Asymmetric development in 6 year old

[Marylou47a]

My son is 6, in year 2, but August baby so one of the youngest in his year. Despite being nearly a year behind kids in his class he is very bright, is one of the top at maths, is one of the few free readers and in his last report got working beyond expectations across all academic type subjects. He’s always had a great memory, started talking very early, picks things up very easily. So academic side of things he is doing great on.

then in so many other ways he’s still like a toddler almost. He still has a lot of toilet accidents (both types), puts all of his clothes and shoes on backwards, has some proper emotional meltdowns, puts lots of things in his mouth/licks things, his handwriting is all over the place and the way he forms letters is totally bizarre.

i think there is some sensory processing issues which might be affecting a lot of this- he seems very hypo sensitive/ sensory seeking.

my question is, is this kind of asymmetric development normal? It honestly feels like one part of his brain has gone hell for leather in learning, and the other half go left way behind in nursery or something 😅
I looked into it and the only real reference I could find to this kind of thing is in neuro diverse kids. We did an autism checklist as requested by school last year due to his toileting problems and defiance- refused to go to the toilet even when he had done a poo and was told to by his teacher 😵‍💫 but he didn’t score very high and with his language and speaking early it didn’t seem to line up.
so is this something that will just shake out, or is his brain wired differently? I keep waiting for him to grow out of these things and it just never quite happens! Anyone experienced anything like this?

sorry if anyone has seen this post twice- I popped it on another board but I don’t think it gets much traffic so reposting here.

A ‘spikey profile’ is very common in autistic people.

Yes that’s what I have been reading about, but as I mentioned he didn’t score high on the ASD questionnaire we did so I guess I am wondering whether this is also common among neuro typical children or perhaps we should look again at ASD or other neuro diversity. I can’t really tell whether he will just grow out of the bits he struggles with or if it’s something we should look into more. We are pretty relaxed parents and I often take the view that most quirks will even out as they get older, but I also don’t want to just brush it off if it’s likely he is neuro diverse.

I think with the quirks, look at how to approach helping him with the areas he struggles with.
Some skills just take some kids longer to learn.

This sounds exactly like one of my kids who now has an autism diagnosis. We also did an autism questionnaire we found online and she scored really low because we didn't really see her behaviours as odd. Questions like "do they have any problems making friends" we completely overlooked. We assumed she was fine because she had a good social life but the more we thought about it she was regularly falling out with cliques and struggling to find her tribe. There's loads of stuff I see in her now and I think why didn't I see that at the time! I suggest you watch some YouTube videos for lots of examples of how the diagnostic criteria can actually look in real life.

I have a nearly 10 year old who is autistic. At 6 we noticed very few issues and these were easily explained away by lockdown and a medical issue which she had at the time. If he is neurodivergent (everyone is neurodiverse 🙂) then quirky behaviour will likely increase as he gets older. In my experience the screeners aren’t great at picking up academically able children.

I agree with @Blocksfruity some behaviours maybe missed due to differing family normals. I’ve just filled in a sensory profile questionnaire for my other child and it asks about eye contact and as we all know autism is genetic and if parents are autistic then they’re unlikely to notice if their child avoid eye contact. I need to ask my DH when he gets home if our child avoids eye contact as I think I do so it’s some thing I’m less likely to notice.

Actually that's a good point - my DD was assessed as a teenager. Asking about problems/difficulties can be misleading as parents of ND kids are often ND themselves so don't see their child's behaviour as anything other than completely 'normal' as it often mirrors their own experiences.
Both DH and I grew up with very intense hobbies and a tendancy to collect things, I found social clues and other children extremely hard, DH had OCD and so on.
My DD (like many autistic girls) flew largely under the radar for years..I thought there was something different about the way she played and interacted with other children from early on.

I think there is likely some neurodivergence or developmental issue here. The things he struggles with are numerous and outside of the expected things a six year old may struggle with.

Yes I think this is spiky profile or twice exceptional. My daughter is extremely academic, always top of the class offered multiple scholarships but was very behind at gross motor skills and has sensory issues, meltdowns, gets stuck in her clothing getting dressed or undressed, was a nightmare to potty train and had bladder issues and is a liitle bit odd socially. We are pretty sure she's austistic. She's brilliant though and doing amazing at school. I'm austistic but academic and had almost illegible handwriting at school.

Have you talked to a gp about the toileting issues?

Have a look at the issues around dyspraxia and see if that fits.

I'd be looking at ASD and dyspraxia, DS has both and they sound similar. DS spoke early and well, was the first free reader in his class and very academic. His writing was never great. Social issues didn't become clearer until nearer secondary school age.

There are so many other things apart from ASD. Young in year might be the only reason. Dyspraxia also does sound like a real possibility.

Wow thanks for all of the feedback here. Really helpful!

I do think that there is likely other neuro divergence within the family as my partner- who everyone always saw as quite antisocial, quirky and a bit of a perfectionist- has some strong autistic traits. And tbh we have both always been very non mainstream in many areas of our lives so when both of the kids are a bit quirky and not ones to follow the crowd neither of us have seen that as an issue. So I guess I don’t know if we are the best ones to assess his social abilities 🤣

@catipuss we have a continence referral and are waiting to see them about it. We did also speak to an OT through school but I think as he is so academically able and the school have other SEN kids who need a lot of support, they’ve not really prioritised looking into it more.

I wonder if I should perhaps pick back up with the SENCO at the school as he has had a few accidents at school recently so could see if they have any further thoughts on it.

its hard to know what to do!

This does sound very similar! Have you pursued any kind of support/diagnosis? It feels hard to push with the SENCO as there are some kids in the class who have real learning difficulties and need a lot of support, so it seems a bit mad to be asking for support for a kid who is doing year 3 maths and can read Harry Potter 😅

No we haven't yet as school think she's perfect and don't care she is slow at changing, no good at PE and very socially different as she is well behaved there and gets them great results. I believe you need the support of the school for a diagnosis. We deal with a lot at home and worry about the teenage years. The transition to senior is coming up and I'm nervous.

For OT you could ask your GP for a referral or in some areas it's a self referral. You don't necessarily need to see the school one.

I'd suggest a comprehensive OT (coordination, self care skills and sensory) assessment and take it from there

We have one who was recently assessed as asymmetric in development (can read, count, subtract and multiply at age 3), but socially he is behind. They did not diagnose him as autistic (they did at age 2, but have taken it back at age 3 based on changes). The psychologist said he is likely neurodivergent, not enough to be autistic, but not to be surprised if he ends up having ADHD or something which appears later in life and can't be assessed at his age. We were told he needs to go to an academic private school when he starts, or find one with a gifted program so he doesnt get bored and disruptive.