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2 under 2 & struggling with toddler jealous after newborn arrival, will it improve?

3 replies

Honeyx1 · 27/03/2026 11:47

My toddler is 20 months. When I became a mummy to them I was so happy, it felt magical and I really loved it. I found it easy, as I loved it so much. Fast forward to now & I have a 2 week old newborn who i adore. However, I am really struggling with this new dynamic as my toddler is struggling to adapt. I feel he isn’t very happy anymore and I am so at my wits end. He kisses the baby and wants to hold hands etc, but will suddenly turn and just scratch even though I’ve praised him on being so gentle prior etc. he doesn’t know his own strength so I have to hold him back to which he doesn’t like and then lashes out on the baby. It’s got to the point now where I am keeping them separate, can’t put the baby on a playmat etc until the toddler is in bed. I am just feeling heartbroken as this isn’t how I imagined having 2 kids. I didn’t expect to find it so hard. I rarely cuddle the baby unless I’m feeding him so my toddler doesn’t get too jealous but we are just not adapting well. My partner & I are constantly bickering when we had our first born it bought us closer if anything. Does it get better or do I have to accept my new life?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Girrafffees87832 · 27/03/2026 12:11

Sounds pretty standard. A 20 month old and a newborn was always going to be an absolute nightmare. You need to relax and adjust expectations.

GreenChameleon · 27/03/2026 12:13

You're only two weeks in, of course it'll get better. It might take some time though and it's definitely not easy during the first year or two (I have a 22 month gap myself).

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/03/2026 12:20

I havs 22m gap
Okay first its early doors.

things I did:
The baby gave the oldest a present is our case a toy buggy (get one that has a pram shade dont ask!) And a baby boy doll...

My kids are 2 and 4 and were playing with it this morning I got a corolle one ots the least creepy.

During my mat leave fri AM was my "special time" with oldest. we did 1:1 stuff as she got older I let her pick what we did.

Once they hit 3 and 1 when I give a snack one lids gets both and hands the snack to the other!

I play games where its kids vs mummy / daddy

I also dress them in unisex coords so they can "be twins" they love this.

For now just keep everyone safe 😅 everything will change as they get bigger.

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