Nearly 1 and still can’t put her down

[magicstar2020]

My second baby, so I thought I knew what I was doing. Turns out some kids are adaptable and easy and some kids just aren’t.
I’ve never been able to put her down, she will occasionally be ok with a toy for 5 minutes or if she has exactly the right food in front of her, but in general she screams when I go to the loo, clean the kitchen, have a shower, in the car. It’s not like I’ve held her her whole life, or that she’ll respond to some kind of separation anxiety training… because I’ve always left her and come back (I’ve had to).
we co slept for the first 6-8 months then she transitioned to her cot. We did some gentle sleep training where we held her hand as she cried and fell asleep never letting it go on too long. she’s EBF, tried every bottle and dummy ever made but she won’t take either.
As we approach a year, she’s started tantrum-ing (throwing her head back and her body against the floor) whilst she screams, just because I’ve put her down to use the loo, I’m DESPERATE. I don’t know what to do. I love that she’s so happy when she’s attached to me but it’s not possible all the time and we can’t stand the screaming anymore. Please … any help or tips would be so appreciated xxx

It sounds exhausting and very stressful. Have you looked into things like reflux, ear ache, anything else causing pain?

This is the hardest age, between about 7-12 months. That said, I just carried mine in a sling until they were happy to play independently. It made cleaning and getting things around the house easy. You can also use the toilet with them in a sling, but otherwise, I’d just pop mine on the floor in front of me. I’ve never had a need to have a shower during the day, but I’d expect a young baby to get upset being left for 10 minutes while you shower, so I’d save showers for evenings or assuming you have a partner, when partner is home.

The best thing you can do to encourage independence though is to make them feel really secure. I’d just carry her with you, put her down in front of you if you need your hands, and otherwise wear her in a sling. One day it just stops and they’re easy, you just have to get to that point.

@endofthelinefinally she does has CMPA but we’ve seemingly sorted that, I’m off dairy and so is she for now. When I pick her up it’s like the off button gets pushed on the screaming, so it’s immediate. For this reason I’m reluctant to think it’s a pain thing x

@mindutopiathank you for replying. My first baby got harder after a year so I guess I’m scared it will get worse, but I should know by now they’re all so different. I try my best to always be there and to respond, but it’s just so impossible to all the time, especially with another kid around.

My 15mo is a bit like this. He cries a lot at the moment, though he was a bit more chilled as a baby. If we put him in the playpen so we can get ready, grab something, help older DS with something he will cry like we've ruined his life. If he's in his high chair and anyone nips out of sight for a moment, instant crying. He can play a bit independently as long as you are really close by, i.e. I have to sit in the playpen too.

I just try to verbally reassure him, and get back to him as soon as I can. If I can, I bring him with me, and if I can't, then he cries for a bit.

This phase sucks but it too will pass.

Can she crawl?
mine was the same until she could explore on her own. Still preferred to be in my arms until she was a confident walker around 13m but it bought me a few minutes. She still doesn’t like me leaving the room, but I picked a phrase and I said it consistently like ‘I’ll be one minute’ and she learned I was coming back quickly when I said that, seemed to make her a bit more relaxed.
I also had special items in each place that I might need to put her down, things that were safe enough but didn’t look like toys so I could sit her down on the bathmat whilst I went to the loo and give her an empty shampoo bottle, or a box with a soap bar in for example, and that was exciting to her. It didn’t buy me long and she obviously needed to be supervised, but I was able to pee without someone attached to me.
it is tough though, I just tried to enjoy that she wanted to be around me and tried to savour it but that doesn’t work every day!

I used to take the baby playmat into the kitchen or laundry and put LO down at that age watching me. Mine definitely needed the frustration to learn to crawl - I had to stop picking them up or flipping the. over and just let them struggle through a bit more. It was a very grumpy period until they cracked crawling at 10.5 months. Me (and dad, rest of the family) obviously still did a lot of cuddling.