How does independent sleep work?

[BabyBabyBaby4433]

Do you have to sleep train? I have a 19 month old. I still breastfeed him to sleep. He also goes down for his dad and the nanny, they rock him to sleep and he goes to sleep just fine. He doesn't need me although BF is much quicker. He sleeps 10.5 hours on the dot (unless teething, currently cutting his last molar, so we are getting 1 or 2 wakes).

Lately the breastfeeding doesn't work as well, he needs a little pat and a rock, basically I'm wondering what to do when this doesn't work anymore? How do you go from rocking to sleep to putting them down awake and them rolling over and sleeping? I know it sounds stupid, but I can't imagine my son doing that.

Do you just decide to Ferberize them one night? Or is there a point where they start doing it on their own?

We started earlier but it’s a case of putting them in cot and leaving them to settle themselves. You can do it gradually moving further away and patting/feeding less. But from experience ultimately they have to learn to settle themselves (and will cry at least a little bit)

You just do everything a bit less until you don't do it anymore.

And then they get ill and you're in with them all night again

I patted to sleep and each night reduced the time between pats, count of 5, count of 6 etc until I jusr had a hand on him. Then I removed the hand and he self settled after a bit of crying. Still sometimes needs a hand on or patting when ill/teething.

Does he sleep all night? If so i cant see any reason to sleep train. We never have, we couldn’t leave her crying anyways as shes in a floor bed so would just get up and go to the door. (18 months).

I can't imagine rocking a 19 mo (in your arms?). Just put them down in the cot, stay close, no speaking, pat/lay your hand gently on them then gradually reduce and retreat. And yes, it does all go out the window when they get sick.

How long is your DH spending getting him to sleep?

You don't have to sleep train. Put baby down in cot awake. Lights off. S/he might happily lie there and fall asleep. Great! If baby becomes distressed, offer comfort without removing from the crib first. If baby falls asleep - great! If baby becomes more distressed, remove from crib and offer comfort. Once baby is calm, try again. If several failed attempts/you get the vibe it's not going to happen - abandon ship and try again the next night.

This. Also lay over the cot and pat/shush them to sleep - always worked for me

He will scream, it doesn't work. I have tried in the past to put him down and pat and he screams and screams.

We have a very comfortable rocking chair! DH takes about 10-15 mins of singing and rocking but he has to wait until toddler is more tired so bedtime gets pushed by another 20 mins.

For me it used to take 5 minutes of breastfeeding. Now it's more like 20 minutes and the transfer to the cot sometimes wakes him. We're ok for now but I can see this not working anymore soon so I'm trying to plan.

Never sleep trained either of mine. I sat in their rooms until they fell asleep and then left. At a certain age, I can’t really remember when this was, but closer to school age, I’d leave them to play or listen to an audiobook and they put themselves to bed. We had a mattress on the floor in our room and if they woke and wanted us (after they were old enough to walk), they brought themselves in and either Dh slept on the mattress or they did. When they stopped needing us, they stayed in their room.

It meant we got loads of sleep and none of this back and forth in the night. For a number of years, I was up at 5:30am to commute to work. No way I was going to to be wandering around the house trying to get a toddler back to sleep. Sleep was super easy because we took quite a relaxed approach. They are 8 & 13 now and sleep great and are no trouble to get to bed. They read or play with toys or my older one crochets and then they go to sleep.

So what you are saying is he has to be held and /or bf until he is fast asleep? Then transferred asleep into the cot? Yeah that’s tricky now because he’s never had to fall asleep lying in the cot.
So if that’s what you want to achieve (and you’re right it’s going to have to happen at some point), then you’re going to have to endure some screaming at first. But yes feeding as normal, but not to the point of sleep, then staying calmly by him and patting, or just sitting close by. He will adjust, but he will be very put out at first at the change in routine.

It sounds like he isnt tired enough at bedtime? I’d reduce nap duration and later bedtime. Doesn’t matter what method, if they’re not tired it won’t work!

Is he happy before you put him in the cot?

I would still follow the plan. If he starts screaming and can't be comforted, take him out of the cot and hold him until he calms down. Then try again. It might take a little while, but eventually he will accept that this is the new routine. Also, warn him what you're about to do (e.g. ''we're going to read a story and then I'm going to put you in your bed and you're going to have a lovely sleep.")

I found it was just having the right child! Our second was very good at going to sleep on her own; just arrived that way. Our first took a long time to go to sleep on her own but did eventually get it with no massive effort, she just started finishing her feed awake and accepting being put in the cot and left all of a sudden. We didn't sleep train but I'm not against it.