How do working parents cope with a toddler still waking at night?

[SendCoffee55538]

I don't know what I want from this post. I'm so so tired. My 19 month old still wakes once a night. He wakes screaming around 12, just as I'm in a really deep sleep, and then for the rest of the night I'm in a very light sleep, constantly waking. He also wakes again around 3/4 am although it's just a scream and goes back to sleep by himself. I wear ear plugs and DH actually handles all night wakings but there is no way to NOT hear him, it's not a massive place we live in.

I know waking once a night is better than some but my God I'm tired. I have nothing left to give. Add all the nursery bugs to this, and at various points this winter I actually felt like I'm going to die.

I'm fat, my skin looks awful, I still have pains
from pregnancy I need to see physio about. I drink too much coffee and eat too much sugar to cope.

I just need some sleep. Some actual unbroken sleep for a few days. We've had stints of him sleeping through the night and it was amazing. Very short lived though.

I can't even check in to a stupid hotel as I sleep very badly the first night in a new place anyway!! I'm just not one of those people that sleep anytime, anywhere, through anything.

I work full time and I just don't know how all the other parents around me cope. How do you cope????

I used to spend two nights a week at my mum’s house just so I could have two uninterrupted nights sleep a week. It was heavenly.

Do you have anything similar you could do?

Not helpful but you just have to. It is really hard because you still have to work/function. Could you go to bed early? Bring LO into your bed? I would get ready meals/bulk cook

It won’t actually kill you but it feels like it might. It’s a tough old stage.

One of mine used to wake up to 3 times a night, would always come to me even though I was the one with a job and DH was SAHP. Went on for years, it was bloody awful.

Have a big nap at the weekend and try to go to bed early - it’s not you being a wimp it’s HARD

If you are going to bend at 9:30, up at 6:30 and get woken twice but it's your husband who deals with it not you, then you shouldn't be feeling this awful I don't think.

I don't know how I stayed sane tbh. I was up dealing with bf, mummy obsessive baby/toddler 10+ times a night whilst working and looking after a toddler. Even now, due to chronic sleep issues and health stuff with them, my youngest (7) wakes up most nights, sometimes several times. The eldest doesn't sleep until 11pm and then sometimes still wakes. I usually sleep 1-6am ISH, and although I'm knackered I'm finally getting enough sleep to think about hobbies and socialising, for the first time in years.

Not sure i would of managed full time. Dd2 had chronic ear infections and sleep was non existent

The same way you cope with working during menopause I guess .. you are fucking tired

I feel your pain. I've been back to work since jan and my little one still wakes every single hour most nights 🙃. She is bf and will not settle at night for her dad at all it's not even worth it so all on me. I don't actually know how I survive apart from only doing 3 days at the moment. I try to go to bed at 9pm some nights I'd go earlier but she won't settle until then! But I feel the same I feel like I look awful and just gaining weight heading for snacks and sugar all the time currently just riding it out and hoping... so any tips would be great!

Sounds like pain is keeping you awake? If the pain wasn’t there would you get back to sleep quicker? Just wondering if the GP can give you something for the pain?

If you want honest advice ? Ours slept with us till he was about 3 and a bit. He co slept with us from 9 months because he just didn’t sleep. Not only did it take us hours to get him to sleep he didn’t remain sleep unless he was in our bed. So if you can safely co sleep it might be the solution.

We do what the majority rest of the world do - bed share.

What kind of screaming - would you say it's night terrors? My DS had those and we woke him up before the usual screaming time, offered him water and a cuddle. He cried a bit, was awake for about 10 minutes and then went back to sleep. This seemed to have cured him.

However if he's on pain or teething etc then just give him calprofen?

I can count the number of full nights sleep I’ve had in the last 7 years on one hand. Honestly I’m not joking. 3DC who have all been awful sleepers until they’re around 3.5 but by then I’d always had the next one. Youngest is 2 now and still wakes a minimum of 3 times a night. Sometimes up to 10.

Today I’ve been up since 4am having got to sleep around 11pm last night and being woken maybe 5 or 6 times. Youngest has just gone to sleep but eldest is still awake. Going to let DH deal with her and I’ll go to bed. I’ve been at work all day, made dinner and done kids swimming lessons this evening, then bedtime etc. I’m so tired I look awful but think my body has adapted to it now to a certain extent.

Huge amounts of coffee

I remember another parent said to me find someone who understands and wait until you can go home.

Going to sleep at the same time as toddler and doing any jobs like tidying up when he’s awake or in the morning

I cosleep now and this helps

My son is autistic and has chronic insomnia so I have had 7 years of bad sleep. The things that help me probably aren’t what you are hoping to hear.

early bedtime. Very little “leisure” time in evening
no coffee at all
low sugar
prioritise nutritional food
electrolytes and lots of water
lowering stress and mindful breathing
yoga

without this I would be a zombie. With this approach to life I manage (usually) to run a successful business, be a carer and function in life …. Mostly!

I’ve had 3 babies. DC1 was an awful sleeper. Woke every 40 mins to 1 hour. He did the screaming thing you mention and he’s 5 now and still does it twice and month.

my only advice would be to go to bed at 8pm when toddler does.

So he sleeps through when he’s well, so this is relatively temporary? I’d be getting to bed as early as possible and reminding myself that it’s temporary and only two wake ups.

Id try and focus on your mindset a little, lots of fresh and healthy food, get out for a swim in the evenings if your dh is home and book in for physio.

You have to prioritise your health, no one else will. If you can find a good private physio and hydrotherapy option you could do that twice a month. Also reduce the coffee and sugar, it won’t be making you feel any better.

I have severe hypermobility and a whole host of health issues and if I don’t go to physio and keep my weight down it makes everything worse. Sleep will be worse due to it and your mental health.

We are coming in to better weather and longer days, getting out after work and getting into a routine of things that bring you joy will help.

Hmm not sure why my post is hidden