Struggling with 8 year old and lack of sleep

[Reachingbreakingpoint80]

Really low point today. Daughter wakes early but it's not ridiculously so - about 5.30/6am.

I'm just finding that unless I go to bed at 9pm every night, I'm shattered and miserable.

DD comes into our bed at some point in the night, and just gets really upset if we try and put her back in hers.
Some mornings it's okay and we have a snuggle, but some she wakes up really angry and demanding. Whatever strategy I try to help her calm her nervous system doesn't seem to work. It seems to be about half the mornings and it's really getting me down.
I burst into tears this morning in front of her. She was really sweet, but then i just felt so guilty.

To add context: we've cut screen time down recentlyish to only bits of TV, no Roblox etc as it was really affecting her mood.
she eats well, and is very spirited and likes going on the trampoline. It's just exhausting without any screens. Realise that makes me sound like a terrible parent.
I do baking and drawing with her,l when I'm not working, which she enjoys. But the mornings are killing me. I just want to sleep. We don't have grandparents for her to go to so we can have just one night of uninterrupted sleep.

What time does she go to sleep?

Oh I have so much sympathy here, my 5yo doesn't go to sleep until 10.30 and the 7yo is up by 7. Both awake in the night and nothing helps. It's musical beds in our house, I don't think we've ever had a full nights sleep with no children in our bed - but also even then it's a rare time that one us isn't up with the other one. One is also very demanding and wakes upset and can't sleep etc.

The exhaustion is miserable isn't it - I keep thinking one day it will get better, but I'm so tired. I've just reduced my hours at work so I can have some down time to try and recover once a week. I hope you find some way to manage until things get better.

Earlyish Bunny, about 7.30-8pm. It was really late a few months ago and we've made a conscious effort to bring it forward to she's getting enough sleep..

Thank you Cake, your understanding really helps.

I've gone down to part time and will occasionally nap when she's at school if I'm not working, but it is hard.

wish I knew why she wakes upset, but then sometimes I wake up sad so maybe that's her version of it..?

You sound utterly exhausted!

At 8 she's old enough to not come and bother you if she wakes up, surely?

I've always been an early riser, but by about 6 or 7 I just read a book until it was time to get up. And it would never have occurred to me to go to my parent's room if I happened to wake up during the night...again, I just picked up a book. Can you encourage her to do likewise? It would be good for her as well as you, by the sounds of it.

Rozen I would love that. And the same - I wouldn't have woken my parents up either.

I've tried to explain about playing with toys/reading when she wakes up, I've said that we need a bit more sleep as we're old! maybe I'm being too soft?

I am exhausted. This might also be related to me just entering peri, but I'm hoping HRT will help though. I had a stressful job last year (I've since changed jobs), I'm not sure I'm completely over the burnout from that so that could be another factor.
i just wish I could bounce out of bed and play with her first thing!

Honestly, I think a firmer approach about her not disturbing you for no valid reason would be beneficial. Perhaps accompany it with some sort of little reward (eg. Small treat if you don't wake me up for a week, slightly larger one for a month etc). Obviously if she's unwell that's different - but I'd be cautious of over emphasizing that in case she cottons on to announcing a tummy ache every morning at 2AM or something...

Thanks, I think you're right. I'm not always great at being firm, so really - I have myself to blame!

My 6 year old wakes by 6am at the very latest and has always been an early riser-- I feel your pain! There's is absolutely no way I am getting up that early though- we leave his breakfast on the lowest shelf in the fridge, and he has access to books, art materials and Lego so he can entertain himself for a while. He usually comes into me at 7am and I get up then. Could you try doing something like that for your daughter and make a big deal about how grown up she is getting her own breakfast etc? We also used to use a gro clock so my son used to know not to wake us before the owl turned yellow, you could try something like that? Good luck!

Thank you Janey! really good ideas. She likes feeling like a big girl, so something like that might work.
Though she seems to feel lonely with no one else awake..
I wonder if I need to do some more work with her to help her to regulate

We have similar age here and she doesn’t get up too early anyway but what has helped is her own clock next to her bed. If she does wake too early she’ll read instead.

Maybe help her with something like that and make it part of her feeling more grown up etc

At this age she should be perfectly capable of waking up and spending an hour or even longer alone. Drawing, reading, watching tv.

With ds, whose sleep was a nightmare, him.waking up upset was actually because he was waking up too early or in the middle of the night. The o ly thing that ever helped with that was helping him to sleep in a stable.way. frankly, we had YEARS of him sleeping in our bed while dh decamped to his bed. But it meant we all got sleep. He would either come to bed with me when I went (hed be still awake when I went upstairs), or he would turn up at some point and dh would leave. This added security allowed him to stay asleep and he would wake up much happier too.

Tedious, but it does end!

We have an early riser and a semi early riser. The early riser is the oldest. Rules we had in place once they could understand/ it was safe.
No out of bed before a certain time 5am for our house. (If they needed us we went to them and lay quietly no talking etc as it was still sleeping/ resting time).
6am onwards they could get up and play in ttheir room read etc... if a weekday then we would be up by 6:30 (we have no screens on school morning which helps) weekends they couldn't go downstairs for TV after 7am without needing us.

Are there additional needs at play?

At 8 I would definitely expect her to get up, dressed, have some breakfast and watch TV without getting you out of bed.

Please do not feel guilty for bursting into to tears. She is old enough to be made aware that other people have emotions and need too. You and DH could alternate who escapes to her room so they get to sleep in.

You could try a mattress on the floor in your room so you aren’t so squished in. I also agree rewarding her to get up very early and do “big girl” things.