I’m at a loss and would really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s navigated something similar.
I have one DD, 7yo. She is an amazing - fun, funny, kind and affectionate. She’s also a natural leader and loves being ‘the teacher’ in games, which can be great… but it’s also where the problems seem to start.
She can be quite bossy with other children and tell them what to do, but the bigger issue is definitely her tone. It can come across as quite sarcastic or a bit sassy. This has been a bit of a theme throughout school but this year (Y3) it seems to be happening almost daily. She often comes home saying that other children have told on her because she told them what to do or spoke to them in a way they didn’t like.
We have tried so many approaches with her. I’ve tried staying calm and listening, talking through the situations with her, asking how she could have handled things differently, explaining why tone matters and how we need to treat people the way we’d like to be treated. I always make it clear we love her, we’re on her side, but we can’t allow her to speak to people like that. None of it seems to be sinking in.
Tonight I lost my patience and said I might need to set up a meeting with the school because we’re struggling to get through to her, it has been years now. As soon as we try to talk about it she shuts down, gets very defensive and says everyone thinks she’s an idiot, that the other children are wrong, or that the teachers just don’t like her. It’s always someone else’s fault.
But then part of me also wonders if I’m overreacting. I have emailed the school a couple of times but they haven’t contacted me directly about it, and it’s a very good school so I assume they would if they were concerned. I’m actually not sure how big an issue it is from the teacher’s perspective as most of this has come from her telling us she was told off. To give her credit, she is usually very honest and tells us when she’s been told off at school, which I do appreciate.
I just feel a bit stuck and unsure what the right approach is now. Has anyone dealt with a child who struggles with tone/bossiness like this? What actually helped?