School dismissing bullying as friendship issues, 14-year-old wants to move

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 2026-03-21T05:10:51+00:00

I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right place. I’m at a bit of a loss so hoped others may have useful insights. My dd (14) is having a tough time with a former friend who I would now say is targeting her and bullying, although the school say it’s natural friendship issues that they see in this age. The school are keeping them apart in class but that’s it. My daughter has been totally broken. Outside of school she does activities and has friends. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere with the school and my dd desperately wants to move schools. I’m v worried and feel powerless so would appreciate any thoughts

NobodysChildNow · 21/03/2026 05:16

Difficult. Many schools can’t be bothered to deal with bullying. Does your dd have alternative friends in school? Was she happy before the friendship broke down?

Ultimately if she wants to move, now is the time to do it before GCSEs get going.

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 05:18

She had a small group but sadly she’s essentially blocked from the group because of this girl. One time (whilst hiding in toilets) she overheard them all mocking her. Heartbreaking for me. So essentially she’s on her own now

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newornotnew · 21/03/2026 05:20

The obvious thing to do would be to support her to move schools - is there some practical reason why not? Too many parents react slowly to problems.

But also - specifically who in school have you informed about the bullying and is it all in writing? The deputy head for pastoral needs to be aware. Tell them you are actively investigating a new school.

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 05:25

I've informed her form teacher and the Head of Year. I feel any girl issues are immediately dismissed as ‘girl drama’ but I’m left with a broken child!

I would move her but am worried that we may just find she experiences the same and moving may be overwhelming. Do you think a move would be the sensible option? Maybe I need to see it as a positive next step. I moved as a child (when I was much younger and due to house move) and found it tough so it may be swaying my feelings

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leaflikebrew · 21/03/2026 05:30

Both of my boys were bullied at school. I look back now, and really wish I'd moved them ASAP.

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 05:34

leaflikebrew · 21/03/2026 05:30

Both of my boys were bullied at school. I look back now, and really wish I'd moved them ASAP.

Sorry to hear about your sons but thank you for sharing that you wished you’d moved them. Useful for me to know

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newornotnew · 21/03/2026 05:56

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 05:25

I've informed her form teacher and the Head of Year. I feel any girl issues are immediately dismissed as ‘girl drama’ but I’m left with a broken child!

I would move her but am worried that we may just find she experiences the same and moving may be overwhelming. Do you think a move would be the sensible option? Maybe I need to see it as a positive next step. I moved as a child (when I was much younger and due to house move) and found it tough so it may be swaying my feelings

Do you want to parent your daughter in the present, or parent your memory of yourself in the past?

She is ASKING to move. You didn't ask to move.
She is being bullied. You were not.
She is much older than you were.
The situations are completely different.

She is asking to move schools. You are making her stay in a situation you say is breaking her. If she moves there is a chance she can get on with her studies and make new friends.

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 06:20

newornotnew · 21/03/2026 05:56

Do you want to parent your daughter in the present, or parent your memory of yourself in the past?

She is ASKING to move. You didn't ask to move.
She is being bullied. You were not.
She is much older than you were.
The situations are completely different.

She is asking to move schools. You are making her stay in a situation you say is breaking her. If she moves there is a chance she can get on with her studies and make new friends.

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Yes, I agree, especially as she’s asking to move. I actually think that’s unusual and must show how bad it is. It’s natural to worry that it may make thinks harder for her. I haven’t not responded to her request- I have found her a place in a new school as an option but haven’t triggered go yet. It’s a big step but one I’m absolutely willing to do it

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Strictly1 · 21/03/2026 06:26

What is actually happening and what is it you want the school to do? The example you gave was not nice but nor was it targeted if they didn’t know she was there.

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 06:35

Daily things at the start - this was when they were friends eg. she talks to the girl and she walk away. She talks to the girl and the girl is v rude back. Now the girl constantly makes snide remarks in horrible tone behind her in lesson etc. Lied about something she said etc etc. it’s small things but consistent

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Strictly1 · 21/03/2026 06:51

So the school aren’t keeping them apart then.
Does she have other friends in school?
It can be hard in school. We have had it where we are keeping them apart but then they keep playing together and being friends again until the next fall out and then every time they see them they’re talking about them etc but you can’t possibly know that they are as they’re too far away etc. I can fully understand why the child feels that way but they can’t ‘know’ if that makes sense. And then they’re friends again and it starts again.
A horrible situation for your daughter. I would be encouraging new friendships so that she can confidently move on from this toxic past one. Until then she is going to focus and examine everything they do whether it’s about her or not. If she does hear them say things, she needs to report it so that it can challenged.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 21/03/2026 14:17

Can the school meditate between your daughter and this girl to see if they can talk this through with support. This way your daughter has a voice and can try to deal with the problem head on and the other girl learns she can't just be sly and will be pulled up on her behaviour.

hopspot · 21/03/2026 14:22

NobodysChildNow · 21/03/2026 05:16

Difficult. Many schools can’t be bothered to deal with bullying. Does your dd have alternative friends in school? Was she happy before the friendship broke down?

Ultimately if she wants to move, now is the time to do it before GCSEs get going.

