Eldest was bullying his younger brother at holiday club, how should I handle it?

[Trailblaze]

I’m v upset so please be gentle.

I picked them both up from holiday club today and my 5 year old son was very sad and said it was his worst day ever as his brother had been mean to him all day. Turns out my 8 year old son had been throwing frisbees at him and encouraging his friends to do it too. Playing tig and making my youngest “it” constantly. Goading my youngest to punch and kick them.

I’m sure it’s because my eldest is trying to impress his friend who he’s not seen for over a year who was at holiday club. He has a mean streak as well. He won’t say why he did it and just shrugs. I sent him to his room and have taken away all screen time. I’ve explained what he’s done was bullying and it’s cruel.

How can he bully his younger brother who is so kind to him and they okay so nice at home? Should I try and get help and if so where from?

With regard to sharing we have had a few instances of dd1 not sharing and I usually magic up something better for dd2 (and tell her not to share them!). Nothing teaches you to share your haribo like a pack of skittles 😅

That is truly a 9 yr old's response! It's a kind of deflection.
But I would be very much on the case at the holiday club. Does the little one have any bruises to show for this ill treatment?

I wonder if your eldest is jealous of the younger one. Mine was and the more the eldest would get in trouble the more goody two shoes the younger would be. My eldest was my DD nearly 3 years apart and when dc2 started school she kept pushing him over in the playground. She didn't want him there, school was her thing. The teachers were quite shocked as most big sisters wanted to look after their little brothers. DD was always more difficult as a child and ds rarely did anything wrong. Much later we realised she was a bit ND.

Yes he might be. My youngest is very naturally kind and caring and we always praise this. We do when my eldest is but it’s very infrequent. I try to catch anything positive he does and praise it though so he still feels loved.

We do think he’s neurodivergenct too but school have no concerns.

This is great advice and I’m going to stock up for this event! It’s horrible to witness my youngest crying because his brother won’t share and I think to say “well you don’t share with him next time” but he always shares and takes pride in being kind so I don’t really want to teach him that!

Another one to say have a spare treat on hand for the youngest, we used individual celebrations. They are pretty small and chocolate based so each time the older one didn't share back, the youngest got a celebration. Didn't take long for the older one to start sharing.

Your older one is a similar age to mine. 9yos are tough cookies with lots of maturing but struggling to understand their place in the world. They think they're mini adults and it's HARD to parent them. Sympathies.

Does your oldest know that he is in a holiday club so you can go to work and if you can’t go to work you can’t pay the bills? His contribution to that is not disrupting the holiday club and getting on with his brother so you can work.

Your user name describes you perfectly.
Good parents would make other arrangements.

If it makes you feel better, my brother was a royal shit to me but we are close as adults.

I think you'll be correct in that he wants to impress a friend and is acting like an arse. Who knows whether this new friend is egging him on. Anyway he's been told off, see what happens now.

Blimey that is rude. Post above summer fever edited to add.

I assume you are referring to me being a prog rock masterpiece.

What other arrangements if there are no other options?

No skin in this game as children now adults and was a only child myself, but I cannot believe how quickly MN descends into rude comments and lack of kindness in posts which are merely asking for a bit of advice. I think I can now see who were bullies as children and have still got the tendency.