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Original poster

Stepson and surprise trip for husband

20 replies

OneTealDreamer · 04/04/2026 10:17

Hello, I've been with my husband for 5 years, we have one child together 1, and he has a son from a previous relationship 15. Before the baby we have never been abroad the 3 of us due to finances and covid. This summer is a big birthday for my husband and I want to book a surprise trip for him I've saved up for. Our 1 year old will be coming but I can't work out the best way to approach asking my SS. I don't want the surprise to be ruined for my husband but I'm also not sure if our SS will want to come given his age and the fact we'd all share a room. For context the reason I'm worried to tell him before is when we told him about something similar a few months ago he slipped up (not his fault. Just kids being kids) Any tips and would you expect a child in his situation to want to come ?

OP posts:
Starfish1021 · 04/04/2026 10:20

Is there any way you could book a joining rooms? Given the situation I think you have to ask your SS and risk him letting slip. It's still a wonderful thing to do, and as a parent you don't mind if your kids slip up (or I don't that's just life).

Favouritefruits · 04/04/2026 10:20

Of course he will want come! They don’t like family days out but at that age anything to do with food or abroad holidays is a definite yes! He’s 15 so I’m sure you can ask him and tell him not to tell his dad!

Waftaround · 04/04/2026 10:24

I think you need to ask him but assume he’ll want to. All in the same room sounds like a nightmare though.

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hahabahbag · 04/04/2026 10:26

Do you share custody? If so assuming you are on decent terms with his mum you could check if theoretically it was ok and if will have a valid passport if it was abroad. If she says all good and passport valid more than the required length, (get the details from her,) ask him if he would like to join you, date, the sleeping arrangements etc. he may not want to, you could also suggest a family meal as an alternative if he would prefer. He’ll appreciate being asked (just don’t give details at this stage and say it’s theoretical)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/04/2026 11:13

hahabahbag · 04/04/2026 10:26

Do you share custody? If so assuming you are on decent terms with his mum you could check if theoretically it was ok and if will have a valid passport if it was abroad. If she says all good and passport valid more than the required length, (get the details from her,) ask him if he would like to join you, date, the sleeping arrangements etc. he may not want to, you could also suggest a family meal as an alternative if he would prefer. He’ll appreciate being asked (just don’t give details at this stage and say it’s theoretical)

I agree, for a nice surprise, go via his mum. As a mum I’d give an honest view on if the child would like it or not.
well done you for including him!
if you haven’t booked yet there are lots of family hotels that have adjoining rooms for kids if you can afford

MightyFlow · 04/04/2026 11:24

On a slight tangent, part of the enjoyment of a holiday or other big event is the anticipation in the lead up to it. If it's organised as a surprise, the organiser gets the anticipatory enjoyment but the recipient doesn't. So maybe don't leave it too long before telling your DH? You could surprise him with the information that this is your plan and you've saved up for it, then it will be out in the open before inviting your step son and making the booking.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/04/2026 12:37

MightyFlow · 04/04/2026 11:24

On a slight tangent, part of the enjoyment of a holiday or other big event is the anticipation in the lead up to it. If it's organised as a surprise, the organiser gets the anticipatory enjoyment but the recipient doesn't. So maybe don't leave it too long before telling your DH? You could surprise him with the information that this is your plan and you've saved up for it, then it will be out in the open before inviting your step son and making the booking.

I agree with that. You could keep exact location w surprise for stepson too but tell him enough to help him decide eg a city break somewhere cold or a pool trip somewhere hot etc

Emmz1510 · 05/04/2026 13:14

Surely whether he chooses to go or not you still have to ask him? And whether he goes or not he could still slip up. It’s a risk you’ll have to take but I’m sure a 15 year old kid can be trusted with a secret? Particularly If you get him all excited about the reveal and how thrilled his dad will be. And if he does slip up, no massive harm done, you’ll all have a laugh about it and still get a nice trip.

Snorlaxo · 05/04/2026 13:19

Even if you were pretty certain that SS would say no, you need to ask him so that your assumption doesn’t ruin the surprise.

