Hi, need some advice please.
My boy is 15months. Me and his dad broke up in January. Before this, his dad worked abroad last year to "save for a house" which actually he cleared his loan first so had no benefit to me at all. (That's another story)
He worked 3 weeks on and 1 week off, he came home and stayed with me in my mothers house. I stayed home and minded the baby and found it very tough but did have some help from my mam. He stayed abroad for 6 weeks just before Christmas to clear the loan before coming back home for good.
He has a log cabin out his mothers back, which he told me I should start a little business from, so I did. This was when the baby was ariund 6 months old and my ex worked abroad. Long story short its going well and my mother minds my baby while I work. When he moved home we broke up shortly after and he moved into the cabin, I set up and down my treatment room when I need to - he told me to continue working from there as I had no where else to do it and I insisted I would stop as its his home etc and he said we will work around it, its been fine and actually we had been getting on great.
Until this weekend. The agreement is he takes the baby Saturday after he has a lie on, so around 11, and drops him back at 3pm on the Sunday. After him working abroad last year this break felt amazing, I do my shopping, wash my hair, organise the room, do some cooking for the week, sort clothes etc all in peace. I rarely see friends during this time as I use this time to rest and get ready for the week ahead.
He works until 2pm on Friday, home around 3. He drops baby back at 3pm on sunday.
He gets home from work at 6pm Monday-Thursday. So this is his free time. My free time is the saturday at 11am to Sunday at 3pm. This weekend he has been off Friday-Monday, not back until Tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to bring his niece for a play date to our house then go and get the new car seat, or did he want to do it on Saturday. He said Friday. We spent 2 hours doing this he was home by 4pm.
He had something on this saturday so couldn't take him till 1pm. I dropped him off, (he lives 2 minutes walk away) and I asked what he was going to do on the sunday as its Easter, he said his sister invited them all for dinner i said great. It's also his cousins 1st birthday (today) which there is a 2hour party at the local play centre which my ex said he was taking him to weeks ago.
Anyway, when I dropped him off he called me selfish because he has the baby all weekend. I asked how? You are dropping him back as usual tomorrow at 3pm. And he said but he has to take him to the party on Monday too and he has no free time to himself. It's not fair. Im so selfish and only think about myself apparently.
Anyway, things escalated. On the sunday morning at 8am I had missed calls and a message saying hes bringing the baby home to me. Bare in mind he has him since 1pm the previous day so not even 24hours!
I went around to his cabin before he had a chance to come here as i was going to tell him im not taking the babay until 3pm like we agreed, I walked in, he said hes getting something out of his car and then text me to say he is gone off and he will take the baby on Monday for a full day. I was raging. This was suppose to be my lie on day and my time to rest before getting the baby back. He kept saying he will take him Monday. I told him no it doesn't work like that you can't pick and choose when you take him that the baby needs consistency and stability. He text this morning saying its not fair to punish the child he will come at 11 I said he isn't going. Im standing my ground this time and not letting him manipulate me.
He is now saying this arrangement of when he takes the baby doesn't suit him anymore. Hes demanding he wants a full day to himself like I get a full day to myself. So he wants to take the baby at 11am Saturday and drop him back at 11am Sunday. Im very shocked at him. He has always said he never wants to be one of them dad's that never sees their kids. Hes just not that type.
I know some dads dont ever bother with their kids. And I guess I am "lucky" he even takes him at all. But am I wrong for feeling like he is disrespectful towards me?
He has threatened to bring me to court multiple times, he has told me to get my business out of his cabin, and he surprised me with a car after I had the baby which is on finance and he doesn't let me forget it.
Apparently I am not being fair at all to give him a full day to himself considering he let's me work out of his cabin and pays for my car. Im selfish. I explained how much free time he has. He said he works hard and is tired too. He doesn't look at me minding the baby as full time work. He says I can relax when he goes to bed.
What would you do? Im just lost now as its really do not want to go to court.
I wish I had somewhere else to work from, and I wish I had more in my savings to give him back the car and buy my own (this is all my plan now)
My mam and her new partner are building a log cabin out the back, I was going to see if there is room for a shed/pod where I can work from. I love doing this business and could easily save for a 2nd hand car if I continue this for a few more weeks.
Any advice?
Sorry for the long post and thanks if you read this far.