Help!!
So my son is 12 now and we have had alot of issues over the years but we currently have a family practitioner (lowest level of social worker) and she seems to come over and repeat herself everytime but nothing is going in. My son is getting detentions everyday at school (we are due to have a meeting with them soon). He also treats the house like a hotel and won't do anything to help out even when offered pocket money. He speaks to me like crap and will gaslight me regularly and argues with my partner (not bio dad). He also ignores rules such as come back after x hours when you go out.
We are at the end of our tethers. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and was really kinda looking forward to making a big thing out of my son's birthday. As above it's his 13th and also his last birthday in this house as a single child. I will be 34/35 weeks on his birthday and was looking forward to getting his room decorated, having a BBQ with 3 other kids staying over (2 of which being cousins) and some presents including him getting his PS5 back which he has had taken away until he can have 5 days without detentions.
My partner has said if he doesn't improve he's just going to get £20 in a card and that's it. Nothing else. Obviously this isn't quite how it will be but I wonder if we should be celebrating as my son is currently stating "there's no point" and "I'm not doing it" when we talk about putting changes in place. Yet when he gets punished he yells and screams he "hates living here" and has even called me "a shit parent".
I just don't know what to do. My mother's instinct is dying to do something for his birthday but I don'want to want to reward bad behaviour but I'm also terrified of triggering myself into PND. His behaviour already depresses me on a daily basis!!
When he found out me and my partner were trying for a baby he literally said he would make a change when we find out I'm pregnant. Now he's saying he'll calm down when the baby is born. He's good as gold everywhere else he goes just me and my partner always get the worse end of the deal and the thing is we're the ones who have always been there for him.