Teacher acting a bit "concerned"

[Trenai04]

My DD is nearly 6 isnt a very social girl. She attends a group sometime but can say shes too tired to go sometimes. Sometimes acts excited to go then when shes there acts very shy.

If shes invited to a birthday party she will go but then want to just do things herself or with me. She would never join in games etc.

When picking her up today the teacher has said that shes doing fine at school but wants to wear the sound proofing ear defenders constantly and does think she seems more comfortable with these on. The last 2 times I've picked her up from her wee club also she has found a pair a been wearing them.
She has worn a pair that we have when we've went to fireworks or a wwe event which is loud and she cant stand loud noises.

I feel like the teacher was hinting at something but when I asked if shes thinking theres anything she kind of back tracked and didn't say anything more but basically made out without saying ot directly that unless there is maybe an underlying sensory issue that wearing the ear defenders is a problem?

Is it? Should I be concerned? Where do I go from here? Do I make a doctors appointment?

She sounds very similar to my DS. He wore ear defenders in reception and year 1 but has now stopped in year 2. He’s very shy and reserved too but becomes more confident when he is comfortable in his surroundings. He doesn’t like loud noises especially when they’re sudden but he seems to have gotten better at dealing with them. I guess he’s just matured abit so the same might be for your DD. If there isn’t any other concerns then I’d think she’ll just grow out of it too.

She might be hinting at autism, you need school to be honest really. Usually the Senco will be made aware of concerns & these should be shared with you.

It sounds like she's showing autistic traits. You can read up about sensory differences and other types of neurodiversity online. For example seeking or minimising sensory input like noises, touch, things in the mouth, scratchy labels on fabric...

Autistic girls often present differently to boys, often shy, fussy eaters, perfectionist tendencies, likes to play alone, with a strong sense of justice, difficulty with transitions and flexibility. There's loads of crossover with anxiety, and similar approaches can help children with either presentation. For example, letting children know in advance what to expect and minimising last-minute changes. Help with social skills "what did they mean when they said/did that?", help identifying emotions.

It sometimes feels like school do a bit of a dance rather than straight-talking, like they're waiting for you to Say The A Word before they do. You can ask to speak to relevant staff who'll have more training than her class teacher.

I wondered about autism. She sounds like my DS who just turned 6 and was diagnosed last year. However, many unsolicited views have been given that he can’t possibly be autistic because of how well he copes and because he appears normal. We suspected for a while and it was more obvious in preschool. It is a spectrum and everyone with ASD is different, and people can have traits without having ASD too.

I would gently look into it and perhaps chat with the teacher more and the SENCo. It’s amazing they are looking at this and having an open mind. It’s all for your DD’s benefit whatever the case.

Lots of kids at DD school wear them and not all are ND. My definitely not autistic 6 year old isn’t great with noise. She just finds it a bit overwhelming. At our school they have free access to fidgets and ear defenders and other tools so they can concentrate. It doesn’t have to mean anything but it might.

”It sometimes feels like school do a bit of a dance rather than straight-talking, like they're waiting for you to Say The A Word before they do. You can ask to speak to relevant staff who'll have more training than her class teacher.”

School staff are not trained to diagnose autism or any other neurodivergence. In my school we cannot even suggest it. We can only say what we observe and if the parent suggests neurodivergence, we can then suggest they look into it and that they can book an appointment with the SENCO to discuss.

How do you know your child is definitely not Autistic? Has she been assessed? I’m only asking as my diagnosed autistic daughter (diagnosed at 4) is very outgoing and loud but hit a many of the criteria for her diagnosis. The child psychologist at the hospital said that many people assume that to be autistic, they need to be timid but that it’s not always the case. Like you said, it’s a broad spectrum but wearing ear defenders due to finding noise overwhelming is HUGE symptom of autism. It may well be present in non-autistic kids, of course but unless she been assessed then you cannot say she’s “definitely not autistic”

We are in a similar situation with my daughter, she is 5.5 and in year 1
I had a meeting with her teacher and the KS lead as we were struggling with her hiding away outside of school, not wanting to go to school or her clubs and generally not being herself at home and being quite explosive at times.

