Does it really get easier after 1 year?

[PrincessJasmine3]

I’m a FTM and finding things HARD. My DD is 8 months old this week and while I’ve found things very up and down, I still don’t feel like I’ve got this motherhood thing down. Weaning isn’t going well, we’re a couple of months in and she won’t really eat anything other than a couple of spoons of fruity yogurt. Vegetables is a no go, finger foods end up on the floor (not a problem, more that she won’t try them first) and most things I try and give her she pushes away after tasting a tiny bit. Our health visitor has said her milk should start to decrease and she’ll be on 3 meals a day soon…. How?!
She’s teething, I can see a swollen gum and a white bit underneath but I have no idea if we’re days or weeks away from it cutting.
She’s whining ALOT, can’t crawl but wants to so that could be it but I just have no idea.

I lost my own mum when I was young and I don’t have any sisters so I just feel lost. I spend most of my day just having no idea. No idea how to do weaning, no idea why she’s whining, no idea how to comfort or settle her at night… just no idea on anything.

Everyone tells me it gets easier after one year. People keep asking if I want more babies and I say no, only to be told I’ll change my mind after a year. Is there some miracle I’m missing that happens at one year?

My 19 month old is absolutely delightful.

Months 0-3 - nightmare.
Months 3-6 - lovely
Months 6-12 - an absolute mess. Frustrated baby who wanted to more stuff but couldn't, weaning was a nightmare, teething and separation anxiety fucked up all sleep.

It genuinely started getting much, much easier from 12 Months. Not suddenly, slowly.

Toddlers are hard in that, well, you can never sit down anymore. And they have no safety or survival instincts. But they can walk, and play, and start talking, and eating better. They're very entertaining too.

I haven't hit terrible 2s yet so maybe this is just nature giving me a rest but I love it.

Re having a second child, that's just chit chat. Enjoy your baby for now, don't even think about it yet. Unless you are quite old or have fertility issues, there's no reason to give it another thought for at least another year.

Ohhh sending you such a big hug.
I found 0-12pm this intense and just relentless. There’s no escape when you’re on maternity leave and the constant whinging from teething I found really tough. I also hated the whinging from wanting to be mobile and not being able to. My first child wouldn’t sleep in the car or pram so all naps had to be at home which was hard too (albeit can’t complain as she do nap!) my second, now 9 months, will sleep in the pram so I get out on walks as much as possible.

my mum died when I was young too. Please do not underestimate the difficulty and extra pressure you have on yourself physically, mentally and emotionally without having your own mum around, and no mum/ sister support network. It is something that others just cannot understand and is very isolating.

Different stages are easy for different people. Partly because of the child, but partly just because different ages suit different people better. It sounds like you'll be much happier once she can communicate her needs a bit better. This will start coming in soon, in the next few months and continue through her second year. So, yes, I think it will get easier for you in the next six months or so. Toddlers bring different challenges, but you may be better equipped to handle those.

It doesn't get easier as such, but it does change. It's a perfect example of "this too shall pass".

Your child will become more verbal (not necessarily more reasonable, because toddlers...) but you will be able to talk to them. And the first time you realise you're having a proper chat is great 😀. It will probably be just before you cut their apple up the wrong way 🙄 They will (probably) start to eat more food than they throw on the floor and will figure out the crawling. And then the challenges will change. Just as you think you can't take any more, they will get over that bump and it will be something else.

You might change how you feel after a year, you might not. There's no way I wanted another at that age, but when my eldest was 2 I started to think I could face it again. I didn't want another baby, but I did want another child and I felt brave enough to face the baby stage again in order to come out the other side.

Either way is fine ☕️

It is very hard, it’s not just you.

It does get easier.

Food - they do spend a lot of time mashing and playing with finger food and throwing on the floor - perfectly normal. She’ll get the idea eventually.

Teething isn’t fun for them. Something cold to gnaw in often helps. Mine appreciated chilled carrot sticks.

Crawling - it’s normal for tg to get frustrated until they work it out, Totally normal, she’lll get it in jer own time.

So basically, it’s all normal and all that normal is really hard.

It gets easier, mostly because you get a but more sleep which means you have more patience.

💐💐💐💐💐

It does get way easier after a year, especially the eating part!

8 months is still very young in terms of weaning, and my two were both just having a little nibble of yoghurt or banana by then. Some kids get it quicker than others and that's fine. By 12 months my two were still getting the majority of their sustenance from breastmilk tbh. Neither of them could just grab a whole apple and just crunch away on it until at least 15 months.

Not all babies are equal in terms of energy drains.
My eldest is 5.5
This is how she has been
0-3 weeks dream baby
3-18 weeks screaming monster
4-15 months energy vampire
15m-4y delightful by day nightmare by night. Sleep thief
4y-5.5 emotional shaken bottle of pop by day but now sleeps better although not always getting enough

She didn't engage with weaning until 13 months and was 20 months before we could wean her off formula. I stopped breastfeeding at 10 months at which point she was still essentially exclusively breastfed as she only had a couple of spoons of food a day and not every day. She has very little interest in food.

My second is 6 months and he is night and day different to my first he is so bubbly and chilled. He is the shining sun allowing my cells to photosynthesis and fills my energy up with his smile. My daughter has severe silent reflux which she is still medicated for and had a lot of food allergies. This has caused issues periodically with her development and makes life with her challenging.

