DD refusing to sleep in bedroom

[LemonadeCake]

Please no judgement

My autistic child won’t sleep upstairs, how can I get her to sleep upstairs as I feel really uncomfortable with her sleeping downstairs at night. She sleeps on the sofa and has done for months now she refuses to sleep in her bedroom. Anyone had this before? She says it’s due to me coughing in the night sometimes but I can’t help this. (No suggestions of me sleeping on the sofa instead) I don’t want anyone sleeping on the sofa when theres perfectly good rooms upstairs.

I'd pick my battles and let this go.

What is your concern with her sleeping downstairs? I'd try and rectify that rather than trying to move her.

We live in a rough area and I don’t feel safe with her sleeping downstairs, we had our door kicked in at 2am by a stranger the other day i just don’t want her sleeping downstairs

I know I'm an adult I'm also autistic and I've slept downstairs since I was maybe 10 and now even married with my own kids I still mostly sleep downstairs...every little cough, every little snort I hear it or turning over in beds drives me nuts, our senses are so fine tuned to some sounds it can literally drive you nuts. Fortunately my parents figured it out long before I was diagnosed and very kindly got a comfy sofa which I happily slept on until I left home at 20. Used to just tuck my duvet and pillows behind it in the morning.
Now at 44 I still do this and have my own comfy sofa meaning I get an undisturbed night of sleep unless one of the little ones is ill. Also my dh was made well aware of my quirks long before we married so all good 😊

Tbf it’s probably much much nosier downstairs like I said rough area, maybe I’d feel better if we lived in a safer area but I feel uncomfortable because of the area we live in I don’t like her being downstairs alone

How old is she?

14

I think I would just leave this too. At 14 it’s going to be very difficult to do anything else. Are you arguing about it every night. I’d probably leave it for a while and then revisit it with a suggestion of trying earplugs for one night and seeing how it goes for her.

Nope haven’t argued at all not sure where it that? It’s been months. I’d just prefer it if she slept upstairs for reasons that I’ve mentioned. No arguing.

Do you think you really are disturbing her?

Could you offer things like white noise speakers and loop earplugs and other noise cancelling solutions and ask her to try those out? If it's noise disturbance thats the issue then these might be good for lots of different things or if she needs some quiet time.
I too was a sofa sleeper in my youth, the only way I can explain it was that my bedroom felt too "alone" and the living room felt communal, there was a sense that anyone I loved could be in there with me and I don't know that felt a bit safer.
If it does go on longer term for her, would there be things you could put in place to make it safer like extra locks or alarms?
Best of luck - can see how this is a worry!

She’s not downstairs during the day so I’m not sure it’s that, she spends the day in my bedroom and only comes down occasionally for food. When I go to bed she goes downstairs

It sounds like she is most comfortable upstairs. That does make it seem that your coughing is disturbing her you might need to address that to help her to sleep in her room. I have a dd with autism, and if her environment isn’t just right she really struggles to sleep.

Get a white noise machine for her room. Also a light projector for her ceiling. It helps my dd fall asleep.

this is controversial, but we also let our dd have a tv in her room. She goes months without using it. We know this with 100% certainty because of how my very nerdy husband runs tv in our house. We have content control and a usage log. She shockingly does not abuse the privilege. She gets anxiety at night and sometimes she needs the distraction.

Could you go to sleep in her room and see if she stays your room?

Unfortunately not as she has a single bed (box room) and im co sleeping with my younger child

thank you, I will try the tv suggestion and some white noise