Nursery expecting too much of a 2 year old?

[Pinkstuffs]

My DS is 22 months, so isn’t even 2 for a few weeks yet. He’s started to spend time in the next room up in nursery. Whenever I pick him up, the room lead always tells me that he doesn’t listen and that they have to keep reminding him to listen to adults. She has now told me this about 6 times in the past couple of weeks.

Isn't this just normal behaviour for a toddler? He gets quite excitable when he’s in a group like when he’s with his friends at nursery, but overall he’s not out of control. He recognises his name and he can follow simple instructions but he doesn’t have a lot of impulse control which I thought was normal for his age.

Are they expecting too much or should I be worried about him? The oldest children in his room are 3 so I imagine there is quite a gap in their comprehension and behaviour vs his.

The fact that nursery staff want the children to behave in a particular way does not mean it’s developmentally appropriate - it’s just more convenient for them because they’re wrangling large numbers of very small children. The OP’s child is 1 year old, essentially a large baby - the idea that he should be sitting quietly listening to instructions is way off the mark.

With all respect, you may not have witnessed problematic behaviour by a young toddler in a nursery setting and therefore you may well be talking through your hat.

A child who continuously runs off, climbs on tables, pulls out bins of toys and tips them out on the floor, grabs items other children are playing with, grabs other children's food or drinks, does not engage with toys or with songs or clapping games or dancing, tries to get up and run around with food or drinks (etc) to the point where nursery workers are talking to the parent about it is a child who is presenting a real problem in a classroom setting.

If it has got to that point, the staff have found that this toddler requires one staff member's attention 100% of the time to keep this one child and the environment safe (child safe from injuring himself, environment not strewn with trip hazards, chaotic, or physically/ emotionally unsafe for the rest of the room occupants). A disruptive toddler will reduce the availability of staff for the rest of the children, and that is a problem. A disruptive toddler will also cause others to react to his presence and behaviour with tension and possibly even by pushing him away, hitting, shouting. None of this is OK but it is predictable and given the nature of toddlers it is understandable. It requires intervention by the staff, who may end up spending their days refereeing, soothing toddlers whose tower of blocks was knocked repeatedly, whose food was taken, etc.

In addition, thanks to the massive amount of extra work a disruptive toddler generates, and due to the fact that disruption that leads to a comment to a parent can be continuous, staff do not have the time to list or document all the behaviours. A toddler who cruises around a room leaving havoc in his wake and is not responsive to redirection or correction leaves everyone frazzled. Staff will try everything in their box of tricks before approaching parents.

In short, it is not fair on staff to cast aspersions on them for approaching the parents with this complaint. They don't just have it in for this child.

Any sentence that starts with all respect
Is usually incredibly disrespectful

This is not a matter of 'convenience', @AppropriateAdult

Nursery staff to children ratios are seriously disrupted when one child requires constant hands on attention for safety reasons or for reasons to do with the emotional regulation of the other children.

The staff will have seen lots of children of similar age and will be able to compare adjustment to the toddler room, ability to redirect, and level of chaos caused.

If they have mentioned a problem, there is very likely a problem.

Well quite.

I hope you read more than the first sentence all the same.

In case you didn't, it is not respectful at all to surmise that the staff are being less than professional regarding this child. They have approached the parent and the parent needs to listen.

Personal find it bizarre a child wouldn't know how to sit, respond, listen and eat properly by age 2 unless they have medical issues or not being taught at home as a parent should. We have all ages between 16 to twins of 2 and they all knew these before starting nursery but it takes time and effort

The fact that they have spoken to you frequently definitely means that your child is displaying behaviours that are not typical or similar to the hundreds of other children they will have worked with.
Assuming of course that the practitioners at the nursery are experienced and qualified. listen to them. Ask them specifically what you can help with. It’s your child’s development that will be impacted by not supporting him now with skills that he will need.