My eldest can be the sweetest and loveliest girl a lot of the time but when she gets tired and stressed she struggles with her emotions. Most days she sleeps less than she needs, eats less than she needs and it definitely impacts her emotional wellbeing

There is no “it gets better after a year” there is no real age to be honest, every child is different and each parent will find different stages easier or difficult, you just get through it by sheer will power and perseverance.
Dont beat yourself up OP no one really has a clue what they are doing, you just do what you think is best and get through it, don’t listen too much to the health visitor, my last health visitor told me i had to wake my twins every 2 hours for feeds 🤦🏻‍♀️despite them gaining weight fine- like really? When do i eat? Shower? Sleep? Then revealed she didn’t have kids?? They are just going by the book most of the time and no child is by the book.
Take joy in the little things as much as you can, try not to despair too much when things don’t go right and take each day as it comes- some will be great and full of joy and some will be complete disaster but theres always tomorrow to try again.

No. I think it's a lie tbh, and most of my friends IRL agree sadly. It's just that we are expected to roll with it more as they get older. The problems change and you may find the new ones easier or harder, and those will be replaced with new challenges etc.

Also every child is different and will face different issues, so it's hard to generalize.

Oh yes it gets easier, but not until they leave home😂
I found the early years really punishing, teenagers are a dream in comparison, but many of my friends have found the opposite, so I’d say ‘it’s easier after the first year’ is more to give you hope rather than a reality!
But I promise you OP, we’re all just making it up as we go along and hoping for the best. Parenting is bloody hard work, with absolutely no recognition in society that’s it’s an incredibly important job. Raising a hard working, considerate adult benefits society, raising a hooligan is a bane for society.

It gets easier for a while around 9-18m then the toddler phase is hard, I found 3+ was when it really got easier

Don’t worry about the weaning, they’re all different, it’s more about getting used to different tastes and textures at 8 months

Are you in any mum and baby groups? It can really help talking to other first time mums.
The truth is nobody really knows what they’re doing!

I think parenting gets trickier, you're not just keeping them alive and fed anymore. BUT the first 12 months are PHYSICALLY brutal, in my opinion. The lack of sleep is just torture especially after your body has taken quite a beating with pregnancy and birth/c section, and then breastfeeding on top. They're also just ON you a lot and being touched out is a very real thing.

Bar any special needs, that does vastly, vastly improve (slowly and incrementally). You do sleep more, your body starts to recover naturally, you can leave a toddler with a relative to pop out etc.

I’m loving life with a 15 month old after feeling basically nothing but constant anxiety and stress from 0-12 months. Sleep hasn’t improved and there’s still plenty to be anxious about but it’s just a lot more fun.

Uurggghh the first 12 months are the worst, although there's no magic that happens at 12 months and I found 12 - 24 months pretty hard work too - but at some point during that time things definitely improve. When they start to talk it gets more interesting and more fun. Of course then there's potty training and that was hell too....

The first year was pretty miserable, and I had a supposedly easy baby. Like you, I had no support other than my DH.

It got better once I went back to work and so had a break for a few days a week and a ready source of advice and support from nursery, which made such a difference. I went back at 12 months but with hindsight it would have been better to go back earlier

Hmm...does it get harder when they can walk, become danger magnets, need to potty trained, and have strong opinions about everything...I'd say not!

I think you're overthinking it. My daughter barely ate anything until about 15 months. She was a total boob-monster. As long as you offer her food regularly, you've done your job.

It doesn't really get "easier" until about 4-ish when they are potty trained, reliably sleep through the night and fairly independent in terms of being able to play without you or focus on an activity.

It gets harder sorry op till about 3. They start walking and then you cannot do a single thing unless there’s a second person to watch them. I found both my kids incredibly hard - food, sleep, Velcro babies. At 3 it got much easier. I have a 3.5yo and today cooked dinner while my toddler did a puzzle (40min).

I have found it keeps getting easier except for a horrific period of teething and endless nursery illnesses after I went back to work. My 3.5,year old was a delight but now I’ve had a 2nd and it’s hard again.

Depends what kind of child you have to be honest. But no it has absolutely not got easier, only harder for me. My child is 27 months. Tantrums, Walking, communicating more, teething, etc has brought all new troubles and stresses. Take me back to 0-6 months please.

Nobody knows what they're doing, love. Some people are very good at pretending they do (and putting it on Instagram) though. I had NCT friends whom I thought instinctively knew the secret of how to be a good mother when our kids were under 1 but it turned out later when we talked about it they were struggling too.

It will be difficult without your own mum because you will be thinking about her a lot, but you can do this. The secret is to lower your standards and consider every day a success if the time has passed and you're all alive at the end of it.

I wouldn't say there is a distinct line for when it gets better, but it DOES get better gradually and unsteadily and one day you've got a little pal (yes, an often whiny, stubborn, and entirely self-centred pal) and that's when you might think about another... or you might not and that's all right too. Sending all the best wishes.

I have an 18 month old who isn’t walking yet and isn’t really talking either.

Everything gets thrown on the floor. Or chucked behind him.

He’s started to become upset at things that he used to be absolutely fine with, like going on the train.

He’s incredibly bright so I don’t get a minute’s peace.

He’s never slept through the night.

We’ve recently hit peak separation anxiety.

Teething molars wasn’t fun, and they’ve not finished yet.

The thing that is easier is that he’s only on one nap a day now, so that makes the day easier to plan.