We have had quite a few conversations with school since she started as she masks in school so it is only at home we find things out. It took her most of reception to feel comfortable with the teachers and until then she couldn't ask to go to the toilet or tell them she's hurt or scared or upset. She has come on loads since then but does still need me to advocate for her. In reception we had a few different issues but if you stepped back your could see that all the things she struggled with linked to communication. Once the school introduced some things to make communicating easier she struggled less.

In the autumn term she struggled with the noise of the classroom and the lunch hall so she wore headphones for half a term but since Christmas she mostly declines them. She now goes to lunch 10 minutes early and I think this helps.

I had previously spoken to the ks1 lead a few times about her social and emotional development and been a bit dismissed but in the latest meeting she did ask about masking. They went through how she was at home and at school and what could be done to help her feel more comfortable and allow her to cope with her emotions and manage the social dynamics in the class better. She is summer born and whilst she is doing well academically and it was the right thing to send her to school and not defer her, it is clear at times that her social skills aren't always at the same level as some of her class mates and this has a knock on effect on how she manages her emotions. The spring term in both reception and year 1 have been challenging with her finding friendships harder

The school have been very much it is her age until the last few months. They have now started being structured in the support they are putting in place and documenting what she is needing. As it currently stands this could be just her age or it could be something else. The school are going with the approach of if it is something else that becomes more apparent as she moves through primary school they will have a paper trail of how it has evolved.

I do have neurodiversity in the back of my mind as an option but there are other things there too. Her first 2-2.5 years were difficult for various reason, the pandemic for one, and it remains to be seen what impact they have had on her early development with care givers and peers.
Another aspect I have at the back of my mind relates to mental health. I have a mental health condition with a genetic component and I can definitely recognise symptoms in myself at 8 years and possibly earlier. The seasons play a role in my mental health and wellbeing and whether there are seasonal effects at play with my daughter is something we have in mind too.

Why would she be assessed? Most people are not autistic. I know I am not autistic and I’ve never been assessed either. Maybe we should screen the entire population but we don’t.

DD has absolutely no autistic traits whatsoever, she just wears ear defenders when it’s a bit loud and boisterous in her class. About half the school does though when they want to concentrate. They are freely available to all students as it’s a small and well resourced village primary that is very keen on inclusion so they make things available to everyone deliberately to remove stigma. DD reads silently as she is academically advanced but is in a mixed age class where some of the little ones can’t sit still yet, so she just likes to cancel them out sometimes. She doesn’t ever use them at home apart from when we go to watch motor racing as she finds that too loud and overwhelming too.

You can’t have someone assessed when they don’t present with anything, they would literally laugh me out the door. It’s hard enough to get kids that do present with anything to be seen.

DD is neither loud or timid, she is very popular with a range of friends, never had a meltdown, she regulates emotions very well (but she is 6 so she’s not infallible). She’s incredibly easy to parent. You can take her anywhere and she behaves beautifully- for which I take little credit, she’s just very straightforward (although we are strict on screens and manners and diet).

She has no repetitive behaviours, no unusual or obsessive interests, doesn’t exhibit any sensory seeking behaviours, eats and sleeps entirely normally, doesn’t stim, doesn’t mask, has entirely normal speech patterns, a normal attention span, no difficulties with routines, change, new people or situations. Never shown any anxiety or mental health issue- although she is experiencing a divorce so we are watching that at the moment (as is the school) as that’s an adjustment.

She is academically very capable and she is working 2-3 years ahead in reading and maths. That’s literally the only thing that makes her stand out- but her dad went to a very well regarded public school on a Maths scholarship and I work in HE and have PG level of education so that’s hardly a surprise, we were also early readers. She’s equally not Rain Man and can’t do anything remarkable.

She’s an entirely typical child but she does find 4 year olds that can’t read and shout a lot a bit irritating. Which I can’t blame her for. I would too.

@Trenai04 some kids just like wearing them, it doesn’t have to be anything bigger than that unless you have any other concerns. There was a little girl in the year above that wore ear defenders at parties and discos for her first 2 years at school. Doesn’t need them now, it didn’t mean anything at all, she was just sensitive to some types of sounds.