yes. Mine are divorced now.
My dad has always been low effort. he adverse to emotions and affection, prioritises himself. When he was single and lonely he would call and suggest doing something. he'd never SAY he was lonely, he'd suggest coming around or doing something together. He's got a partner now so bothers with me less. My sibling and I are trying to arrange to see him about something important. he just said he can't do a date as he's attending a low stakes edition of his (very frequent) hobby.
On the plus side he doesn't complain if I let things slide too. Weeks can go by without contact, if I don't call on his birthday there is no murmur (when I was a child he would regularly forget or be unavailable for my important life events).
My mum has kept her distance. the few times I've suggested her being more involved with our family when the kids were young I got a hard no. Once I asked her to help me with a childcare emergency and she said no.
I've spent time wondering if I should have approached it differently, said more about how much I would have appreciated her support, and how that could have built closer relationships.
It's been hard to understand why she stood so far back, eventually I've realised she is incredibly, like clinically, anxious but has no self awareness of how abnormal that is.
Im only seeing it now as she's getting older and can't mask so well any more. So she doesn't call much as she worries about bothering us (but then worries why I'm not calling if I don't for a while). And doesn't visit much as she's fearful of traveling here. And avoided and resisted helping out with the kids as she's so fearful of something going wrong.
Occasionally in a phase of seeing us a bit more she's say she'd enjoyed it and got to know better the kids. But it never led to regular visits despite being retired, in good health, living close enough by and saying / hinting she wished she'd see us more. And she's lonely.
Her ideal would be I visit her much more, with the kids. So I carry all the time and effort of travel and she gets all the fun. So I do that when I can but it's every few months as I juggle and demanding job and family life.
It's really a shame her anxiety has limited her later life, maybe all her life so much. Though I think it has got worse as she's got older. I remember her as a confident mum, though in those years you just have to get on with it. As she was free to avoid more, she has, and that's gone off in a narrowing spiral.
We could have been closer, she could be closer to her grandchildren. I felt hurt by her distance.
In the end it's been her choice to lean into her fears, traits and limits rather than face up to and seek help to work through them. There is a self centred-ness to choosing that path and through guilt tripping trying to get me to make all the running to her.
I do what I can, but I assess carefully my capacity to make the running for her with my other commitments, needs and wishes. If I need downtime, or want to see a friend, I have no worries about prioritising that ahead of making the running to see her.
I will organise my later years differently, and prioritise making the running to see and be part of my adult children's lives. If they have children and want my support I'd organise my routine and schedules around that, I'd move to be nearer to them if they are willing.
So: yes, it happens.
I disagree with the Mumsnet take that I should make the effort inspire of all the above. When I've asked for or offered more I've got a no. So now I calibrate my effort to the effort my parents put in.
The bar is where they have set it, which is low, and that's sad. Reality is I have other parental like relationships in my life which mean more to me now.