Anxiety over age gap

[LauM93]

Hi girls.
I suffer with anxiety over situations I cannot control.
I have a beautiful boy who was 2 in January.
We are now trying for another baby. Our first month was Abit stressful and resulted in a negative. So now we move onto month number 2.
My anxiety stems from feeling like a failure as everyone who was pregnant with me the first time round, is now pregnant again and there children will have a smaller age gap, more like 2 years than 3 years.
I know a three year gap is better for us as my husband is always busy with work and home late so dealing with a baby and a child under 3 would be hard work on me, my little boy is very sensitive and I want to enjoy it not hate the time with them both. I just need some mumas to tell me calm down girl!!
I just need to be told I will get pregnant the age gap will be amazing and it will all be ok!. I hope noone thinks I'm being over dramatic or a sob story as truthfully I'm far from it!
Thanks girls xx

Yes you absolutely can relax! There are definitely benefits to having an age gap.
My sister and I were 5 years apart, and my own children are also similar… there is still a lot of love and they can be best friends.
The age gap simply means one always feels older and one is the baby… but there is no jealousy, no competitiveness, no vying for your attention.

Your older child will be much better able to cope with a new baby and be an excited big sibling!
so just relax, it will happen when it’s meant to.
Good luck!

Any age gap can be good. There is nearly 5 years between my two - not by choice - and they get along beautifully most of the time. It is what you make it, same as any age gap. If you go in with the mindset that it will be a joy then chances are it will be

Thank you so much x

There’s 3 years apart for my two, and I think it has been perfect! They’ve actually grown up together, pretty much being able to do the same activities together throughout. Planning days-out where both were occupied and included was always easy.

I’ve no experience on larger age gaps, but 3 years is nothing. Also, mine are only two years apart in school years (one eldest in year, one youngest in year).

So, don’t panic. It’ll happen for you and in plenty of time. Try not to compare yourself to others.

You will get pregnant, the age gap will be fine, and everything is going to be okay.

Calm down it's been literally a month. I say this as someone who was told they'd need ivf for a second child after 18 months (we didn't thankfully in the end).
You've listed loads of benefits of a three year age gap (which is really nothing). We have an almost 4 year age gap and it's great. I've met loads of people with similar. I don't get why people fixate on two year gaps tbh.

Oh man, 2-3 years is personally not an age gap I’d be aiming for. We have 5 years between ours, very carefully planned that way and we had such an easier time compared to friends with smaller age gaps, not to mention more financial security and better career progression. Realistically, you will almost certainly get pregnant in the first 6 months or so of trying and 2 or 3 years is all just about the same in terms of developmental stage - but the longer you can stretch it, the easier it will be!

I know the 2 year age gap is the done thing, especially because we're having babies so late in life now, but you could not pay me to do it. It's absolutely brutal on the mum. Your body doesn't get to recover. The 2 year old still needs a lot of attention. No one is sleeping.

I think 3 or 4 is a far better age gap.

Whether or not they'll be close / friends depends on personality a lot more than just age. My dad and his youngest brother by 9 years are extremely close! My parents have chosen to move countries and retire to my dad's brother's country where he emigrated years ago because they're so close!

There’s 3 years between my two, currently 5 and 2. They’re adorable together and the best of friends. Try not to stress OP, it’s still not a big age gap.

2 year gap is the worst, seen so many issues with a small gap like this. Don't stress OP.

I had 2.5 years and it was awful - wish I’d waited and gone 3-4 (closer to 4). It was so tough on DC1 and correspondingly tough on me! With a 3-4 year gap they’d still be close and interesting in the same things once the youngest gets to about 3-4.

Im pregnant again and the kids are 5 and 7 - partly because the early years were so hard with them that it put us off going for another for ages! I’m now worried that this gap is too big!