Have I messed up in choosing my daughter’s school?

[Mumoftwo8519]

My daughter is due to start reception in September and we had two schools to choose from - both half a mile from our house and both good schools.
my husband and I went to view both of them and were drawn to one of them. We liked it because it’s a little church school (separate sites for infant/jnrs) and small/intimate. Our daughter can struggle to stay focused and gets overstimulated in very busy/excitable environments so we thought this school would suit her better than a single site up to year 6, which the other school is.
at the time of viewing them in October lots of nursery parents were still undecided on their choice and we chatted to some to see what their thoughts were but never established where everyone was going as we felt confident in our choice so it didn’t cross my mind.
fast forward to a month ago and I find out that my daughters three very close friends at nursery are all going (or put it as first choice) to the other school, and my heart literally sank. I thought at least one of them would go to the school we’ve chosen, but no. Having spoken to the parents at a party, it seems like they have based at least part of their decision on keeping that friendship group together. I don’t see the parents out of nursery, but the group do all meet up. I dont do pick up or drop off so not well bonded with other parents.

Have I completely messed up here? Should I have considered her friendship group in the decision making? Is that normal for that to be a factor in which school you send your children?

Im so upset at the minute, I feel awful. Im not worried about my daughter making new friends, she’s very outgoing and confident she will make new friends so easily but im sad she won’t be with her friends she talks about so much.
I could appeal, so there are options i think but im not sure my husband would change his mind on this bases only.

No, send her to.the school she will do best in. She will make new friends

She’ll make friends quickly, don’t worry

Those parents are insane if they’ve based their decisions on how comfortable their child will feel for about a week or less in sept.

Friendship group decision didn't come into our school choice at all for either children. Friendship groups change as they go through school anyway.

It turns out all of DD's friends have selected a different school to the one we have for DD. I'm a bit gutted (as I also get alone with those parents) but I'm 99% sure some of those wont get into that school and will end up with DD. Default for DD was to go to the same school as her brother, it would have taken alot of us to select first choice as elsewhere.

This! Not a good reason to choose a school at all.

Who were you friends with when you were 4 ? I bet you can’t remember!

She will be 5. It’s fine.

You are worrying unnecessarily, I promise you. My DD went to an out-of-catchment school. None of her nursery friends went there. She made friends quickly, as did most of the children. I'm sure that's pretty typical.

My oldest attended a nursery/pre school near my work, rather than home, so was always going to be going to a different school. He quickly made new friends and doesn’t remember his nursery friends now at 8. He do talk about them a bit when he first left but due to COVID etc we couldn’t meet up at that point.

Don't worry about it you chose the school that will suit her needs. She'll make new friends at school. My dd didn't know any kids going into nursery as none of her friends ended up going to the same one (different parts of the city) and she made new friends the first week there.

No you have chosen the correct child for your child which is the most important thing .

you can maintain play dates with the other children if you want once school starts.

tbh my daughter is in reception and we dumped into some of her old nursery "friends" at parkrun last weekend... she couldn't even remember their names .
They make new friends so quickly at school she will be fine

All the children will have different friends within a few months of starting school. Your daughter won't even notice the other friends are elsewhere after the first few months.

Don’t worry, my DD went to a private nursery near my work so knew no other children at all when she started Reception at school. She’s made lots of friends. At such a young age they drift between friendships anyway.

Go for the school you're drawn to and don't worry. My DD's primary school has five forms and I was worried she wouldn't know anyone when she wasn't put in a class with her best friend from nursery. She skipped into school and has ignored her ex-best friend at playtime ever since (feeling's mutual!) as they immediately made friends in their reception classes.

To be honest there is a group of mums with daughters in DD's class who were nursery besties and now we're in year 2 it's all a bit awkward for them - their girls don't necessarily want to be friends anymore. One of them got in a lot of trouble last year for shouting at and hitting my daughter because another girl in the group wanted to be best friends with her. This girl has now left the school.

My LO went to a school where no one from his nursery group went and he settled in fine. It is a really hard decision that you have to make for your child

They may all want their children to be friends forever but given the new and exciting classmates they will have they might not be besties for long. It is a ridiculous reason to choose a school.

You choose the school that best fits your child, not what best fits anyone else's child. Your child will no doubt make new friends when they start and you help foster friendships with playdates at the park or at each other's houses.

It will be fine. Everyone panics about their choice.

Hi OP, I feel the same, although we knew in advance who was going where. My children (twins) are the only 2 going to the school we’ve chosen and it seems the entire class have chosen our second choice.
Although we think what we have chosen for the children will suit them best, I still feel enormous guilt as their nursery pals have all been together since 13/14 months. They will make new friends but I wanted to let you know I empathise.

Thanks everyone for the reassurance that it’s not the norm to choose a school based on nursery friendship groups. Im not worried in the slightest about my DD making new friends she will
in a heartbeat, just sad I’m taking her away from her friends she’s been so close with since she was so little. Feels so harsh to separate her from them.