Whether or not he says yes depends on what you’re planning and when. If he’s in year 11 (15 year olds can be in year 11) then he might have plans with friends post exams or his mum might prefer him not to travel during exams. Can you ask her what she thinks?

Letty186 · 05/04/2026 13:34

Favouritefruits · 04/04/2026 10:20

Of course he will want come! They don’t like family days out but at that age anything to do with food or abroad holidays is a definite yes! He’s 15 so I’m sure you can ask him and tell him not to tell his dad!

Not always, my SS never wanted to come - he did two holidays with us (he’s 27 now)

Either ask his mum or ask him direct and stress the secrecy element and hope 🤞🏼

StandingDeskDisco · 05/04/2026 14:25

Surprises are crap. Vastly over-rated. They are mostly for the pleasure of the giver, not the receiver.
We have the false idea they are great mostly from TV shows, because surprises make good TV.

Just tell DH, let him enjoy the planning and have an equal say in choosing the destination, accommodation, and activities.
And definitely get two adjoining rooms.

ZenNudist · 05/04/2026 14:29

There's no way I'd share with m.y 15yo. I'd get a self catered apartment. Or get adjoining hotel rooms and you share with young dc and dad share with dss.

I'd plan for him to come and speak to his mum about it being a surprise.

Whatthefork1 · 06/04/2026 07:57

I would say he would want to come along but wouldn’t want to share a room, so if you really value him coming along too then you need to book two rooms. You can get adjoining rooms!

just put it out there and say “we want to go on holiday abroad the 4 of us, is that something you would like to do?” And see what he says.

pruningmybush · 06/04/2026 08:32

I don't think a suprise holiday is a great idea anyway so tell your husband first

Also, you absolutely have to take your step son and you need to make sure it is a suitable holiday for him (so, not all in one room).

It's utterly shit to get together with a man who already has a child and not factor then fully into your life

GloriaHeeler · 06/04/2026 08:54

I’d definitely assume that he’s coming and work things out from there. Step one needs to be has he got a passport because if he hasn’t you need to get on to that relatively quickly.

I think you are making this a lot harder than it needs to be by making it a surprise because to me, the priority needs to be facilitating that both of his children can go.

Wicked123 · 06/04/2026 09:50

StandingDeskDisco · 05/04/2026 14:25

Surprises are crap. Vastly over-rated. They are mostly for the pleasure of the giver, not the receiver.
We have the false idea they are great mostly from TV shows, because surprises make good TV.

Just tell DH, let him enjoy the planning and have an equal say in choosing the destination, accommodation, and activities.
And definitely get two adjoining rooms.

Completely disagree. I surprised my husband and daughter with a holiday in February, told them 2 days before we left and they absolutely loved the surprise, said it felt totally surreal and just amazing.

Original poster
OneTealDreamer · 12/04/2026 18:43

Unfortunately adjourning rooms are out of my budget on my own. But the family room is big so should be ok. He does have a passport so all good with that. I've asked him and I'm gutted he doesn't want to come but that's ok. I've told him he's got a 2 more weeks to decide for certain before I need to confirm so I'm hopeful he will change his mind. I wish I could afford 2 rooms but unfortunately my budget doesn't go that far.

OP posts:
MrsKateColumbo · 12/04/2026 18:54

Ah maybe he will change his mind when he's had a few days to think. If he does want to come remind him to check his passport validity dates!

Original poster
OneTealDreamer · 12/04/2026 19:05

Thank you ! Passport all checked and ready if he changes his mind !

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTealDreamer · 12/04/2026 19:09

pruningmybush · 06/04/2026 08:32

I don't think a suprise holiday is a great idea anyway so tell your husband first

Also, you absolutely have to take your step son and you need to make sure it is a suitable holiday for him (so, not all in one room).

It's utterly shit to get together with a man who already has a child and not factor then fully into your life

No idea where you got in not factoring him in from. The whole post is about the best way to factor him in 😂🤔

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