18-months old hates being at home?

[FryingPam]

My 18-year old is such a happy boy whenever we are out - softplay, park, nursery etc. But he cries and whines all the time when at home, particularly if it’s just me at home with him. He won’t do any independent play (although he does at nursery when there are others around), I need to constantly entertain him but even then he will get bored really quickly and cry or point outside (to the door or window). I’m usually out a lot with him, we always do one activity in the morning and one in the afternoon, but I’m looking for strategies to keep him entertained at home for short periods - just long enough in the morning to get myself ready, and in the late afternoon to prepare food and do a bit of tidying up. I tried to include him in chores, but - line with other things - this only works for a couple of minutes before he starts crying.

Yes sadly at 18 months they want entertained, they usually won't play on their own and if he is at nursery he will want to be with you when they are at home, that is why parents are at the park or soft play just to get them out of the house.

Do you allow screens ? Half an hour of cbeebies might be your answer

My first was exactly like this. In fact as a stay at home Mum I had to get out each day to stop myself going mad. The best thing I ever got for the house was what they call a montessori style learning tower. My husband made ours but you can buy them too.

They allow a toddler to stand at the counter with you, which means that you can both be in the same space while you work. So you can be making dinner or doing whatever you need to and they can either "help" or play along side you.

Depending on age they might like:

Play doh (home made in a zip lock lasts ages).
Magic sand with toys.
Normal sand with toys, scoops etc.
Big tub of dried lentils and a jug and cup to practice pouring (move up to water when they are competent).
A couple of cm of bubbly water and some plastic toys to play with or a little sponge to wash them.
Buy a play sink from Smyths for about £15 and they will play with it until the batteries run out.
Crayons and paper.
Toddler scissors, paper, loo roll tubes and paper tape.
Glue stick and sequins when they are past the eating things stage.
Give them a blunt butter knife or buy a toddler knife and let them chop up soft fruit for a snack.
Let them "help" make lunch or dinner in age appropriate ways (teach them how to make a sandwich or spread something on a cracker).

Anyway stuff like this keeps them occupied and feeling near to you at the same time. They can even do simple jigsaws or things like that and you can help them at the same time as do your house work. The older they get, they can help more. At first everything is slow but one day you realise you have another person who can actually help you and make their own lunch or get themselves and their sibling a snack or something.

I'd also recommend a book called "How to raise an amazing child the montessori way". I didn't follow this to the tee but it gives lots of ideas on how to foster independency in little ones and lots of nice activities that you can do in the home.

Independent play is tricky at this age. I found it only kicked in properly after 2 and even then much input was required.

Yes, I started to resort to a screen when I was desperate, but ideally I want to limit it.

Thank you, I’ll try some of these ideas

Toddler tower, my 19 month old basically lives in it. He draws and plays with stickers while I do dishes, cook dinner, have coffee etc.

Lego (duplo). Took him a while to get it, we essentially had to play loads to show him, but he plays with it by himself now.

That is fair but honestly sometimes needs must especially if you are just trying to put a washing on or whatever the constant grumpiness from him will grate.

Completely normal. I found messy play in the form of dry rice/pasta and bowls with kitchen utensils was good if I needed to get on. It made a mess but if I didn’t do something like that he’d just empty all the cupboards (he could open the toddler locks quicker than I could). One of my braver friends bought a giant storage box and puts it on towels on the kitchen floor and fills it with water. Or washing toys at the sink. Unfortunately most of the things that keep them entertained on their own are messy at this age! It does pass. My DD is 4 and still at that age. DS is 8 and never really makes a mess now.

And don’t worry too much about screens as PP said. DS was 18 months ish through lockdown and the TV seemed to never go off. He’s now A* in everything at school so it didn’t do him too much harm. He never had tablets or games though, just telly.

Mines the same, puts her shoes on as soon as she comes downstairs in the morning and stands by the front door until I promise we’re going to go out.

To get things done I started using screens
I’d been really against it but I wasn’t able to get anything done at all, so now we have some structured screen time where I run around and get dinner on empty the dishwasher sort the laundry and tidy round. I figured the positives of clean house, a healthy dinner and a mum that wasn’t totally frazzled outweighed the negatives of 45mins of ms rachel. I know some people disagree but I was killing myself trying to manage.

i do also rotate toys so things seem new and exciting after they’ve been away for a week or two, and I can bring out something exciting if I’m really desperate to get something done.
and messy play with a tub of oats or pasta that can be scooped into other tubs and driven through with tractors. And it’s easy to hoover up once you’re done.
We have a tonies and a yoto box too that dc will play with and listen to at my feet
and I can pop the toddler in their high chair to contain them and get a bit of time out of things like play doh and crayons. Not long, but long enough to empty the dishwasher and wipe the surfaces.

I never worried too much about limiting screen time. The TV was constantly on in our house when I was growing up and my brother and I were both high academic achievers (IOxford degrees - and he got a doctorate from Cambridge!) despite our working class backgrounds.

And likewise, my daughter, who watched a fair amount of TV when growing up, whenever I thought it would be helpful, or I thought there was something educational on or something she would enjoy - is now a really high academic achiever (and lovely person).

The trouble with research into anything like this, is it's impossible to take our other variables. You can't raise two identical children in two identical families, giving one screen time and the other none.

It makes no sense to me, that these devices which often expose children to new ideas, new vocabulary, new experiences, joyful things like music, drama, dancing, etc etc, are assumed to be so developmentally damaging, and children are assumed to derive more stimulation and growth by playing in some mud.

(Playing in mud is great for kids, or course. But so is music and narrative, etc etc).