What’s it like to be an only child? Unsure on pregnancy and worried about my child future

[Purplerainblue]

Hi

I’m early pregnant and i was so set on keeping the baby and just finding a new normal with my eldest child but in the last 24 hours ive had this feeling in my gut that I can’t continue with it and that I need to do the right thing for me and my present child

however all I’ve done since this is cry. Im
worried my child will be lonely with no siblings I'm worried that her kids will go without when she comes to have them as they’ll have no aunts or uncles. I’m 30 but who’s to say I’ll meet someone else and have th chance to have a child what if I meet someone tha doesn’t want any or has had his already and doesn’t want more. I also don’t want to be pushing 40 and going through it again but I’m so scared for my child’s future without extended family as it stops at me.

I’ve got a sister and a brother and I love them
My sisters got two kids who will have each other my child has those as cousins but they aren’t the same as siblings. I’m so broken with no one to talk to.

If you have no extended family surely that's more of a reason to have siblings? Then your child will always have family members beyond you.

I had my children unexpectedly close together, they are best friends, and having two children made me a better mother.

That's my experience, but if course I'm not in your shoes and don't know the full details.

I have 3 siblings 2 sisters and a brother

my sister has two children
my other sister has two children
my brothers only 19

so my child has 4 cousins at present from my side

and also has like 3 other cousins but from dads side but doesn’t see them even now so it’s not going to change my child is 4 they are 6 years older ish. They have no relationship dads side of the family they don’t go and do fun things together no dinners together no visits to each others houses no nothing so they are all practically only children so I don’t think dad even sees my point

I love having my sister I really do.

I’ve told my sister and my mum and all I’ve got is “ this is the pressure me and mum didn’t want” while talking to my little sister about this today because she said everyone has their own little families and their own stress they don’t need to be dealing with everyone else’s which she meant mine.

it’s the same dad and he is dreadful he just is Disney dad essentially but that didn’t bother me cause I’d of had two children and they’d of had each other and me. I keep crying while I’m trying to do the normal routine and my child keeps saying “ you crying again and looking like come on mummy stop now” 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

I think you’re panicking and not being very rational. Understandably but I’m not sure at 30 you need to be worrying about what you’ll do when you’re pushing 40. Just think about now, do you want another dc.
why do you think not having it is right by your current dc, this is probably extremely relevant to the advice.
im sorry the dad isn’t great and your family sound wholly unsupportive and unkind too, do you have any other support?

dh is an only child, he wishes he had siblings and that our dc had cousins. I have siblings, we’re not very close and they are unlikely to have dc so my dc won’t have cousins on my side anyway. It can go either way really so I think you’re better off just deciding if you want a child or not.

I have 2 siblings that I might speak with once every 5 years. My DS is an only child and has no cousins.

I honestly don’t give it a second thought. We have built up an amazing group of family friends for him that will serve him well through life.

I see others with huge families and often think they’re stifled in what they can do. There are endless family get togethers, holidays etc. it’s a very limited existence in my experience. I much prefer to choose who we spend time with as a family rather than feeling obliged to stick with extended family all the time.

What do you think this ‘gut feeling’ that you can’t continue the pregnancy stems from? I think if you can unpick why you’re feeling this way it will be helpful for you in deciding whether or not to keep the pregnancy. Perhaps book a call with bpas and ask to speak to a counsellor or midwifery team. If you’re early days you don’t need to rush into a decision.

I contacted bpas a couple of hours ago who have booked a counselling session in for me.

Im supposed to be moving out of where I am soon.

myself and my daughter have only been on one abroad holiday last year and I want to do more of that but I have to wait to go with family as their dad doesn’t travel.

we don’t live as a family so it would all be on me I mean it always was when we did live together so that kind of at the beginning didn’t seem such a bad thing I’ve already done it once and I fear that my eldest would struggle with it.

i overall don’t think I have a good enough life for the child that I’ve got so I fear adding one more isn’t going to help although it’s all I want. My mum told me she thought I’d do more for myself this year.

its genuinely all I want but everywhere I’ve gone everyone’s told me how much my life is better now and why’d I add one more

Do you want to be a parent to your baby? That’s really the only thing that matters.

I was an only child and I thought it was great, but my parents were a hot mess and could only just about cope with having me. As an adult, I’m NC with my whole family.

Children will not care one way or another if they have siblings. I have 2 and my eldest regularly asks me to have a third, because she’d really like a sibling…just not this one! She finds her brother annoying, so would like a different sibling instead.

The decision is purely about you and your baby. Do you want to be a mum to this baby? That’s the only thing that matters.

I'm not sure if it's helpful, but my DD (now 14) is an only and has never wanted siblings. She is very adamant, even now when I occasionally tease her that I'll have another