Ex partner

[confusedandwingingit]

Myself an ex been apart for 8 years. Eldest daughter is 14 - doesnt see him
Youngest daughter is 10 - slowly starting to reduce time spent with him on her own accord.

She goes to get dads every other weekend, hasnt slept for a while as she has chosen not to, now whenever she goes shes messaging me to pick her up as she doesnt want to be there anymore. She said hes being mean. Telling her off because she didnt sleep the last time she went, telling her they don't see each other enough.
When she goes round, he sits downstairs on his phone, shes upstairs alone, and calling me & facetiming me telling me shes bored and wants to come home.

He had ample opportunity to see her extra, I always offer for him to see her in the week after school, hes never once actioned it. Hes vile to me (I don't care) but the kids are picking up on that.

I absolutely hate the fact eldest doesnt have a relationship with him. Hes not asked me how she is in over 2 years.

Not even sure what the point of this post is just wondered if anyone else were in similar situations! And what helped? Did the child stop altogether?

Been separated from my ex just over 11 years now. He's always been rubbish. Eldest is 15. Little one is 12. Last year was particularly bad on his part. One spell of 10 weeks with no contact, minimal contact in the following 3 weeks, followed by another 7 weeks with no contact. Missed an important event they wanted him at. There time with him just dwindled then they actively didn't want to go. Last saw him 6 months ago. Last heard from him a month ago. He didn't give them any Christmas presents.

I just listen to their feelings and reassure them that his lack of interest is nothing to do with them and everything to do with him. That they are lovable and loved and it's his loss because they are wonderful young people and I'm so proud of everything they've achieved.

And I apologise that I had no idea when I chose him as their father that he would turn out like this.

Sorry you're going through it too.

Its so hard isnt it. I did it with my eldest, forced her to go & it caused sooo much damage, not only that, it took her a long time to trust me again in different situations 💔

Im not prepared to do it again with the youngest, the ex "happy" at the detriment to mine and my daughters relationship.

People say 'they need to have a relationship with their dad' 'you should make them go" it breaks my heart they feel the way about their dad it truly does, but im learning to deal that that isnt my fault, nor is that on me. Its taken me a long time!

All she get back from him when she says how she feels is "its not fair you dont see me" "I'm your dad" "I take you shopping all the time"

Shes ten and said "hell punish me for not sleeping over next time I go by not speaking to me 💔"

Awful x