Other than keeping them apart there’s not much schools can do. It’s not that they can’t be bothered…

LIbertyCharles · 21/03/2026 14:52

I have to be honest. It does sound like friendship issues and it will pass. My daughter has recently been through some very difficult times and is the same age. Year 9 is awful for it - many of the girls are feeling insecure and can often only deal with how they are feeling in themselves by pushing someone else down to make themselves feel better. It can be really savage.

my daughter has been so sad and really alone sometimes and I also wondered about moving her. But recently it seems to have improved and she now has a really nice set of friends and is much more settled. School didn't really help much but at its worst she kept a record of the bullying and they did pull the other girls aside and have a word both with them and their parents, which nipped it in the bud - but it had got really quite nasty and personal by that point.

hang in there and see how it goes. It may well be that is passes. I know how awful it is to deal with as a parent but my girl is very strong now and views most of the unkindness as a bit pathetic. But those times where they feel alone and upset are heartbreaking as a parent. Try to be calm about it and just to listen - easier said than done I know - but they need us to be strong. If it persists keep pushing at the school and get your daughter to speak up. Sometimes they actually listen more to the kids than the parents.

Seasidelife1 · 21/03/2026 14:54

My daughter was frozen out of her friendship group in year 6. The school did nothing to address the bullying. Some of them she had known since nursery, it was a horrible time.
If it wasn’t so close to the end of the school year I would have moved her. In some respects I wish we could have pulled her out as the school were not helpful but with SATS we couldn’t really.
I hope she is soon settled and happy again. Girls can be awful 😢

newornotnew · 21/03/2026 15:20

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 06:20

Yes, I agree, especially as she’s asking to move. I actually think that’s unusual and must show how bad it is. It’s natural to worry that it may make thinks harder for her. I haven’t not responded to her request- I have found her a place in a new school as an option but haven’t triggered go yet. It’s a big step but one I’m absolutely willing to do it

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It's great you've found an option. Take her to view the school and let her think it through.

Are you able to explain specifically why you worry the move might make things harder? She feels a fresh start would free her up to make friends and focus on her studies presumably.

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 18:27

Thanks all for the varied and useful
perspectives. My concern with moving is that she is gentle and quiet and may not find it easy in a new school where she won’t know anybody. Plus we are otherwise very happy with the school and immmot sure if leaving this mess is a good message. However, she seems so definite on moving and she has been so broken for a long time. I think it may therefore need to be the next option and I need to support her in that. In the meanwhile I’ve signed her up to confidence classes etc.
The school did separate them but then we realised that a few random classes they hadn’t because of group work/new teacher etc

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LIbertyCharles · 21/03/2026 18:59

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 18:27

Thanks all for the varied and useful
perspectives. My concern with moving is that she is gentle and quiet and may not find it easy in a new school where she won’t know anybody. Plus we are otherwise very happy with the school and immmot sure if leaving this mess is a good message. However, she seems so definite on moving and she has been so broken for a long time. I think it may therefore need to be the next option and I need to support her in that. In the meanwhile I’ve signed her up to confidence classes etc.
The school did separate them but then we realised that a few random classes they hadn’t because of group work/new teacher etc

Try martial arts and drama. I signed my daughter up to both of these when she was going through it and they really helped.

i also got my daughter to see a counsellor which was also helpful for another perspective.

hugs to both of you, as a mum helping your daughter through this it is so very hard x

newornotnew · 21/03/2026 19:52

Good luck to your DD.

I understand your worry My concern with moving is that she is gentle and quiet and may not find it easy in a new school where she won’t know anybody. I think you have to face her reality - she's gentle and quiet and currently being bullied, which will be making it hard every day. A neutral environment is always easier than a hostile environment - much better to be quiet in peace than quiet and bullied.

Sometimessmiling · 21/03/2026 20:03

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 21/03/2026 05:34

Sorry to hear about your sons but thank you for sharing that you wished you’d moved them. Useful for me to know

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My twin boys were bullied by a member of staffs son . Moved them. Best thing I ever did. Dfi it. Don't regret not and even if school acts, things will never feel right for her

Getagrip22 · 21/03/2026 20:11

Im so sorry u are going through this too. My daughter (14 too) has recently had similar issues. I haven't moved my daughters school yet but if she asks I will. I honestly cannot get over how awful girls are to each other. Everyday, 1 girl is trying to make my daughters life difficult. I just want to say, u both are not alone

Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 22/03/2026 06:26

newornotnew · 21/03/2026 19:52

Good luck to your DD.

I understand your worry My concern with moving is that she is gentle and quiet and may not find it easy in a new school where she won’t know anybody. I think you have to face her reality - she's gentle and quiet and currently being bullied, which will be making it hard every day. A neutral environment is always easier than a hostile environment - much better to be quiet in peace than quiet and bullied.

I think this is exactly it. Her reality is threatening currently

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Original poster

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 22/03/2026 06:30

Getagrip22 · 21/03/2026 20:11

Im so sorry u are going through this too. My daughter (14 too) has recently had similar issues. I haven't moved my daughters school yet but if she asks I will. I honestly cannot get over how awful girls are to each other. Everyday, 1 girl is trying to make my daughters life difficult. I just want to say, u both are not alone

Sending you and you daughter love. It feels very hard when they are going through this

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WorkCleanRepeat · 22/03/2026 06:58

I'd let her move if that's what she wants.

It does sound like pretty standard girl drama but that doesn't mean that she can't remove herself from the horrible situation.

Fourlittlepiggies · 22/03/2026 07:11

Please move her. I was this girl at school and it nearly killed me. I begged my parents to move me in Y9 and they wouldn’t. I was at a highly academic girls school. Over the course of Y9,10 and 11 I became withdrawn and developed an eating disorder, because it felt like one of the only things I could control in my life.

I moved for sixth form to a co-ed, seemingly much more run down, less academic school, and overnight was a different person. I was shy but settled in fine and it literally changed my life.