go somewhere every day - I walk everywhere so DS will always get a nap either in the sling or pushchair, and its not so bad to be holding him all the time when I'm doing something like the shopping or chatting to mums at a baby group. He doesn't feed well when we're out but I try to make up for it in the afternnon by snuggling up in a quiet room with a book or mumsnet and getting 2-3 hours of feeding/sleeping in (he doesn't do this every day)

Also, I find the staff at our babygroups are more than happy to hold babies for 10 mins to give you a break!

the sling is a lifesaver and when DS was even worse we lived on casseroles made from raw things thrown in a dish and cooked in stock in the oven cos I could safely do that!

I also agree that health implications aside, you'll find weaning just one more thing you don't need to do.

I'm sure its normal to feel like this, but I'm sure you can do practical things to make things a bit better, and if nothing helps, please go and see the GP.

Good luck!

Cranial osteopathy might help him if he is a fretty baby.

My eldest was very hard work and I really identifed with your post. He screamed most of the day but did, at least, sleep all night until 5.00. I did not breast feed and he still fed every two hours. I gave him tiny bits of mushed up veg at 3 months. I do remember getting very frustrated with him and also handled him on a couple of occasions if not roughly then not exactly as carefully as I should. I did used to leave him to cry and disappear the only problem being that he was the loudest child in christendom and its just very difficult to ignore. I found early morning radio and crap daytime TV a lifesaver.

Now. He's 13, tall, thin, gorgeous and such a lovely person its untrue. Cranial osteopathy helped him a lot when he was little.

You need to get out of the house for some 'me' time. Even if it is just a half hour walk round the block when hubby has come home.

Can you afford for one day a week for him at a nursery or childminder? or two mornings or two afternoons and then you can spend time with your daughter or just catch up on sleep.

Its really hard but you will get through it and you are doing a terrific job.

All the best.

This sounds so similar to what I experienced with DD2. I would say the one bit of your post that makes me think you have PND is the bit where you say you resent him and wish it was just you and DD1 again. I think that feeling is symptomatic of PND. You feel worn out and depressed and then it affects your ability to bond with your child. You probably are only mildly affected if you think you don't have it so you should be able to treat it with a variety or combination of solutions:

1. Formula feed at times to give yourself some quality sleep/rest.
2. Contact sure start for some help- they will send out a volunteer once a week usually to help look after DS and DD while you can rest/ cook/ tidy up.
3. Ask your husband if he can come home early once a week to do baths and bed while you relax/ have time for something you want to do.
4. Try to put more exercise into your schedule as it really does lighten the mood.
5. Visit G.P. H.V and do a PND checklist- you may need some short term AD's.
6. Ask family and friends to help out now and again to give you some quality time with DD or DS.
7. Don't beat yourself up- it is bloody hard work.
8. If you can afford it pay for an afternoon a week childcare and have some 'me' time.

Eventually it will become easier and then you'll look back and feel really sad because you missed this time as you are feeling too swamped by it all. It will get better this feeling will pass.

Oh, poor you, I empathise completely, my DS was/sort-of-still-is exactly like that and it is just a sodding nightmare, isn't it? I was also feeling like I wish I just had my DD and at times had, quite honestly, regretted having him and had to deal with all the guilt that emotion entailed. BUT, there is finally, at 9 months, a light at the end of the tunnel (albeit a very dim and distant light!) so I'm sure your light is on its way too I would definitely advise against early weaning though - with my DS it made no difference at all (we waited til 6 months with him) and you're just going to give yourself another job to do. Also, food is just another thing for them to wind you up about But it WILL get better - once we hit 6 months the time seemed to fly and, as much as I hate to wish his babyhood away, I know that he'll be better when he's older and each week brings us closer to that. His naps were just the same as your lo but he's recently started going for longer (I did nothing different to get him to do this). On a more practical note, what helped me was an activity station - DS loves sitting/standing in that. And when they're crawling, which wont be that far off for you, they tend to like to go and explore and don't demand as much holding. Hang in there!