Help / advice concerning alcoholic partner

[Notsurewhatiamdoinghere]

Not sure what to say, but I'm consumed with worry for my daughter's safety.

To try to summarise a long, tortuous story, my partner and I are separating after 10 years due to her alcohol consumption, gambling addiction and general erratic / unpredictable behaviour.

We are still both living in the family home, which are preparing to put on the market asap.

We have a beautiful daughter, my whole world, who is 8 years old.

Being the Easter holidays, my partner asked to take our daughter away for week on a caravan park.

Not wanting to create tension and knowing that my daughter would enjoy the swimming, cycling, evening discos etc, I reluctantly agreed but added that I expected my partner not to be getting drunk of an evening whilst being solely in charge of our daughter.

Tonight, after texting several times to check everything was OK with no response, my daughter called me on my partner's phone (she doesn't have her own phone) and my partner was nowhere in sight.

My daughter informed me that mummy was in the loo and whilst she was, my daughter was running around outside at gone 10pm with a bunch of older kids that she can only have just met as this is only the 2nd day of their trip.

I insisted to remain on the phone until my partner returned from "the loo" whereupon my daughter pointed the phone at the bar where my partner was buying a drink.

I remained on the phone until my partner returned and asked why my daughter had been left alone...for at least the 15 minutes I had been on the phone and god knows how much longer than that.

My partner was clearly drunk, I can tell instantly after everything we have been through - her face changes, let alone her speech becoming slurred.

I was met with "she's not on her own" and the phone spun around to show the faces of a bunch of kids neither of us know from Adam.

Not wanting to create a scene, I pretended everything was ok, and said goodnight to my daughter.

I texted my partner immediately after the video call to ask that she doesn't leave our daughter alone with older kids and that she is being neglectful by being so drunk.

She responded by sending me a photo of herself at the bar with tongue out, 2 fingers up, you get the idea....and I've not heard anything since (now gone midnight), no text confirming our daughter's asleep and safely in bed, etc. as she would do under normal, sober circumstances.

I have no idea what I can do to keep my daughter safe but all I want to do is to jump in the car and bring my daughter home.

I know there is a law about being drunk in charge of a child under 7 but, she's 8.

I can't really afford solicitors, as I'm currently not working due to stress.

I'm as much looking for others opinions on the situation as anything else because when you live with someone that abuses alcohol so much, you tend to lose sight of what's normal.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening.

I don’t have any advice but really feel for u. If u know where she is can’t u jump in the car and go get your daughter?

If you are able to then i would drive to where they are staying to check out if everything is okay. I am sure it will make your DP furious but you have to put your DDs safety first. If you feel she isn't being cared for adequately, then bring her home.

Thanks for your message.

The reason I am really reluctant to go up there is because it will inevitably cause my daughter distress.

My partner is very manipulative in that she will use my daughter as a shield...I.e. if I do voice a negative opinion, I'm suddenly the angry, controlling, boring, bad guy...it's already causing a rift between my daughter and I...and I get it, from my daughter's perspective mummy is the fun one who let's her do what she wants...she doesn't understand that none of this is normal behaviour. 😞

Hi, thanks for your reply.

As in my reply to the other poster, this would cause my daughter extreme upset. She will not want to leave and will have no understanding of the potential danger she is being placed in.

What can I do? Drag my daughter into the car in tears? My partner would physically stop that in any case, as she is extremely aggressive and violent at times.

The result would be me coming home alone, or worse arrested, and my daughter hating me...and my partner would smile/smirk at me as it happens.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I think you have to balance your daughters physical needs over her emotional ones eg if she is upset fine but if she is at real risk physically such as not being fed, in an unsafe environment I would prioritise that.

Hi, thanks for your reply, which is a useful way to frame it...

Do I think she will be left unfed, no.

Do I think she'll be emotionally damaged by me going there to being her home and the scene it would inevitably cause, yes.

With that said, I should just stop worrying and let them get on with it but the fact remains that letting our daughter run around out of sight with older kids she's just met whilst my partner is drunk to the point that she would not be alert enough or react quickly enough to something happening, is neglectful and unsafe.

I despise these types of holiday venues, where in the evening it seems acceptable for parents to load tables up with alcohol and get blind drunk whilst letting their kids run around seemingly without a care in the world ...perhaps that's my issue/bias...but in my opinion, it's disgusting.

When are they back home?