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Parenting

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Angry, volatile child. Feel like an absolute failure and desperate for help.

1 reply

dudofamother · 01/04/2026 09:58

I really struggle with my 6.5 year old. To be honest he’s never been easy, he’s always been angry and volatile. He has struggled at times in nursery and school. He used to hurt himself as a young toddler, very angry, very sad, unable to handle big feelings, very sensitive etc. He has calmer periods but it’s never fully gone away, he just seems so angry and upset a lot of the time especially lately. It makes me sad to see, and I don’t know how to help him. I ask him why he’s upset or angry and it’s always because you made me, or so and so made him angry. His language has gotten worse, he’s learnt some unsavoury phrases from some kids at after school club which I have raised with the school but he knows them now and it’s becoming an issue. He’s just angry, and volatile and explosive and rude and honestly, nasty, a lot of the time. You can’t get through to him when he’s gone, either, once that switch flips there’s nothing that stops him. He doesn’t even want a hug anymore ever, let alone when he’s upset. It feels like all I do is negotiate with him or tell him off, I don’t even feel like we have a bond anymore, he’s just not open to it. I spoke to his dad (we aren’t together) he blames it all on the divorce, but he’s been like this for as long as I can remember, and it’s been two years since the split. He says we’ve failed him as parents, but our younger child is the sweetest, happiest, most polite child. If this was all our fault and we’re just shit parents wouldn’t they have turned out that way too? I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether I need to involve team around the family, or something else. We’ve been called into school loads in the last few months, because he is angry and rude and volatile there too. They’re aware, they put a MARF in but social services agreed with me we aren’t at the stage of needing that level of involvement, but we need something

OP posts:
Portsmouthinthespring · 01/04/2026 18:03

You're not a failure. My youngest is like this and has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, we have learnt some strategies that help but it's still a struggle. Try reading The Explosive Child. We have to take a totally different approach to parenting our younger child than we do the older one and it is not easy! I can also sympathise with the swearing, the stuff that comes out of his mouth is just awful. He uses it as a form of release but it makes me cringe every time. Luckily only at home so far...

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