Returning to work full time with two children, any practical tips?

[Barty1823]

I’m expecting my second child and my first will be nearly 4 when the second comes.

I know it’s a while away but I’ve been thinking about the transition from maternity leave back to work and feeling quite anxious about how I’ll manage my career, two children and my own sanity. With my first I was in a job that I wasnt invested in so wasn’t that concerned about this, but since changed jobs so really want to keep my career up.

I really don’t want to give up work full time and wondered if anyone else out there has experienced this and how best to organise things to make the transition back to work smooth? Any tips on things that worked well (and what didn’t work so well). Any contributions really appreciated.

Presuming your DH also works full time, divide the DC related load equitably. Actually divide everything equitably!

Decide how you will manage between you the sick days, days nursery is closed, kids admin, and in future school holidays. Who goes to the nativity play, dental check ups etc.

Outsource as much as you can afford - cleaner, online shopping. Meal plan and batch cook at weekends. Have easy stuff in the freezer to feed cranky kids dinner quickly when you get home. Pack everyone's bags the night before, make your packed lunches. Share diaries so there's no surprise evening meetings or overnight work trips. Stock up on birthday cards and presents.

Make sure you have equal down/leisure time, however that might look.

During mat leave you'll likely take on the lions share of home and childcare, so ensure that doesn't continue once you are back working.

1. You need your DH/DP to be fully on board. And to do half (whatever that looks like for you - for us, I do much more in term time but DH (teacher) picks up all the slack and then some in the holidays).
2. Have, if affordable, rock solid childcare. We had a childminder who only had children from two families so would have the DCs if they were ill. It wasn’t cheap but I was in work (as was DH) whilst both DC were grumpy with chickenpox.
3. If that isn’t affordable agree how things will work with DH/DP so that the default isn’t you!
4. Let your standards drop. Don’t judge yourself against someone who has time at home to do stuff like clean.
5. Buy in help if affordable.
6. Do not listen to people getting in your ear about your choices. The same would happen the other way round if you were a SAHM. (DH and I agreed I would have to be polite to the pitying people when anyone had asked him if HE wouldn’t rather be at home or PT…DS1 is 13, I still am waiting to need to be polite)

I echo pp, it needs to be joint. Both me and my husband put flexible working plans in. I do condensed hours (7-5) 4 days a week and he also has a set day in the week off. My mam helps one or two days depending on husbands shifts as he does 4 on 4 off so it was a team effort. Plus we both take turns if one needs to book last minute leave or dependant leave for sickness etc it can’t all be on you. Not fair on you or your employer.

Thank you everyone for your really useful contributions! Massively appreciate the time taken to give your thoughts.

Buy in help if you can and if you can't, let your standards drop a bit for cleaning etc. Online shopping/click & collect. I don't batch cook at weekends as I found this took too much family time up, so we do easy midweek dinners (slow cooker, jacket potato, easy pasta etc). We also get some meals from Cook and freeze as they can just be put in the oven and prep some quick sides, but aren't unhealthy. If you're both commuting it will be harder. We manage a lot as husband wfh whereas I'm minimum an hour commute each way. He does every drop off and does laundry during week, keeps on top of kitchen and hoovering etc. If he was commuting this would be a lot harder. One thing I've learned is to do my stuff at their bedtime eg skincare whilst they are in the bath, or shower in eve etc. One do bedtime whilst other sorts house out so actually get time to sit down in evening. If you can, book the odd day off when they're in childcare to have some time for yourself or together (we have no family support so no babysitting for this). Agree in advance about things like sick days appointments etc

I think one of the best things I did was to make a meal plan. I had a 3 week one with a 6 week swap out for some meals. I had a shopping list saved for each week and used a supermarket delivery service.

This is easier than you think, you are already deciding what to have for breakfast, lunches and dinners so write it all down under those headings. There are loads of meal planning help things online but I just divided the dinners down into main protein categories like fish, chicken, red meat.

I also batch cooked so part of that meal plan meant I could just pull something from the freezer. Use a food processor for things like chopping onions and grating carrots. I still batch prepare food now, again lots of youtube videos on this for inspiration, also sheet pan oven meals.

You definitely need a Dh/Dp who understands they are a parent too and this all needs to be shared when you are both not at work. I had systems and rotas in place too. Work out what works best for you.

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Definitely plan ahead with uniforms,book bag ,gym kit for the mornings.
If grandparents helping with pick ups ensure they have a car seat available,door key ,snacks,food for the children etc . Wrap around care for child at school really helps my daughter. Get husband onboard with the logistics! Good luck because I cannot imagine how I would have coped with working full time and managing the children.

My dc are older teens now but I have seen many, many families juggle similar situations.

Essentially, it boils down to 1 thing. Money. You either use your combined salaries to buy the childcare and support you need (cleaner, gardener, send out ironing etc).

Or you reduce your childcare costs by one or both parents reducing their working hours.

Look very closely at what you will be entitled to in terms of funded childcare hours from the government. Are you entitled to Child Benefit etc? Any low income related benefits?

When on maternity leave, do not fall into the trap of carrying all the domestic load and then continuing by default when you return to work. This is probably the biggest cause of relationship breakdown/ divorce that I have seen in the past 20 years both on here and in rl.

Just close your eyes and hope for the best. It’s the trenches. You got this 💪🏼

Thanks everyone. Sounds like precise organising matters most. I have help of one parent and grandparent to my child but I know that when I have two young ones they will struggle to help so much, whereas with one it has been manageable to get help when I’ve needed it and I’ve been so grateful for that. Some things to think about.

I would echo what many others have said that having your DP on board to share the load equitably is the thing that matters most. Do not be the default parent for all nursery pick-ups/sick days/etc. DH and I split pick ups and drop offs and both adjusted our hours slightly so that one of us didn’t have to leave work early every day. Shared online family calendar is essential for us and we sit down every Sunday and run through the week so there are no surprises! Now DC are older we can do this by ourselves in a coffee shop which is nice.

Great that you have some family close by, but don’t underestimate the power of the nursery/school parent ‘village’. Absolute lifeline to be able to call someone local to help if you are ever stuck and unable to pick up from school.

My other tip is that if you do go back to a flexible working arrangement, don’t apologise when you have to leave early or have a non-working day! First time round after Mat leave I was very much “oh sorry, I have to leave at 5 on a Wednesday” whereas second time I lost the sorry!!

Good luck, you’ll smash it 💪🏻

Definitely make sure that you and your partner/husband are on the same page about what's going to happen when you go back to work!

Most important is good and reliable childcare - that's what I'd throw the money at. And also a back-up plan for when things go wrong (which they will!) Find out the name of a good nanny/babysitting agency near you and register with them.

When you're back at work be very clear about your working hours; when I went back after DC1, it was at a company where only a couple of us had children, and so the end of the working day was often very relaxed, as most people didn't have to get home for a specific time. I had to get quite stroppy with one colleague who had a habit of wandering past my desk at (usually around) 5.20 and say he wanted to chat with me about something. Whereas I knew I had to be out of the door at 5.30 to be back home for the nanny! Don't ever be apologetic about leaving when you need to.