Supermarket meltdown - so embarrassed!

[DeeDee198600]

Hi, I suppose I’m just hoping for some words that will make me feel a bit less embarrassed / mortified about an upsetting experience at Sainsbury’s today.

I collected my little boy (4.5) from school and stopped at Sainsbury’s for some milk this afternoon. My little boy was asking for a toy (the answer was no) and proceeded to have a complete meltdown in the shop. I realise this is common, however he refused to stand, continued to throw himself on the ground screaming at the top of his lungs, then made a run for it up the aisle towards the toys.

A lady stopped him as I caught up and bent down to hold his hand and ask him what was upsetting him. He explained while I stood there feeling very embarrassed and she told me to take 5 minutes as I think she could see that he was very upset and I am assuming take 5 minutes was meant well.

I thanked her and I eventually managed to convince him to let me carry him out and into the car (this had previously been impossible as he locked his legs and arms so I couldn’t lift him and he is quite heavy now).

Am I right to feel embarrassed that I was finding it so difficult to deal with the situation? I literally felt that nothing I said or did was having any effect on calming the tantrum. I also feel embarrassed that a stranger got involved, although I’m sure she meant well.

No reason to feel embarrassed, and what a lovely stranger - she doesn't feel judgey at all.
Toddlers are so unpredictable and can be so tricky!
There's a great book called 'how to speak so really little kids will listen' which I found had some great tips for dealing with my tempestuous little one.

4.5 is on the older side for toddler tantrums but after a long day at school they can be exhausted and play up.

My daughter turned 4 in December so hasn't started school yet but up until 3.5 she would tantrum in all sorts of places including the supermarket. The number of times I carried her out screaming under my armpit like a wriggly surfboard...well I deserve a medal. You get to a point where you don't care what people think it happens so often.

Honestly you can use it as an anecdote to tell when he's older. DS1 had an epic tantrum in a shopping centre as a toddler. I picked him up went back to the car, strapped him into his car seat and calmly got into the car. He immediately stopped and tearily asked why were we going home. I explained the plan was new shoes, then thomas the tank engine ride in mothercare but because he was on the floor screaming "thomas tank" at the entrance to Clarks we couldn't get shoes.

This had been explained before we went in. He calmed down, we had a cuddle and back we went to clarks...shop assistant commented on how well behaved he was🫣....

We had the odd other tantrum but generally I was calm and explained and we got through it... (we'll not focus on how Ds2 took all the strategies and showed me up as rubbish so many times)

Payback is when you tell his girlfriend when he's 20...

Other woman had probably just been there, done that. Children have big emotions it's a part of life. You didn't give into the tantrum, just think this too will pass.
Sending support

Girl firstly I am slightly happy when I see another child not my own throw a tantrum. My little girl has additional needs and the amount of looks and tuts I get. It just unnecessary adds frustration to an already flustered situation

What a sweet woman, I have had it happened a few times and I just needed that minute to regulate myself.

Try not to overtime or feel bad about it, he may just be having an off day and doesn't know how to express it, the no to the toy was just too much perhaps. Glad you stood you're ground on that.

You have got this tomorrow it a new day, have a nice soak in the bath, and a wine ig you are partial.

If it was straight after school he was probably hungry. Lunchtime can be very early in Infants. A small snack can help prevent a lot of these kind of incidents.

Honestly nothing to feel embarrassed about! The lady was probably pleased to have been able to help.
Someone kindly stepped in when my then toddler was having a tantrum on the beach whilst my husband was swearing having just been stang by a bee 🤣 (I wasn't there!). The number of times we had to cary him to the car kicking and screaming... he's 7 now and very sensible and well behaved! 4 can be such a tough age.

No reason to be embarrassed. I suspect most parents have their own stories. DS1 was 3 and a bit and one notable Saturday (I was 6 months pregnant and DH was at work to compound my woes) he had such a tantrum over not wishing to go into the supermarket to buy lunch that and older couple stopped and helped me wrestle him into the trolley. At this point he’d raked his nails so hard down my hands that you could see scratches. 10 minutes later, tantrum long forgotten another lovely lady smiled at me, nodded at him and said ‘don’t worry, we’ve all been there’.

He’s now 13 and normally charming.

Don't feel embarrassed, literally no one will remember or recognise you again for this episode. All kids have a moment in the supermarket. You did the right thing by not caving in to demands.

Zero reason to be embarrassed.

Last week mine just wailed and wailed for 40 minutes and I just had to hold him and power march down the street.

Pre kids I would have seen me and judged like crazy, but, probably much like that woman, once you’ve been there yourself you realise sometimes these children will just lose it (often for no reason whatsoever) and the world keeps turning.

Dont forget that bystanders only see maybe 10 seconds of the tantrum. They won’t remember it when they lay in bed that night.

I remember that feeling of stress and helplessness when they were letting loose in a supermarket and I’d be trying so hard to stay calm while being gawped at by strangers.

Horrendous. Please just know it’s so common and your LBs tantrum sounds exactly like tantrums going on in every supermarket up and down the country every day.

Don’t be embarrassed, we’ve all had it at one time or another. I was once in the supermarket with my then 17/18 year old DD when we walked past a young boy having the mother of all tantrums. His mum looked mortified and apologised to us, I just smiled and said don’t apologise, this one (pointing at my DD) used to do that and she turned out ok in the end!

Stand firm and don’t worry, you’re doing a great job, this phase will pass.